Lesson 178. Tenderness

What comes to mind when I hear this word? What is tenderness? Is it something from a woman’s repertoire? Or advice on caring for an infant? I feel prompted, together with you, friends, to consider this quality of the soul in the light of love and biblical principles.

Of course, first of all, I picture a mother tenderly holding her child, looking at the child with a smile, and thinking about what kind of person will grow out of this tiny bundle and what difficulties the child will face in this life. Meanwhile, the baby sleeps peacefully and worries about nothing.

I was present at the birth of my daughter and took photographs of all the details as keepsakes. The nurse received the baby and went to wash her. I asked if I could do it myself. I was shown how to hold this creation of God properly. Very carefully, I took her in my arms and began washing away everything in which my daughter had been born, while she quietly enjoyed being in her father’s hands. Then I dressed her in something and continued carrying her very carefully in my arms, talking about everything. My daughter stared into nowhere but remained very quiet. Meanwhile, my wife was recovering from childbirth and was in no condition to concern herself with anything. An hour later, the baby fell asleep, and we were taken to the ward. I was exceedingly tender in all my movements and in my speech, understanding that this little being could not endure rough handling.

The next day, when I came to the hospital, our baby was brought to us, and the first thing we were shown was how to pick her up properly and tenderly, how to hold her while bathing her, and how to change her clothes carefully. Our attention was drawn to her head, and we were told that something there still needed to grow together and that we should be extremely vigilant to prevent any injury during that time. We heeded this advice and began doing everything as we had been taught.

A process of learning began in my life. A born egoist had appeared in our family, teaching us tenderness, tact, attentiveness, affection, patience, keeping watch at night, prayer, joy, family happiness, and many other things.

My daughter is now twenty-six years old, and she already has a daughter of her own, who brings us all much joy and reminds us of the lessons in child-rearing that we learned in the past. This little girl requires the utmost tenderness and tact from us.

And I tried to picture what tenderness toward a small child means in my life. When I take this little person in my arms, I hold the child in such a way that the child is very comfortable in my arms and nothing causes discomfort. I distribute the child’s weight between both of my arms and hold the child very carefully, rocking gently. Yet my embrace is very firm. If I move and change the position of my body, all my attention is focused on ensuring that this person in my arms feels no discomfort. If I see any danger, I hold the child very firmly, making sure the child is comfortable in my arms and that nothing can cause harm. At such a moment, I am ready to shield the child with my own body and take off everything I am wearing to shelter the child from a cold wind or rain. And if someone tries to snatch this little bundle from my arms, I will not allow it and will defend the child with all my strength, forgetting about myself. Yet this little person does not even think about what is happening in my life. The child understands that it feels good and safe with me and remains calm, paying no attention to my concerns.

When, on the basis of this example, I analyze my communication with adults and my past life, I see how little I thought about tenderness toward my neighbors. I caused them pain, showed roughness and tactlessness, inflicted wounds, and became a source of suffering and problems, while also causing myself physical, emotional, and spiritual harm. And for some reason, all this is considered a normal part of life, and we grow accustomed to it.

But I met Christ, and He helped me understand that there is another life, that there are better relationships, and that there is another way of approaching people. And He Himself showed me His tender touch. He took me into His loving arms and began carrying me, tenderly holding me close to Himself. At times the Lord entrusted me to His Angels, and they continued to care for me.

Yet I live without even realizing what is happening around me. If my eyes were opened and I became a witness to the struggle being waged for my soul, I would see a dragon roaring like a lion, together with all his demons. He desires to tear me to pieces and destroy everything in my life, but God’s Angels encamp around me and give the enemy no opening, although they do not forbid him to send his temptations from afar. They watch to see how I will respond to them. Jesus is ready to shield me with Himself, placing His own body in the path of blows from without and taking upon Himself the fiery darts of temptation from the wicked one.

But I do not see this conflict over my life and feel comfortable, without thinking about what is happening around me. I sit down at Christ’s feet and begin making little sand cakes, awaiting praise and admiration for the fruits of my creativity and considering myself very important and great because of my achievements. But the Lord tenderly takes me in His arms, kisses me, embraces me, holds me close to Himself, and assures me that He loves me very much. Having received His affection, I hurry to climb back down to the ground so that I may continue my activities and do something for Jesus.

But then another neighbor just like me appears, whom the Lord carries just as tenderly in His arms and protects from evil. Jesus places him beside me and watches to see how I will behave. My new friend, just like me, begins making little sand cakes. At first, I do this together with him, and everything turns out well for us. We rejoice in our success, embrace each other tightly, and thank Jesus for one another. But then I suddenly notice that my friend’s sand cakes are more beautiful and sturdier than mine, and this troubles me. I begin finding fault with him, looking for shortcomings in his behavior and showing roughness for every reason, and in response he destroys my masterpieces. We strike one another, and then ask for blessings upon our labors and continue fighting among ourselves, or we go our separate ways so that we do not meet. I feel that I am becoming poorer in such conflict and have neither the joy nor the strength to go on living this way. Wherever I go, it is always the same—the same people and the same problems—yet being alone is still dreary.

And Jesus watches us with sadness and offers us Heavenly gold, which will enrich us and teach us to enrich others. I begin to wonder whether perhaps I really should accept this Heavenly treasure. What if it helps?

I begin to think. I reflect on what I will gain if I respond to this offer, and for this reason I become a thinking person, and this pleases God. After all, everyone around us is building, marrying and giving in marriage, buying and selling, and not thinking.

How much tenderness the Lord has placed in His gifts, and how affectionately He offers them to me, together with His own heart. How could I not accept this gift of Heaven?! Even though I must give something in return, it is worth it.

And as I receive this Heavenly gold called Love, I learn from Jesus the same tenderness in relationships. I take this water of life into my hands and carefully carry it to my neighbors, afraid of spilling its precious drops onto the ground. I tenderly offer them a taste of this treasure from my hands. Some accept it, some laugh, and some strike my hands, and it all pours out onto the sand. But I return to the ocean of Love, draw from it again, and carry it to my friends, tenderly offering them this treasure.

1. What blessings did you receive while studying this lesson?

2. How do you understand the word “tenderness”?

3. How is tenderness manifested in communication with people? How is it expressed?

4. Is tenderness a part of character, or is it the expression of a temporary feeling when needed?

5. Are tenderness and love compatible in the same heart?

6. Do you know of tender people in the Bible? Give an example.

7. Please read Isaiah 46:3–4; Romans 12:19; Isaiah 49:15; Psalm 91:11–12; Hosea 11:3; Isaiah 58:4; 1 Peter 1:22 in the light of our lesson.