Lesson 135. Choosing a Friend

One can never have too many friends. A friendly heart is like the sun. Beautiful flowers from God’s garden reach toward it, and weeds also need sunlight. If God has endowed me with this gift, I am destined to gain friends whenever I come into contact with them.

We are all actors at times and want to present our best side. But when one is kind and friendly, it is impossible to play an evil and unsociable person. It is like trying to hide a burning candle inside one’s clothing or failing to notice a city standing on top of a hill. Even with all my desire to be left in peace among friends, there will always be those who greatly desire fellowship with you, who rejoice in you and seek your presence.

I began to notice that among many people there are always special individuals. One can confidently say of them that they bring happiness when they stand or remain nearby. Even when they simply pass by, one feels very good. Yet they do not know this and will never guess it. I cannot explain this phenomenon, but there are people who bring blessings into my life by their mere presence. I cannot abuse this or ask them to stand beside me. I accept what God gives me through chance encounters or through these people’s decisions to be nearby. I never tell them about my feelings, so as not to embarrass anyone. Perhaps this is merely a feature of my perception, and therefore I learn to wait patiently for the next unplanned meeting or personal presence beside me.

But I know that we resemble one another in some ways, and others probably experience the same thing toward me. It is very interesting to observe those whom you love—how they react to you when you meet, what expressions they have, and how they show their feelings.

The commandment to love one another is beautiful because, if we mutually keep it, it blesses all of us in the fullness of its beauty, opening vast prospects for happiness in fellowship and mutual love for one another. This is precisely what the Lord planned when He gave me this command. It is an order to be happy and to make my friend happy. This is how it is, and this is how it works in the life of everyone who sets out upon such a beautiful path. And the path of love and friendship is magnificent.

Those who gladden your heart belong to the category of welcome people with whom it simply feels good to be. Time spent in the company of such individuals can be considered full, beautiful, and profitably spent for the soul.

Friends are a reward from the Lord for the love you ask for on their behalf; they are a part of your heart in another person’s life.

Have any of you experienced taking a small child by his tiny hand so that you could walk somewhere together? At that moment you experience amazing feelings. This little being has entrusted his life to you; he has placed his little hands in yours, believes in you, and has allowed you to hold him and spend time with him. You walk along and receive indescribable pleasure simply from holding this child’s hand. Then suddenly he decides to walk by himself, pulls away, and begins inventing something to do. Friends sometimes behave in the same way, filling your heart with special, inexplicable feelings. Without even noticing it, we rejoice in these little celebrations of love.

If you have a friend who constantly tells you of his love and brings pleasure to your heart, also rejoicing in you, then thank God for such a gift. Be happy that you have such a friend.

Have you noticed how quickly flowers open toward the sun? How they reach toward the light and how beautiful they look under the influence of those life-giving rays? Human hearts open in exactly the same way when your love and friendship touch them, in order always to warm them with their light and warmth.

You should not play the part of a bad and unsociable person if you are kind by nature. It will not work. And why would you? Let your God-given gift of friendliness find new hearts upon which to pour special blessings.

But people are different, and I have not been deprived of freedom of choice. If I see that a person is deliberately distancing himself from me, I do not tear down those walls but remain polite and patient. If even my friend has no need of me, that too is visible, and I must respect his choice.

If a person has sinful intentions and wishes to draw me into his intrigues by using my trust and friendliness, then, with all my love for him, I make it clear that our interests and principles are incompatible and that we should not spend time together.

The request ‘Be a friend’ tells me that I am not a friend but must become one for a short time in order to perform some task, and then return to the category of distant neighbours.

By endowing me with the gift of friendliness, God does not deprive me of the freedom to choose friends or oblige me from now on to maintain some special relationship with them. I simply begin to treat people as Jesus does—unpredictably well and rightly.

Evil companies and associations can corrupt my good character. When I see that such influence exists and is directed against me, I take measures to remain faithful to God.

For example, I decided that my friend’s status is lifelong. Then the friend suddenly became hostile toward me or God. I still continue to consider him my friend and cannot simply take him and cast him out of my heart, but I build the relationship in such a way that, while remaining a friend, I do not damage my soul or allow him to abuse my trust.

Jesus assured us that we are His friends if we do what He has commanded us. This condition is not partiality on His part; it exists so that we do not abuse this friendship and so that we see the clear boundaries of what is expected and permitted.

For example, if my friend suddenly decides to create his own family with my wife, I think this would not be a very friendly act on his part. Afterward I would be very cautious and attentive in communicating with him, giving him no occasion or support for his plans.

And, of course, the members of my family are the first people whom I would like to be my friends for all time. If fate separates us, our friendship will help us maintain relationships in the right spirit throughout our lives.

And if, while single, I decide to start a family, I should seek not merely a wife but a lifelong friend who loves God, with whom I can then walk through all of life while remaining a friend. Not every friend is suited to the role of a close female companion, but the Lord opens these paths to those who seek such a solution in God and in obedience to His will.

If my children consider me a friend, it is easier to influence them and teach them obedience and faithfulness to God’s principles. Here one should employ the full talent of friendliness in order to gain faithful friends in them. And this is possible if one is honest and loving.

Like attracts like. Anyone who does not want friendship with me will quickly make this clear. Even if such people have already entered my heart and become friends, their unwillingness to be friends will be taken into account and acknowledged.

Loving friends should be loved and gladdened by our love. And this is from the Lord.

1. What did you understand from this lesson?

2. Does friendship affect feelings, or is it only a principle of life?

3. Are there friends in your life who gladden your heart?

4. Should you offer your friendship to those who are completely indifferent to you? If so, why and how?

5. What should you do with friends who gladden your heart but do not notice you?

6. How can you find a way to the heart of an indifferent person?

7. Please read Philippians 1:9; 2:5; Hebrews 5:14; Proverbs 25:17; 26:18–19; 27:14; 18:24; Matthew 5:45–48; 1 Corinthians 5:8–11; 15:33; John 15:14; James 4:4–5; Romans 12:15–16; Proverbs 12:26; and Job 6:14 in the light of our lesson.