Lesson 136. The Family—The Centre of Friendship

This lesson, like all the others, is one of the most important and necessary to understand and assimilate.

If you simply read it and notice nothing, perhaps the time has not yet come for you to receive this material.

I want to pose the lesson’s main question at the beginning, so that you can try to answer it before I voice the answer.

What is the purpose of creating a family?

I very often ask this question of those who are planning to marry, those who are already married, and those who are planning to divorce. Almost always I understand that people have no goal; they simply live without knowing where they are going, or they live as society customarily does. Every person has his own ideas about family. For some, it is associated with joy and happiness; for others, with bitter experiences; and for still others, with disappointment. Before the wedding, however, things were different and everything was wonderful for everyone. Sin destroys even the strongest relationships. Once you set out on this deadly path, you can no longer stop and do not know how to end it, and therefore your whole life rapidly plunges toward the very bottom of something unknown.

What should you do? Do you want a happy family? I know what a family should not be, and I gladly help those who have become confused and disappointed.

I believe that divorce is the worst solution to family problems, and it is better not to let matters reach that point. Why dissolve a marriage? Was there a common goal toward which you walked together, gladdening each other with your discoveries?

Why do you need a family? The usual answers sound like this: I am tired of living alone. I want something new. Two are better than one. I want a child. I want my own house or apartment. I want lawful sex. I am afraid of being alone in old age. We will engage in ministry together. We will come to know God together and establish a family altar. I need a cook so I do not have to cook for myself. I want a woman. A man is needed in the house. I am tired of living in poverty. I want to buy many things and travel, but I need someone to pay for it. We will believe in God together. I do not know what a family is for; everyone lives this way, so I need to as well.

These answers are not invented but taken from life, and the list could continue. Such expectations and desires arise both before marriage and during married life, and there is nothing wrong with them. Yet we should still understand the very essence of creating a family. Why is it needed? What is it? What purpose did God pursue when He created the first married couple? There is an ultimate outcome in God’s plan for the family: through it, to reveal His character and love to the entire universe.

But what is necessary for this? Which path should we choose? How can we reach it without a goal or an understanding of what it means to reveal God’s character?

And we begin trying everything we consider right. We gain extensive experience in everyday family life, traditions, unfulfilled expectations, and bitter disappointments. Sometimes there are happy families that live peacefully and carry out their little affairs.

But so that we do not continue guessing, let us state the correct answer.

The purpose of creating a family is to know one another more closely.

I did not invent this. It is God’s plan for humanity.

As simple as this task may sound, its meaning is very deep. The more one thinks about it, the more deeply one understands it.

What do you hear in the expression ‘the knowledge of Christ’? This very expression contains the whole essence of Christianity and the mystery of eternal life. We read in John 17:3: ‘And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.’ These are the words of Jesus Himself, Who revealed the purpose of my Christian journey and established the direction that should be followed.

Let us apply this rule to the family: to know one another, discovering new abilities and talents, new traits of character and distinctive qualities within ourselves. The heart of my life companion is a treasury of endless discoveries and possibilities. This process has a beginning but never ends. Even if death separates us, an endless eternity opens ahead, and we continue to comprehend one another. This is a small illustration of true knowledge—the knowledge of God Himself and of Jesus Christ Whom He sent. Every other goal will eventually be reached, and I will be disappointed in my expectations. I will be sad because there is nothing more toward which to strive.

God designed the family as the centre and demonstration of true friendship in deep cooperation in knowing one another. Everything is taken into account here, and in one form or another we encounter the trials that we will also face from outside. God has given me for life a person whom I do not know at all, and my task is throughout my life to discover in my companion a friend, wife, helper, opponent, independent personality, and much more, using the knowledge gained for the good of our family and common work. Along this path of life, children appear, grow up, and leave; we buy some things and discard others; we travel somewhere and return; we build houses and buy apartments; we minister, believe and disbelieve, fall and rise, bury one another, and grieve while awaiting a wonderful meeting in Heaven, there to continue our discoveries and know even as I am known.

Our mutual, voluntary study of one another leads us to unconditional friendship. For it is impossible not to be friends with someone whom you know very well. Friendship has its true beginning in the family. At least, this is how God designed it.

But what do we see in our families? I live with a person whom I do not know at all and for whom I have neither interest nor time, and he responds to me in the same way. All our lives we raise one another and defend our rights while knowing the other’s duties; we establish rules and break them ourselves. Then, exhausted by this whole family nightmare, we dream of things better left unspoken.

Yet the little key to happiness is very near. Both must take it and open one another’s hearts. If only I open mine, I will expose myself to even greater attacks. But this step is worth taking.

Of course, someone may already have found this goal and be moving confidently toward it. Still, it is worth stating it once again and understanding it with heart and mind. If I am guided in this direction only by intuition, I will most likely stray from the path someday and reach a dead end. But a clear understanding and vision of the goal will help me hold the right course and always return to it if deviations occur.

Friendship in the family is an entire science that should be studied together: comprehending its depth, discovering its mysteries, and seeing its advantages. Friendship should be the starting point of acquaintance as we strengthen our position as friends, and it should continue to be cultivated after the wedding.

A wedding is not the end of friendship or the beginning of dreary family routine, but a path of great discoveries in the heart of the person who has decided to walk through life beside you, becoming one with you.

Love for oneself also includes the person closest to us, with whom we are one flesh. How can one fail to love oneself and be friends with oneself? If the head hurts, it should not be cut off; it is better to heal it and continue living with it.

The honeymoon is an interesting invention, but it has no biblical foundation in God’s plans. The time of getting to know one another should continue throughout life. Deep acquaintance with a friend has a lawful beginning but no end. And how can one fail to be friends with someone whom one knows so wonderfully?

1. What new thing was revealed to you in this lesson?

2. How do you understand the purpose of creating a family? How does your understanding differ from God’s? Please share.

3. How can we come to know God through knowing one another in the family?

4. What should you do in order to know your present or future spouse?

5. What does friendship in the family involve? Is friendship possible without humility?

6. Do you desire to comprehend the science of friendship in the family—to discover its mysteries and advantages?

7. Please read John 17:3; Genesis 2:24; Song of Solomon 1:5, 8, 14–15; 2:2, 16; 5:16; Ephesians 4:15–16; 5:28, 33; 1 Peter 3:5, 7; Colossians 1:9; and Hebrews 13:20–21 in the light of this lesson.