Lesson 130. A Friend

If you ask any person who a friend is and how he imagines one, each will have his own personal understanding, which will differ in part from mine and yours. And if you ask people to think very carefully and describe more fully the character of the friend they desire, absolutely everyone will describe the character of Jesus, even if they know nothing about Him. Try it: ask those close to you about this, and you will become convinced that people need a loving God Who understands their needs. The world is weary of conditions and deception. We live in a great theatre where everyone plays his own role, while God has been portrayed as One Who has no concern for my needs and requires only obedience, appeasement, and worship.

Of course, there will also be those whose concept of friendship reflects the measure of their corruption, who imagine a friend as a kindly millionaire uncle whose only dream is to support you and your entire family while caring solely for your needs.

But who is a friend? What should he be like? And what is friendship?

If I do not have a correct understanding of this, I will invent one for myself on the basis of what I have heard in songs, seen in films, and read in books. And this image will satisfy my selfish impulses until I meet a true friend who destroys all my stereotypes, yet, while remaining himself, simply loves me and accepts me as I am.

But what is a true friend really like? Have you thought about this? After all, each of us has had or still has special emotional attachments to certain people. Sometimes this bond comes from our childhood or school years. Someone found a friend in church, while someone else has one among his neighbours or within his family. And there are those who have no friends; or if they do, death takes them away, leaving the person completely alone.

Friend, where are you?! You must exist! Where can I find you?!

And someone has reached the point where he no longer needs anyone, and even the truest friend will weary his soul and irritate his sin-corrupted mind.

But what is a true friend like? Why must he be genuine?

I often hear such appeals: ‘Be a friend and do this.’ ‘If you are a friend, act this way.’ ‘Friends do not behave like that.’ ‘Friend, buy this item from me.’ ‘Good morning, friends.’

We are all accustomed to such forms of address. Even in our school, I call you nothing other than friends. But I can say for myself that I do this consciously and truly regard you as such, understanding what I am saying, although I will never come to know many of you personally. This form of address is customary in our society. And people do not think about what it means.

On social media, I have always been disconcerted by the ‘Add Friend’ or ‘Friends’ feature, under which anyone who adds me to his contacts may appear. I simply do not know many of them. And when strangers from Africa who do not even speak my language send friend requests, it becomes altogether amusing. I cannot change this, however, and I have already become accustomed to it.

Society has shaped its idea of a person’s friend and spread it across the sandwich of my understanding. Friends surround me everywhere, many of whom I do not even know personally.

And when a person hears of my desire to become his friend, he simply does not understand where to add me so that I will be stored somewhere and not interfere with his life. For the mind is accustomed to sending everyone to the archive and rejoicing in bare statistics. Better still is to open one’s own YouTube channel, gather subscribers, call them friends, and delight them with one’s videos.

I do not want to boast and wish to remain humble, but I will nevertheless say that I consider myself a true friend to those to whom I declare my attitude. I do not want merely to define this phrase, but to show by my personal example what it means to be genuine.

I understand that if I have made a promise or given my word of friendship, I must keep it. Even if my feelings say otherwise, I have already placed this status in my heart as the principle of my attitude toward people. I will not tell every person that I am his friend, but if I have said it, I already bear responsibility for it. I understand what I am doing.

Being a friend is not so difficult. It means that I respect a person’s freedom of choice and am ready to participate in his life in whatever way and as closely as he allows me. I respect his opinion, take his interests and family situation into account, understand his needs, and look for opportunities to take part in his life. I will be able to become a close friend only when the friend himself makes me one, but we will discuss this in another lesson.

To be a true friend means to be oneself while loving the one whom I have chosen as a friend. No one can force or beg me to become someone’s friend. I too am free in my choice and know how to make it. For these are not merely decisions, but also my responsibility before my friend and before God. For I always ask Him to bless every friendship I have with people, so that it may also bear the seal of God’s approval.

I will say at once that I have different kinds of friends. There are even some who hate me and wish me harm. But I cannot reject them, because I remember the good days when we were friends and understood one another. This sometimes makes life difficult, but I cannot change my attitude. I would rather err on the side of love and friendship than remove a person from my life. I am not saying that this is right or that everyone should act this way, but it is my decision, and it is easier for me to live this way. And I can be honest with everyone, even when I do not have enough time and strength for all.

A friend occupies a special place in my heart, a place not limited by the number of shelves or by capacity, into which I place the living souls of those people whom I have chosen as friends, so that I may be genuine toward them throughout my life. And I plan to remain so throughout Eternity. I cannot imagine friendship with conditions. What would that be? It is not friendship, but merely a business relationship that ends when the business ends. For me, friendship is something eternal.

Conditions can exist only within relationships. For example, I am a married man and have a wife. And I have a new friend—a sister in Jesus. I begin being her friend, but within the bounds of my status, remaining faithful to my wife even in my thoughts. This is my condition, which I have no intention of violating. But if this sister permits herself something more, thereby sins before God in her heart, and wants to cross this boundary, then I will have to explain to her in detail that I fear God, do not approve of such an approach, and will not commit such evil, while still remaining her friend.

Feelings will pass, but the principle will remain.

Very often, my friendship toward people helps support them when everything in their lives is collapsing, but they understand that I am the only one who has not abandoned them, and they open up to me. And I can help with whatever is within my power. This happens often.

There are also friends who simply do not need me. I see this, and it is painful, but I decide to continue loving them and to wait for the moment when perhaps something in their attitude will change.

I took the example of friendship from Jesus’ attitude toward me and decided to treat my friends in the same way. I rejoice in the constancy with which He loves me. He understands, and I learn from Him. I want His image to be reflected in me and consider this right. Friendship is forever.

1. What new things did you learn in this lesson?

2. Describe the characteristic traits of a true friend.

3. In your view, what prevents you from becoming a true friend?

4. What is important to take into account in relationships with others?

5. Why is it important to be yourself in friendship?

6. What can we learn from Jesus?

7. Do you have true friends?

8. Please read Proverbs 17:17; Psalm 91:14–16; 46:1; 62:11; Luke 15:20; 1 John 4:10–11; Psalm 126:5–6; and Isaiah 54:2–3 in the light of our lesson.