Lesson 62. Love Is Not Jealous

In order to understand what kind of jealousy is being discussed in this lesson, we need to consider several of its manifestations described in the Bible.

1. Jealousy is a characteristic of a relationship in which one party is distressed because he believes he is receiving less attention or love than an actual or imagined rival. Such a state of mind may turn into baseless and unjustified rage or envy.

2. Jealousy is also regarded as a reaction to marital or spiritual unfaithfulness that leads to action against the offenders: the one who committed adultery and the one with whom it was committed.

3. Zeal is also the desire to possess a heavenly gift or spiritual quality. It is purposeful action in the pursuit of knowing God better, regardless of the opinions of those around us.

We will now consider the first meaning of jealousy.

We were all created as free people who have the right to choose. God endowed us with this ability, and He watches to ensure that we do not violate the boundaries in the lives of other people, entering the private territory of the human soul because we consider ourselves the owner or manager of someone else’s conscience.

Until a certain age, parents have authority over their children. They have the right and duty to control and direct a child’s actions and raise him to be an upright and law-abiding citizen of the society in which they live. At the same time, children are not deprived of the opportunity to make decisions independently.

Certain boundaries are also established within marital relationships. They provide for the satisfaction of physical and spiritual needs within the bonds of the family. Violation of these boundaries is regarded as betrayal and unfaithfulness. As a result of such actions, the relationship between the spouses is destroyed, and the marriage may cease to exist.

There are also mutual agreements between God and those who desire a close relationship with the Lord and accept the plan of their salvation. Such believers agree to fulfill the conditions by entering into a covenant with God and giving Him authority to control their actions and to work in them both to will and to do of His good pleasure. These people allow God to cultivate fruit within them and train them according to His law. At the same time, the Most High leaves each person freedom of action and choice. Violation of the terms of this covenant on my part deprives me of the right to Eternal life in the presence of God.

There is also such a thing as friendship between people. It places upon me certain obligations toward my friend. I am expected to love him at all times and treat him kindly during crises and trials in the relationship. The bonds of friendship involve a very strong emotional connection, but they do not deprive me or my friend of the freedom to make decisions or choose how to respond to my expectations.

In employment agreements, I am required to be faithful and precise in fulfilling my duties and providing services.

In all these cases, I deal with established boundaries and limits within which I am free to act but beyond which I may not go, even though I have freedom of choice.

In all these unions and agreements, I remain a free person. When someone encroaches upon my freedom out of jealousy, this provokes me and compels me to fight for and defend my rights. Otherwise, if I submit to someone else’s will in order to avoid conflict, I may be controlled and manipulated according to that person’s wishes.

The family is the most private unit of society. Within it, two people establish their own rules, traditions, and order, which the husband and wife later agree to carry out and observe together. But very often, one spouse decides that the other is his property and that he has an exclusive right to that person’s time, conscience, and attention. All principles of freedom are violated, and conflicts arise as each person defends his rights. Such jealousy often has no grounds, and its actions are difficult to explain. It is blind and deaf to another person’s opinion and desires the fulfillment of its own demands and expectations. A jealous person becomes extremely suspicious and faultfinding toward his life companion, while scandals and endless confrontations become the sorrowful norm in the lives of jealous people. As a result of such relationships, a defensive wall of hostility is erected, behind which all the actions and deeds of the suffering party are carried out in deep secrecy and caution. The person walks through a minefield that periodically explodes for no visible present reason or on the basis of incidents and memories from the past.

Such jealousy blinds its victim. It is one of the manifestations of pride. When a jealous person encroaches upon someone’s freedom, he enters the forbidden territory of another person’s soul and becomes responsible for the destruction of the individual and of human rights.

One act of lawlessness allowed into the heart draws all other vices after it. Jealousy was one of the first sins in the world of holy beings. When the most perfect angel began paying attention to the fact that the Son of God had special privileges in His relationship with the Father and special authority in the universe, jealousy took possession of him. Lucifer saw that he was not receiving as much attention and respect, and this moved the angel to enter the forbidden territory of God’s freedom and supreme authority. As a result, jealousy grew into envy and became the cause for the formation of a spirit of rebellion in Heaven.

The same spirit is brought into families, destroying peace, trust, and heartfelt affection.

The pride manifested in jealousy prevents its possessor from understanding the full abhorrence of the sin. Such a person becomes absolutely right in his own eyes. Beginning with accusations against his spouse regarding communication with members of the opposite sex, jealousy proceeds to accusations regarding friendship with people of the same sex. After all, these people are stealing the spouse away from the family and depriving the jealous person of more attention and time. Such an atmosphere between spouses sometimes leads to separation and divorce.

Love is not jealous. It respects a person’s freedom of choice and trusts him. It sees everything but believes the best, giving the person the right to choose his own path and determine how the relationship will develop. Love allows a person to make a mistake and does not judge him, even from the standpoint of its own righteousness. It binds its friend to itself with invisible threads of close relationship, guaranteeing faithfulness and devotion on its part under all circumstances.

Love believeth all things. Even when it sees deception, it seeks to excuse the person because of his frailty and weakness. Until the final moment, it retains hope that the situation will change for the better. Love can be blind to another person’s mistakes and actions, but it zealously watches over its own spiritual purity. Love creates such a friendly atmosphere within relationships that everyone who enters it feels freedom and respect for himself. He can live and make choices in peace.

Love draws the soul that has been deceived and blinded by jealousy toward Christ, Who alone can deliver it from the power of this sin. But pride does not desire to acknowledge its weakness and holds its victims firmly. Love enters the struggle and tenderly helps a person break the chains of sin and begin a better life. It knows how to live in the same home with jealous people and does everything so that these unhappy people may have joy despite their sorrowful choice. Love understands with sadness that it will not be able to share with them the advantages of the true freedom in Christ Jesus that it itself possesses.

1. Please read 1 Corinthians 13:7; Numbers 16:2, 26, 32; Numbers 12:1–10; Psalm 37:1–11; and Proverbs 31:10–11, and consider these passages in the light of our lesson.

2. What revelations did you receive while studying this subject?

3. What did you understand from this lesson?

4. From what source does jealousy come?

5. Which biblical characters were destroyed by jealousy?

6. How should I fight this vice if I see it within myself? And what should I do if I see it in a friend?

7. Is jealousy always evil?