Lesson 225 . Infatuation and Love

Each of us has experienced infatuation or is experiencing it now. These are special feelings that overflow the heart and are a very powerful incentive for carrying out various tasks. A person who is infatuated becomes capable of doing things for the sake of the object of his affection that he would never do with a clear head. Infatuation sometimes intoxicates people, and at times so thoroughly that they cease to think rationally and are ready to do what Scripture calls sin, believing that everything they feel is genuine and right.

The enemy of souls knows this feature of the human mind and very successfully distorts it, presenting sin as something right and natural. This perception has become so firmly established in people’s minds that the cultures of many nations welcome cohabitation and have placed it within a legal framework.

And the enemy of souls devises new temptations, persuading people that any perversion is not bad in itself if it brings enjoyment and gives pleasure, and what is unnatural becomes the norm. This sin damages people’s minds so severely that they consider it necessary to impose their views and values on everyone, so that against the background of universal corruption they may appear to be benefactors. And the saddest thing is that children become the target of these aims—the young generation who do not yet have a proper orientation in life and believe everything they are told and shown. Depravity, corruption, and immorality have become the norm of life in civilized society, while a normal person who wishes to resist this evil becomes a criminal who offends the feelings of citizens by expressing his opinion and must be fined or isolated.

Unfortunately, I am not making this up; I am simply sharing what we see everywhere. And all of this was foretold to us as signs of the last days.

But let us consider the classic form of a relationship. He and she meet each other’s eyes and smile warmly at one another. Then suddenly, sooner or later, something switches in the mind of one of them, and all his thoughts begin to focus on the person who behaved so sweetly toward him and somehow smiles at him in a special way. My heart begins to suggest that this is the person of all my dreams and that perhaps this very person is the answer to my prayers. I begin to look more closely and discover the amazing world of this person, to whom I mean something and who has a genuine interest in every aspect of my life. Or perhaps I see no attention directed toward me and try carefully to hide my feelings, yet I understand that the person who caught my attention meets all my requirements and satisfies my emotional needs.

I become infatuated, sometimes without even realizing it or understanding what is happening to me. If I do not know God and am unaware of what He requires in relationships between the sexes and what He forbids, I will drift with the current of my feelings and try with all my might to attain what attracts me so strongly.

But when I know God personally and understand His will, I enter into a struggle with myself. If I am single, I am free to make my choice within the bounds of God’s law and instructions. But if I am married, I cannot follow the lead of my feelings, for they are a very unreliable adviser, and I begin to resist actively.

Infatuation is not agape love, although it can grow into it if everything in the relationship proceeds properly and decently and has God’s approval. Infatuation is an extremely complex mechanism placed within us by God—a combination of biochemistry, feelings, will, and consciousness—which sometimes cannot be controlled but simply crashes into your life, leaving you unsure what to do with it, and you plunge into it headfirst. Yet although this is a beautiful state of mind, it deprives me of logical thinking, and I may misjudge the situation and the object of my infatuation. If I allow the enemy of human souls to teach me during this time and control my feelings, he will successfully lead me to break God’s law—first in my thoughts and feelings, and then, if I permit it, in my actions.

Nevertheless, infatuation is good in that it helps unite two individuals who are completely different in their inner makeup into one sound and strong structure called a family.

Infatuation helps me perform great deeds and strive toward personal growth that I would not otherwise pursue. And yet it is a temporary experience of my mind that passes very quickly once I have attained my goal. After that I become myself again and wonder how strangely I thought and what I have done. And where did that intensity of passion go, which seemed destined to be my eternal companion and ruler?

It may also happen that after I come to my senses, all my interests turn in the opposite direction and I begin to hate the one who had been so desirable to me.

Love is a firm and profound principle for building strong relationships. Unlike infatuation, it has a solid foundation and a mutual, constant connection with the Source of life and love. It can build where everything is collapsing and descending into chaos. Love knows how to restore ruins and mend what has been torn apart. It is not afraid of disappointments and turns everything to good.

Love does not prevent my heart from becoming infatuated, but it guides this process, warns me of danger or of breaking the rules, and provides a way out by replacing the flare-up of feelings and emotions with itself. It looks something like this. Someone has somehow entered my heart and begun to trouble it, while the flesh tries to convince me that this is the person of my dreams. And this is quite a pleasant experience. But my reason immediately reminds me of the words of God’s law, which tell me that I am under the law of marriage and that there is no place in my heart for other people in the way the flesh suggests. Love, however, tells me not to develop this relationship in that direction but to transform it, accepting this person simply as a human being, as a sister who does not know about my feelings but sees me as a mentor and an example of obedience to the truth and needs simple respect and help in resolving difficult matters. I choose this path, ask God to remove fleshly desires from me, and begin actively resisting every evil thought.

I honestly admit that sometimes I am deeply ashamed that such thoughts come into my mind. But I do not allow them to build a nest there.

Such a struggle is part of the very great spiritual conflict in which we are all engaged. Living as a recluse will not solve this problem properly, although it may protect me from acting. Victory consists in being among people whom you find pleasant while behaving in a friendly, tactful, and respectful way and remaining pure in thoughts and feelings before God and before people.

Establishing and stating boundaries in relationships is very appropriate in such cases. I usually say, “I love my wife, and I am willing to continue our relationship within these boundaries.”

And the Lord gives the right understanding of how to conduct oneself further and what should be feared like fire, and He keeps those who are faithful to Him from evil.

Love does not draw my heart toward sin. It cleanses my thoughts from evil and presents everything in purity and joy. Love keeps me pure.

Homework 225

1. In the light of our lesson, please read 2 Samuel 13:1–2, 11–17; Proverbs 23:7; Psalm 51:10; Romans 13:8–10; 12:1–2; Luke 1:17; Romans 8:7–14; James 1:13–17; 1 Thessalonians 4:3–4, 7–8; 2 Corinthians 10:4–5; Matthew 5:8, 27–28; Exodus 20:4, 17; 1 John 4:1; and 1 Thessalonians 5:17, 22–24.

2. What did you understand and learn that was new from this lesson?

3. How do you understand infatuation? What is it?

4. Are you familiar with the expression “rose-colored glasses”? Does it have anything in common with the subject of our lesson?

5. Are people who are infatuated protected from fatal mistakes? Can confidence in one’s feelings be a good adviser?

6. Can Satan use people’s tendency to become infatuated for his own purposes?

7. If you love someone and are certain that it is forever, but this goes against God’s counsel, is it worthwhile to remain faithful to God and deprive yourself of the joy of life?

8. Can Satan so thoroughly charm a person who is infatuated that the person loses his reason?

9. How does love differ from infatuation? Are there any differences?