Lesson 41. My Language of Love

When I became acquainted with the study materials about languages of love, I began observing those near me and myself, desiring to understand which language of love each of us spoke. By calling this characteristic a language of love, I used a formulation presented by someone else. Now I would like to emphasize that all these languages of love, being human, are often so deeply intertwined with personal selfishness that instead of expressing the blessing of love, they express the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—although this is not always true of everyone.

These languages may change in different people with age and also depending upon place of residence or physical condition. Then my language of love becomes the one I need most at that particular time.

While children are young, they understand all the languages and speak them wonderfully. Therefore, when everything is done with love, it is very difficult to understand which language is closest to them. Children accept nothing without love. Being very direct, they can quickly tell us about their needs.

During adolescence, very strange things take place because the desire to imitate the crowd and belong among other teenagers dominates generally accepted family values and traditions. The process of forming a personality and developing independence begins.

As a person matures, different crises and trials are experienced in connection with changes in occupation, family status, and place of residence. Sometimes this changes a person’s needs and characteristics very quickly.

In old age, when physical strength and inner energy decline, elderly people reconsider their lives and need special attention and care. At this time their worldview, values, and language of love change as well.

Yet throughout this changing world, Agape Love remains that same unchanging love founded not upon human characteristics but upon God’s constancy. In its essence, it is the principal language of love of every person, and because it carries God’s blessing, it can be understood by every “foreigner.”

Let us take me as an example. I decided that communication is my native language and that I understand it best and can express my love through it. Yet at the same time, I notice that when I meet a person dear to me who addresses me in the language of touch, placing love and friendliness into it, I understand this language with pleasure and can communicate in it as well. At that moment other languages are not important to me; my heart needs precisely this manifestation of love.

If I am in great need and require help, words of love are good but not very appropriate in that situation. Simple assistance will be more pleasing to my soul than beautiful phrases. I will appreciate every movement and action that relieves my need. This will be closest to me at that moment.

When someone gives me something I greatly need or have dreamed about for a long time, what they say or how they embrace me becomes less important. I see that all the love of my friend or the person near me is concentrated in this gift. That special attention is very close and dear to me, and I will remember the gift throughout my life, treasuring it in my heart.

When I am lonely and my soul desires a close friend nearby, I understand how precious the time we spend together in the spirit of love is. Even if we simply remain silent while loving one another, everything else is less important. No gifts, words, or embraces will brighten my loneliness when my soul longs for someone close to stay beside me and simply love me without any condition. This is especially precious at the very time I need it.

When I have nothing to eat and no opportunity to buy food because I simply have no money, all the words of love from my well-fed friend will not drive away my hunger. They are good, but not when my stomach is empty. If I languish from hunger or thirst, all the inedible gifts in the world will not comfort me. I want to eat, and this is the language I can understand best at that moment.

When my soul longs for a kind word of approval and support during another trial, everything else may not be entirely appropriate. During such periods of my life, I await and value kind words in particular and desire to hear precisely them.

When Christ was crucified and the sins of all humanity were placed upon Him, what did His soul need most? I think that amid all those cries and mockery, Jesus longed to hear at least one word of support and approval—at least one word of faith. It was not so important who would speak it. How greatly the heart of Jesus needed this! And that thirst was satisfied. The man crucified with Christ for his crimes addressed Jesus as King, as his Savior, and as High Priest: “Lord, remember me when Thou comest into Thy kingdom.” What comfort, what faith, what a beautiful language of love from one who had no understanding of agape! What a wonderful sermon! It was the shortest sermon in the world, yet it turned more corrupted hearts toward God than any other. And it continues to touch the soul to this day.

Do you, my friend, desire to hear your language of love at the time your soul longs for it most? Who will satisfy this thirst and speak in the language you understand and need? There is One Who knows all your needs, One Who continually thinks about your happiness and knows how to speak with you and when to give you what you need. Our Heavenly Friend Jesus loves you deeply and understands perfectly how to give you what you long for. He awaits your prayers, desires to hear your requests, and wholeheartedly longs to give you more than you can imagine. But without your consent and request, Jesus will not give you what you desire. He does not wish to violate your freedom of choice. Therefore, tell Him about your needs and pour out your heart before Him. He will hear and answer.

My language of love is whatever I need most at that moment. The Lord understands this perfectly and very often meets my needs by prompting those near me to address me in precisely the language I understand best at that time.

God often prompts me as well to address my friends in some language unfamiliar to me. They are surprised, because this occurs at the very time they especially need it. I think everyone has experienced this.

And yet, in every approach to another person, regardless of my need, I should place all my Heavenly love into every deed, every word, and every motive. Then any language of love I speak becomes right, necessary, and understandable.

Very often, however, I cannot determine by myself what you need, my friend, if you remain silent. How can I give you what you long for if you do not tell me about it? My heart is attuned to love, but it also has ears to hear you. Therefore, simply do not remain silent. People cannot read one another’s thoughts.

Strangely enough, sometimes precisely because of my silence I do not receive what I need most, even though people who can help surround me.

Ask, and it shall be given you!

1. Please read James 2:14–17 and 1 John 3:18–20.

2. Name three Bible verses that fit our lesson and came to your mind.

3. What did you understand from this lesson?

4. What revelations did you receive while studying the materials on this subject?

5. How can you understand the true need of someone dear to you if that person remains silent?

6. What does it mean to love in deed and in truth?

7. What should I do if I do not know my language of love?