Lesson 30. Touch—A Language of Love

Imagine the following scene. Christ comes upon the clouds of Heaven and raises the righteous dead. The living righteous are transformed. God’s power draws all these people upward. And in a certain place all the righteous meet together. What a glorious scene! Being one with Christ, I have confidence in salvation and picture myself in this very group of people. And, of course, I will be deeply interested in seeing my Savior face to face. Our eyes will meet. In an instant I will understand the answers to many questions that had been mysteries to me. Then I will hear the joyful cries of my friends, my brothers and sisters, with whom we worked out our salvation together. What will that meeting be like? I think we will embrace one another very tightly and cry out for joy as we praise God. Our rejoicing will know no bounds. Then we will begin searching for our loved ones who are not beside us. And when we cannot embrace them, we will understand that they are lost forever, and our grief will know no bounds. I think that Jesus and all the good angels will weep with us. Joy and sorrow will merge in a single cry as everything is brought to its conclusion. But sorrow will pass away, for God will wipe away every tear. Eternal joy will be with us, and our eyes will rest upon Jesus. We will become one united family and remain so throughout Eternity.

When I meet Christ personally, I dream of seeing His love and His approval and of finding myself in His embrace. I long so much to draw close to Him and simply remain silent, remembering all my experiences and the victories gained through His power. I am very interested to know what He will say to me personally in those moments. I think they will be the most beautiful words I have ever heard. Then I will release my embrace, and we will look into one another’s eyes. At that moment I will understand everything that was hidden from me in this earthly life.

I will feel ashamed of my doubts and unbelief. Thoughts of missed opportunities and unfinished projects for the salvation of those near me will trouble me. I will feel pain over my own failures, but in the eyes of Jesus I will see no condemnation. He will quietly say, “Enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.” And I will enter and remain in it forever.

Touch is something we begin receiving from our mothers from the moment of birth. It is the clearest expression of God’s love through physical contact with the body of someone dear to us. Even the animal world uses this language to express its agape.

There is a power in touch that is unknown to us, a power that tells our mind and heart that we are needed, that we are loved, and that a friend is near. For some people this language of love becomes so intimate that only through it can they feel with all their heart the full depth of another person’s love. In an inexplicable way, the soul responds to every touch and instantly distinguishes what it contains. If the touch causes pain, that pain tells your consciousness far more loudly than it speaks to people whose languages of love are different that you have been deeply hurt. If it is a touch of love and friendship, the heart trembles, receives it as the most precious gift, and opens itself to admit the person fully into its life. The heart begins to believe that a friend is near who will not betray it. It now waits expectantly for the next expression of love.

Yet the world is cruel to such people. The enemy of souls also speaks this language, inflicting immeasurable pain upon the soul, after which it closes itself and searches for another language of love but does not find one. The dismissive expression “calf-like tenderness” has confidently entered everyday speech and discourages many people whose language of love is touch.

The culture of many peoples does not permit friends to touch one another, depriving them of the opportunity to express their love in this way. Even within families, the influence of such a mentality can make its own adjustments and, through the absence of touch, deprive family members of many of life’s joys.

I remember a story told by a preacher who was speaking before unbelieving young people and persuading them of God’s love. Suddenly one of the listeners—a young man who looked like a punk—walked confidently toward the preacher. The entire hall froze in anticipation. What was about to happen? The young man approached the pastor and quietly asked, “Could you please hug me?” The preacher embraced him, and the young man began to weep bitterly, saying that he had not received such an embrace for a very long time.

Behind the imposing outward appearance of every person beats a heart that longs to hear words of love in its native language—the language closest to the soul.

Strictness, proper subordination, deference, and respect are all good in their proper place, but these qualities often erect insurmountable barriers to the heart. It is impossible to go around them.

Once, in 2010, when I attended a camp meeting in Novi Obikhody, Ukraine, I decided to greet with an embrace every brother I met each morning. It was difficult for me to make this decision, but I wanted to discover what would happen if I behaved this way. I did not know anyone, yet I overcame this barrier and took a step toward them. I noticed that many of the brothers received my embrace joyfully and, on the following day, were already waiting for me so that they could greet me in the same way. Some did not refuse out of politeness but showed no initiative of their own. I greatly enjoyed this manner of relating to one another and decided to practice it at every similar gathering. Some of the sisters looked at us with benevolent envy and rejoiced that we loved one another so much.

One brother told me that I was the first and only person in the world who had ever embraced him.

Later I noticed that many sisters, at important meetings and partings, also do not object to allowing themselves to embrace someone. Yet the culture of relationships and Christian ethics place obstacles here—obstacles that some nevertheless manage to overcome.

No one has abolished the language of love expressed through touch. Nor is it possible to do so. If it is written in the heart, a person will subconsciously wait throughout life for someone who knows how to speak it. To that person, all words and deeds, gifts and time are not as important as the tender touch of a friend. It is the clearest expression of the language of love, but it must remain under the control of reason and will so that the enemy of souls cannot use it to harm a person. How many deceived and disappointed souls have been used for pleasure and then cast aside like an unwanted thing! The heart closed itself. But it did not die; it waits for someone who knows how to express pure, eternal agape in this understandable language.

When I visited our churches in Belgium, I was warned that this country has a custom of kissing when people meet. It was difficult for me to accept, and I tried not to let anyone come closer than the length of my outstretched hand. Yet some still managed to kiss me. To me this seemed strange and unacceptable, but as I observed my fellow believers, I saw purity and holiness in this manner of relating and began to view it differently. If I had remained in that country, I think I would have begun doing the same.

A person whose language of love is touch waits for such an expression of attention and rejoices upon receiving it. We must take this into account when communicating with people. By their reaction they themselves will let you know what they like and what they do not.

Many people speak this language, regardless of faith, age, sex, or nationality.

1. In the light of this lesson, please read Mark 10:13; Luke 5:13; 15:20; and Daniel 8:18; 10:18.

2. What do these verses have in common?

3. What did you understand from this lesson?

4. Whom do you see yourself as in the account of Luke 7:38–39?

5. Do you like the language of touch, and do you know how to communicate in it?

6. What do you experience when your friend touches you with love?

7. Will you embrace your friends on the glorious morning of the Resurrection?