Lesson 48. The Other Side of the Love Languages

A person who understands the love languages must remember that they can bring joy to hearts and ennoble one’s neighbor, but at the same time they can become that person’s most vulnerable place. A person may perceive everything bad received in their love language many times more sharply and painfully.

The most widespread sin against the commandment “Thou shalt not kill” lies in the fact that words of insult, slander, and abuse contain destructive power. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gave this matter special attention by revealing the spirit of the law. For some people, words of cursing spoken in the heat of the moment pose no problem, yet they kill human friendship, happiness, and love within people. Like fiery darts, they strike and shatter human hearts. After an outburst of emotion comes a calm, and friends try to live in harmony, although the affection of the heart is already gone. Only dry relationships remain. Families fall apart, or their members live under the silent yoke of mere coexistence. But it should not be this way! Forgiveness and repentance help restore communication, but something close and dear dies forever. Is there a solution to this problem? Yes, there is.

Physical assault or the infliction of bodily pain also carries murderous power. And if touch is a person’s love language, such actions can destroy the soul far more severely and break the tender heart forever. In their helplessness, victims of violence sometimes have nowhere to turn, and they live in fear of the next assault. Who will save them from this nightmare? Yet there is a way out.

When I had just turned to God, I began looking for like-minded people who could tell me about the beauty of life with the Lord. After finding God’s church, I attended a meeting and was invited to someone’s home. We became pleasantly acquainted, enjoyed a delicious meal, and I was asked many questions. I told them everything about myself without hiding anything. After some time, I learned that the whole church knew what I had spoken about, but in a distorted form. Many had formed a prejudiced opinion of me that they could not change afterward, even through personal communication. I completely lost the desire to visit such people or invite them to my home. I did not wish to give that which is holy to those who did not value it. I had to be selective in hospitality.

If I cause harm through my deeds, doing what appears right from my own point of view, then to people who speak the language of acts of service, my actions look like a great insult. For example, while visiting someone, try having everyone refuse the meal that was prepared and ask for canned food instead. I am certain that any hostess would be disappointed. Or if you walk across a clean floor in dirty boots, this will be regarded as the highest form of insult, for which the retribution will be severe. Yet there is a way out.

If I give a neighbor whose language is gifts all kinds of rubbish merely to dispose of things I do not need, I risk losing a friend, because this causes deep pain. Out of politeness, the person may feel unable to refuse the gift, yet be ashamed to throw it away. Or if I break or lose things my neighbor entrusted to me as something precious to them, I may thereby inflict a deep wound upon their heart. But here too there is a way out and a solution to the problem.

And when I have no time for someone whose love language is quality time, and I tell them this openly, they hear these words: “I do not need you, and you do not interest me!!!” They perceive this ten times more painfully than others. One should not be surprised afterward if the relationship is destroyed. Yet a solution can be found here as well.

Once, while speaking with a friend, I talked as usual about my love, joy, and other beautiful things. He looked at me sorrowfully and wanted money from me. At that moment I simply had none, but he did not know this. I cannot read minds, and I did not know about his need. Yet my friend was deeply offended that I had not helped him in a difficult hour, and he stopped communicating with me without explaining why. I am very sorry this happened. I learned something. But the friend is gone.

We all make mistakes and sometimes fall in our dealings with other people. Without thinking, we wound one another. What should we do about this? How can we go on living?

Love provides a way out and an answer to these questions. She teaches me tact, respect, honor, foresight, tenderness, and prudence. She senses the situation and watches over my actions, adorning each of them and softening my careless deeds. Love likes to apologize even when she is not at fault, if only to smooth the situation and remove tension from the relationship. She seeks every opportunity to make her neighbor happy. Love devises new methods for exerting a good influence and is not afraid to reveal herself.

Love closes my ears when I hear curses in the language dearest to my heart, forgives the offender, and prays for that person, asking God to bless them and remove the desire for revenge. Love securely preserves my heart from destruction, immersing it in the deepest part of her ocean, where it becomes unreachable by the enemy’s fiery darts and continues to love and plan good things.

Love lives surrounded by evil but has no relationship with it. God preserves every loving soul from the power of sin.

Love raises a person above problems and cares, teaching them to love their neighbors in a language those neighbors understand and to place all their strength into it.

Love loves at all times and never fails. If it suddenly disappeared, then it was not love, but a crude counterfeit.

Once love enters my life, she is always available to me.

This is how love resolves all my problems and cares, bringing me joy at all times. Let us therefore love one another, for in this way we shall fulfill the law of Christ.

1. Please read Romans 12:9–11 and Galatians 5:14–23, and consider them in the light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand while studying this subject?

3. What revelations did you receive?

4. Do you have examples from your own life of choosing the best solution in similar conflicts? Please share them.

5. Do you believe that love protects the heart from the attacks of one’s neighbors?

6. What Bible verses came to your mind? Give two of them.

7. Do you believe that love is available to you as well?