Lesson 46. A Strange Message

There is a very sad and strange message for our time that we carry into this world without embarrassment or thought. We say it to our loved ones, our friends, our coworkers, and everyone we meet along life’s path. We hear this message in reply to our proposals and invitations. We have grown so accustomed to it that we do not even consider what we are doing or saying. It can be spoken tenderly, regretfully, or enthusiastically. It is easy to invent different words and expressions for it, as well as many reasons and excuses. Yet however skillfully we disguise this message, to everyone without exception it sounds unmistakably clear and is understood this way: “You do not interest me, and I do not need you!” Of course, it is rarely expressed so plainly, because it seems rude and insulting, especially when spoken by an influential person or someone very close.

I did not previously understand this message of our time until I read the story of a missionary who decided to convert some people to his faith. After many days of unsuccessful preaching, he asked why no one was interested in the truths he proclaimed. He heard this reply: “You say good and correct things, and you wish us well and happiness, but you do not need us.” This answer struck me. I began observing what happens in our communication and concluded that we live in a society of people whom no one needs. Sometimes, out of respect or propriety, one may show a little attention to one’s neighbors, but this often looks like a favor, and in return the person receives the same condescending treatment on the principle, “You do something for me, and I will do something for you.” Saddest of all, this message is heard not only in distant countries and new mission fields, but even within families; it is directed toward those who are very dear to a person.

You may reply that no one speaks to me this way and that I myself never deliver such a message. I agree. Expressed directly, it sounds very harsh and has an extremely destructive power capable of plunging anyone into deep depression. Therefore, this message has been clothed in very harmless words conveying information about priorities, plans, needs, and cares. It all looks quite pleasant and sometimes even cheerful, yet in the end I still understand that I am not needed. And who am I to be needed by anyone? What is special about me? Perhaps someone will value me when they come to my funeral. Then should I hasten that meeting?

Of course, I have no desire to reduce our entire world and all communication to one common denominator. We are a society that has a goal of moving somewhere and necessarily achieving something, and for this we are ready to sacrifice what is dearest, most precious, and most significant—our friends, loved ones, relatives, and time. Then we wonder why no one needs us either.

When my daughter had just begun school, I noticed that she very often came to me with the request, “Daddy, let’s play!” I always had a whole arsenal of excuses ready, by which I convinced my child that I was too busy to give her time. Years passed, and I saw that this message had taken root and borne bitter fruit. I realized that my daughter no longer needed me either. No matter how I try to break through this wall, it is very high and strong. We communicate, love each other, and visit one another, but as strangers. Something is missing in this relationship. And I know what it is: that very answer I could have given many years ago but was too busy to give.

I do not exclude myself from our society when speaking of this tragedy. I count myself among those who carry such a message. It is very painful for me to recognize this, but I am one of the missionaries of this kind of preaching. Yet I understand what is happening and fight against it. Love helps me greatly in this.

I realized one important thing. If I do not resist, I will drown with everyone else. If we all drift together with the current, someday we will meet a waterfall and fall over it together.

What does this strange message sound like? I will give several common examples: “I have no time,” “I am very busy,” “Another time,” “I cannot get anything done,” “Wait; can’t you see I cannot?” “I have an important meeting,” “It was so nice talking with you. Bye,” “How are you? (But please do not give a long answer.)” Of course, I exaggerate a little, and every one of these phrases can be spoken in an ordinary working situation. There is no tragedy in that. But the heart cannot be deceived. It perceives precisely the meaning placed into the words. It does not make a mistake. I think each of you understands your neighbor but is afraid to recognize these phrases in their direct meaning. Even the expression “I love you” may contain this very message. I remember an occasion when my friends used those exact words to ask me not to bother them after I decided to give them my time. I understood everything very quickly.

Undoubtedly, not everything is as tragic as I have portrayed it. The fact that this message is not spoken to me directly gives me hope that I am mistaken when I judge other people’s motives by my own standards. Yet the result is obvious: I remain completely alone, and at times the loneliest place turns out to be a gathering of those who believe in the same God and sing the same songs to the glory of God.

We will somehow sort things out with people and settle these questions. But what shall I do about God, Who has time for me, Who seeks me, and Who is ready to serve me twenty-four hours a day—and does so? What will I say to Him in response to all His wishes and proposals? I already have many familiar excuses in my arsenal. Then suddenly I realize that this is wrong, that it should not be this way. I risk becoming unnecessary to God and hearing the sorrowful words that He does not know me. What should I do? How can I change this course of events?

Jesus provides a way out. He offers Himself. He does so very modestly, saying, “I counsel thee to buy of Me . . . Behold, I stand at the door, and knock . . .”

If I answer Jesus that I simply have no time, He will understand what I mean and will not try to persuade me otherwise. After all, He Himself gives me a new day each morning and knows how and with what I occupy myself.

The essence of this strange message is that my priorities are arranged incorrectly. I will always find time for what is important, necessary, and dear to me. For example, not all of us say that we have no time to eat or sleep, or anything of that sort. Sometimes the ordinary desire to relieve oneself becomes the highest priority, and I find time for it while postponing everything else.

But if in my crowded schedule I find no time for friendship with God and a closer acquaintance with Him, then I think it would be right not to search for time, but to set it apart and devote it specifically to this matter.

Love teaches me to value every person and let them feel that I need them and that there is enough of my love for them as well, even if physically I truly do not have enough time for everything. Love seeketh not her own, but gives herself and does not regret it. She loves at all times, and her arsenal contains no “strange message” declaring that she needs no one. Love needs people and desires to fill their lives with herself, making those lives better, more beautiful, and more splendid.

Please read Luke 15:4–10; Proverbs 17:17; and Jeremiah 3:1. What do these passages have in common?
What did you understand from this lesson?
What revelations did you receive while studying this subject?
What other Bible verses came to your mind while reading this lesson? Give two of them.
How can you let your neighbor know that you need them when you truly do not have enough time to communicate or meet with them?
How can I discover whether I truly need anyone?
Are you a person who is needed?