Lesson 134. Don't Be Afraid to Be Truthful

Perhaps the most difficult thing I experience in my Christian life is deciding to tell the whole truth about myself that I know. And I always tense up when I realize that another person is voicing my problem.

The most interesting part of all this happens when I begin public ministry and teach other people what I myself do not yet have or know. Yet the essence of learning often lies in the fact that, if a person wishes to understand something better, he needs to begin teaching it to others.

Those close to me understand very well who I am. Even if I have very skillfully disguised my true nature, it will still reveal itself.

But when I begin personal communion with God, the same habit of appearing better than I really am also manifests itself in our relationship. I want to prove to God that I am good, that He should rejoice in my good deeds and carefully take note of them. I even try to imagine that I am becoming a special favourite because everything about me is right and better than it is with others.

But when God begins to reprove me and places me in situations in which my foolishness comes out and becomes evident to everyone, including me, then instead of admitting my weakness or guilt, I seek to justify myself or, even worse, shift my guilt onto others, making them accomplices or the chief culprits in my sins.

And when circumstances have backed me into a corner, I finally decide to be honest and admit my mistakes. It seems to me that I have disclosed something new about myself and therefore deserve special mercy or respect, because I admitted my guilt and declared it openly. But if I am asked to bear the consequences of my violations, my indignation knows no bounds. How can they treat me this way?! I confessed sincerely and repented, so they should simply forgive me and forget my failures. Yet I am required to compensate for the damage, pay a fine, or bear the consequences of sin for the rest of my life. What outrageous injustice! I repented and confessed! Is that not enough?! How inhumanly they treat me!

To be a true friend, one should learn to be honest with other people. For we tend to idealize those who possess special talents, gifts, attractive appearance, or spirituality. And if such a person is famous, everything is forgivable for him, and he simply cannot be bad because society recognizes him as a unique person—and such people do not make mistakes.

So I am maintaining a friendship, and at some point I realize that everything is coming apart at the seams. I am giving up my positions, and my stability is suffering serious damage. Instead of admitting it and asking for a respite, explaining that I have personal problems, I begin seeking many excuses, trying to preserve my image and not lose face. My friends believe me, trying in their love to understand me and overlooking my failures and mistakes. And I take advantage of their trust and throw dust in their eyes in order to establish myself in their respect.

Hypocrisy sometimes helps me escape unscathed and preserve my status. A friend knows how to love and forgive, and therefore I may abuse his trust while expecting his mercy.

Jesus always loves me, and He knows everything. I soothe my conscience by asking Him to forgive me, a sinner, without trying to identify my sins specifically or examine them more deeply in the light of God’s disapproval. Then I wonder why there are no blessings in my life, and I have to invent them in order to impress others and maintain my status at the proper level.

And so I am forced to live this way. The most interesting thing is that I am surrounded by performers just like me, with the same ideas, ambitions, and worldview as mine. Together we act in a great theatre, waiting for applause and accepting the respect we believe we deserve. Then we go home, lock ourselves in our rooms, and suffer from loneliness.

To cease being deceitful is a heroic feat in our time. To accomplish it, we need power from above, the gift of repentance, and an understanding of our true condition in the light of God’s will.

When I become a friend to my neighbour, openness and honesty are expected of me in our relationship. But this does not mean that I must disclose to my friend all the secrets and details of my life or enter into every sphere of his existence. There will always be restricted places that must remain forever closed to outsiders. Even if someone wishes to enter them, I can politely make it clear that in this territory I wish to be as I am and that no one has the right to intrude. For example, the spiritual atmosphere of my bedroom and my intimate relationship with my wife are precisely such a place, where none of my friends will ever enter under any circumstances. There are many such areas into which even close friends should not simply be invited.

But Jesus may be everywhere. He is omnipresent already, yet His omniscience does not oppress me with condemnation. On the contrary, the Lord very tenderly points out those details of my imperfection that He would like to correct in me.

When I decide to be honest with those close to me, I must not insult them or harm them in the process. For example, if someone irritates me while I smile pleasantly at him and wish him abundant blessings, honesty toward that person does not consist in telling him to his face everything I think about him and pouring all my disgust and indignation upon him. I will not tell him who he really is and add that I am being absolutely honest and am right besides. Such an understanding of honesty is called foolishness and idiocy. I think all my friends would quickly run away from me, and in their own way they would be right.

True honesty means that I first begin with Jesus to discover why my friend irritates me. I try to see what I need to change in this regard, and then I admit to my friend that I do not understand his behaviour and consequently have difficulties in our relationship. I tell him that I would like to correct them, but I need outside help and more reliable information about what I consider wrong or irritating. Tact and respect for another person are integral parts of Christian ethics and love. Every negative attitude toward one’s neighbour comes from an impure source. But if a person’s deeds are evil, that is another matter and deserves attention if there is an opportunity to help or correct something.

To be truthful does not mean calling myself names and hurling curses at my mistakes and sins, but loving myself as a person redeemed by the blood of Christ. Truthfulness is the admission that I am a sinner who needs a Saviour and is learning to be kind and loving.

Without Christ, I will not be able to correct my habits and will continue in my hypocrisy, if it exists, because it is like the colour of my skin, which I am unable—and do not even want—to change.

And if those close to me have exalted me in their eyes, courage is needed to acknowledge myself as God shows me to be. Love knows how to correct this and does so without harming my friends or me, opening new paths to renewal in the truth.

1. What new things did you gain from this lesson?

2. Describe what being honest means to you.

3. How do you think honesty can be acquired, since we are deceitful by nature?

4. Why is life easier for an honest person than for a hypocrite? Or do you think differently?

5. How can you act wisely if someone irritates you?

6. Should we ask God to help us become truthful?

7. Please read Jeremiah 17:9; Psalm 139:23–24; 1 Timothy 4:16; Acts 5:31–32; James 5:16; 4:10; Proverbs 15:33; Psalm 138:6; Proverbs 2:5–11; and Matthew 26:31–35 in the light of our lesson.