Lesson 144. Not Understanding One Another

We human beings have been given the gift of communication, and it distinguishes us from the rest of the animal world. We possess a will, reason, and intellect, and these higher powers of the soul are able to govern our actions. We are able to think and choose.

Through speech, I can express aloud everything that is in my heart—what I know and what I understand.

After the Flood, God divided humanity by languages. All people were the children of one father, Noah, but when they united in building the Tower of Babel, they demonstrated their distrust of God, and He had to intervene by causing each person to cease understanding the other. Humanity was completely divided into nations according to language.

As long as you live in a culture where everyone speaks the same language, you have no problems with communication. But if a foreigner appears who does not understand you, and you see that you have no common ground with him, it is very difficult to understand what he wants. In this case, an interpreter is needed. Is friendship with such a person possible? In theory, yes. He is familiar with all the languages of love except your native language and will gladly accept any help from you. However, because of the lack of communication, you will have no emotional contact or bond. I am always surprised by people who build families on such a foundation. But eventually one spouse learns the language of the other, and they are able to communicate.

Brothers and sisters from Romania began coming to our church. I observed how close-knit they were among themselves and decided to become a friend to one of them. I very much wanted to experience a relationship with people who spoke another language. As a result, through my efforts, I succeeded in receiving friendly smiles in return, as one would give to a kind acquaintance, and that was all. I realised that I was of no interest to them as a friend because I could not express my thoughts and feelings in their language, and they did not know mine. Even those who had learned a little German could not freely express their thoughts or enjoy friendly fellowship in that language. I am not categorically declaring that it is impossible to be friends with people whom you do not understand, but there are certain difficulties in this that separate us. Yet I noticed that spiritually, in our understanding of church teachings, the Bible, and reforms, we had complete unity, and my Jesus is also their Saviour and communicates perfectly with them in their native language.

There is another kind of difference that prevents full friendship—my spiritual affiliation. All my life I have worked with people who do not share my religious convictions. We know one another well, respect one another, are glad to meet, find common ground, joke, communicate, and do various kinds of work together, and what we build looks beautiful and complete. But when we part, we do not feel drawn to one another. Work united us into one team, but it did not make us friends. I would not say that these people are strangers to me; my heart is attached to them, for I know them very well and know details of their lives that perhaps no one else will ever know. I can visit many of them and enjoy friendly fellowship, but Jesus is not between us, and this establishes boundaries that must not be crossed. Our communication is limited to this world and its cares.

But Jesus knows how to unite unfamiliar souls in such a way that sometimes you have known a person only a short while, yet he is so dear to you—and for ever. How can this be explained? Miracles!

In order to win a friend for God, it is desirable to become that person’s friend. But friendship is already an emotional bond for life. You do not know whether this soul will turn to God, yet you have already become attached to him. If this person has influence over you and inclines you toward lawlessness, such a friendship may become very dangerous and undesirable, and at times even forbidden. What should you do then? Your heart is with this person. But love helps resolve this dilemma as well. You simply love him and are ready to serve and help him at any time, but you maintain contact with him within the boundaries he has established and that the Word of God recommends. And God preserves His obedient children from evil.

And what should those do when two different spirits live in one family? Should they be friends? A family is a world of its own, with many exceptions to general rules. Very often, one spouse comes to God and begins to believe. At other times, someone in a believing family becomes an unbeliever, and this has a special effect on relationships. I have both situations in one. My wife and I came to God from the world, and we had a daughter who had known the truth from childhood. But after fifteen years, these two people so dear to me went back into the world, while I began asking for God’s love so that I could somehow endure this trial. And now I understand that their fall served my growth. These are two different spirits under one roof, but love teaches me many good things. What advice I have heard, and what I have experienced during these days! My Jesus became so close to me during this period, and I am so grateful to the Lord for every difficulty He allowed. If there had been no such trials in my life, perhaps I would not have needed greater love; and without having it, I could not have shared it, and there would have been no school, and, and, and. How grateful I am to God for everything He allows and for how all of it works together for good.

God taught me not to avoid difficulties and problems but to face and resolve them with His help. I cannot be another person’s conscience, but I can be his friend or love him, and no one can forbid me to do so.

Is it possible to be a friend of Satan? One can make such a decision, but relationships of this kind are fraught with sorrowful consequences; it is better not even to try. Yet it is worth showing respect toward this authority so as not to create needless problems.

Should we be friends with those who serve Satan or this world? What matters here is how I understand friendship, what meaning I put into this concept, and how close these people are to me. I can decide to be a friend while still keeping my distance and remaining cautious. After all, I do not know how my affection may influence these souls. Perhaps someone will be saved and turn to Jesus. Or perhaps after my death the Lord will draw that person to Himself. We should not burn bridges in relationships or sever connections. Love knows how to keep these people at a distance while holding them very close to the heart. Friendship may not exist, but love for these souls must remain, and it must be genuine.

One of my acquaintances has a friend, and once every six months he goes to a restaurant with him and gets completely drunk. I asked him why he did this, and he replied that in this way he preserves their relationship and makes it strong and indestructible. This sounds very strange to me. Not every worldly idea of friendship corresponds to truth. True friendship has a firm foundation—the presence of Christ in at least one friend, though preferably in both, and the essential presence of God’s agape love. And, of course, true friendship does not contradict biblical principles.

I find it interesting to watch how the world tries to unite people in friendship through common interests, hobbies, and ideas, but then a trial comes, and it all collapses. And the world creates new clubs and societies. There is a goal, and there is unity, but there is no love or heartfelt affection.

But love has everything necessary and joins souls very simply and quickly.

1. What did you understand from this lesson?

2. Do you have friends whose language you do not understand?

3. Is friendship possible between people of different religions?

4. Is the presence of Christ important in friendships?

5. How should you treat family members if they are of a different spirit?

6. Does the Bible forbid friendship with people of a different spirit?

7. Please read Proverbs 29:27; 22:24–25; 2 Corinthians 6:14–16; Proverbs 13:20; 1 Corinthians 15:33; and 1 Corinthians 13:1–3 in the light of our lesson.

8. Which Bible verses came to your mind while studying this lesson?