Lesson 150. A Deliberate Attack

And now we have come to the culmination of our theoretical knowledge about friendship, which smoothly transitions into practical skills.

I will describe how this happens in my life, and you may decide for yourselves how suitable this method is for you. When I begin to explain this subject, for some reason everyone becomes very joyful. Perhaps each person imagines himself as the ‘victim of the attack’ and anticipates the consequences.

As we have noted before, an overcomer is one who does not sit in a fortified defence, but attacks. It is easy to define this, but how can it be put into practice?

Friendship begins with my decision to become a friend to a particular person, and it is confirmed by the Holy Spirit as this act of will is put into practice.

Sometimes this happens unexpectedly, when my new friend, knowing of my friendliness, finds me and lets me know that he is interested in me. Then my heart immediately responds to such a challenge and rejoices over the new soul whom it receives. After that, in prayer, I ask for a blessing upon our friendship.

But it may be that my future friend does not know that I am friendly and would not mind having a relationship with him, and then I may wait for him all my life without ever seeing him come. So as not to deprive him of the joy of friendship with me, I decide to take the first step. I think public transport or the street is not the best ‘fishing spot,’ although an appeal can be made there as well.

And so I choose the ‘victim’ of my attack. The very first and best thing to do at once is to pray for God’s blessing upon this undertaking. I begin to study this person and ask for special wisdom so that I may understand which little key fits the heart of my future friend. I pray for this soul and ask for special blessings in this person’s life. My heart is ready to accept this person forever, while leaving my friend the right to choose what to do with me.

A person’s freedom of choice must remain inviolable, and special tenderness is needed in this attack so that these boundaries are not violated and the relationship is not built upon a sense of duty, fear, or guilt. It is also worth making sure that I am of interest to my friend, so that I do not torment his heart by irritating him with my offers or help. I pray for special discernment, and the Lord answers.

If there is an urgent need, I can even fast in order to make sure how sincere I am in my decision to be a friend and so that the Lord may also put His Hand to my efforts.

And so I approach this soul and begin a conversation. Depending on the situation, I may immediately declare my desire to be a friend and explain that, for now, it is a one-sided decision and places no obligation upon the other person. At least this person now has an idea about me and can decide how to respond. But the word has been spoken, the seed has been sown, and the process of receiving and germinating this message begins in my friend’s mind.

And I ask for special wisdom about how to conduct myself from that point forward. I try to understand what suits my neighbour, what he does not like, which subjects interest him, and what his soul loves. I immerse myself in the world of his interests and expectations and look for those points of contact through which I can cleave to him with all my soul.

To be a friend is my one-sided decision, and it carries the danger that I will be rejected and will have to go on living with that, while the decision to be a friend remains and I can no longer change it. So as not to trouble a heart in vain, I do not aim this weapon at the first person I meet, but choose the one whom the providence of the Lord has brought into my life.

I do not think about how our friendship will continue; first I plan how to begin it, and I entrust all the consequences to God.

But the most important thing, after all the decisions and prayers, is to take the first step and attack. The attack may take different forms, but its essence is one: to make myself known, to let the person understand that I exist, that I rejoice over this friend’s appearance in my life, and that I truly need him. I may express this through a simple greeting, an offer of help, or participation in his needs. Everything depends on the situation. Then I watch the response very carefully and pray.

It is very important to notice the good qualities and positive traits in my friend’s character. I can gather this information from his acquaintances and friends simply by asking them to tell me something good about this person.

If my carnal nature begins to object to such a decision and tries to persuade me to abandon this undertaking and not interfere in the person’s life, I will not listen to that voice. Life without this friend in my heart would be uninteresting, and how could I look him in the eyes throughout Eternity, knowing that I could have become his friend while still on Earth, but did not? What shame I would feel in my own eyes!

When the first step has been taken and I have entered the person’s personal space through my greeting or a thoughtfully chosen approach, I begin to observe the response in order to understand what to do next.

And here agape love is greatly needed, for it can very quickly reveal to me whom I am dealing with and what I should do next. In union with me, it begins to influence the heart of my new friend, showing me the best way to act and what should or should not be said. Sometimes love begins with words of love; sometimes it touches a friend; sometimes it helps him in his needs or spends time with him. And with some people, I can speak directly about my intentions and declare my desire to be friends. Love has enormous persuasive power, and it should not be ignored. After all this comes a time of waiting, which may last a fraction of a second or extend for several days. But the seed of friendship has been sown, and it needs time.

Perhaps my friend has no time for me and already has enough cares and other friends, and he will let me know this immediately. Yet my task is to convince him that I am special and purposeful, that I will be one who thinks about the happiness of his friends and does something for it, and that I need nothing from my friend except him and his heart.

And I begin to comprehend what can make this wonderful person happy. Not everything is within my power, but I have myself and I have my heart, which loves at all times and can give itself for eternal use. With this arsenal I enter the battle and attack, unwilling to leave my friend to live in this world without my friendship.

Then, having reached the goal and gained another victory, I continually think about this person’s happiness, periodically reminding him of myself within the limits of his acceptance and desire to have me in his life.

There is no single rule for everyone. Every person is a new discovery and an unusual experience. And this is a special joy and experience for my heart, even if, at first glance, nothing has worked out.

An overcomer is one who rises from his chair and goes on the offensive, leaving the clearing of the territory and the consequences to the Lord. God Himself goes before me and prepares the way for the battle. This is a very fierce war. All my fears, my selfishness, my laziness, my alienation, and my loneliness rise up against me, and together they declare that I may lose them forever and must make a very difficult choice. I choose love and friendship, and I go on the offensive. May the Lord help me.

1. What did you understand from this lesson?

2. Do you have your own ‘strategy of attack’? Please share this experience.

3. Have you ever gained friends whom you personally chose?

4. What role does the Holy Spirit play in joining the hearts of two previously unacquainted friends?

5. Is it worthwhile to think about a friend’s happiness, and what should be done for this?

6. Is it worthwhile to have friends in this last time?

7. Would you like to try this strategy described in the lesson and see how it works in life?

8. Please read Luke 16:9 and share how you understand this verse in the light of our lesson.

9. Please read Philippians 4:8; 1 John 4:10–11; Romans 5:5–8; and Matthew 4:19 in the light of our lesson.