Foolish Marriages

Each of us, one way or another, dreams in childhood about our own family. The exception may be only mentally or emotionally ill people. A child who grew up in a family sees a model of union between father and mother, between other people with whom he intersects in life. The society and culture of his country create a certain idea about family life. And films, books and all kinds of television programs on this topic convince the mind of a certain behavior model.

In childhood I dreamed that some of my classmates would definitely become my wives. Until 14 years old I did not even imagine where children come from and how they are formed in the womb of a mother, and I was very surprised by the information I read in one of the books for pregnant women that I accidentally found among my mother's things. My views on family changed. I began to understand that I would be able to produce offspring. Along with my views, my motives also changed, which like a reed swayed from all kinds of winds of teachings and influences that came into my life. I did not understand at all what a happy family should be, but I knew for sure that I should have one.

Perestroika in Soviet society brought with it new Western ideology about family life, or rather about the semblance of family outside of marriage. And I saw how my friends acquired some girlfriends, and then others, and then still others, making it clear that they wanted to find the one who would suit them.

Unfortunately, there is an opinion that in marriage the main thing is sexual pleasure, which should give special enjoyment. A young organism can quickly form hormones of joy and attraction to the opposite sex, and a fire burns in the heart, burning through feelings and emotions. And under the influence of such attractions many young people enter into marriage or, worse, create extramarital unions to satisfy their carnal desires. Such an approach to life is very foolish and destructive, but modern media is exactly what propagates it.

God created and blessed sex within the family with a loved one, but the enemy of the soul brought this out for public viewing, making such relationships the meaning of life. And when the union is still created, Satan tries to inspire that your partner is not like that, that he does not bring as much pleasure as there should be, and trips to the side begin in search of romantic pleasures. The consciousness of a person is damaged, and he is already incapable of creating his own happiness, and there is no question of family happiness. It is foolish to build on this.

Another foolish motive for creating a family is the fear of remaining alone and becoming completely unsuitable for family life. The opinion of society creates the illusion that the best time to create a family is from 17 to 25-30 years, especially for women, and then it is too late, and you are simply not interesting to anyone.

It would be wiser to say that a family needs to be created when a person is ready for it morally and has knowledge, when he is able to take responsibility. But you cannot build happiness on fear, and without knowing the foundations of happiness, you can create anything except a happy family.

The fear of being alone, being an old maid, missing your chance, not having children, being separated from a loved one and other fears are a very foolish foundation for creating any family, not to mention a happy one.

Sometimes the decision to enter into marriage is motivated by the fear of death of a dear person in case of your refusal. I know a situation when my brethren asked to pray for their daughter, who decided to marry a drug addict. She explained her decision by saying that he would perish without her, and with her he has a chance to reform and become a normal person. And he told her that if she left him, he would commit suicide. History contains many examples of such foolishness when such threats were carried out. But to build a family out of pity and compassion for a partner or for yourself is foolish. We are not forbidden to be friends with people, although there is advice that these not be evil associations, but to build your happiness on the problems of another, considering yourself a savior, is a rather foolish motive and foundation. It is also sad that such people can carry out their threats and take their own lives.

There is another kind of pity, when it is simply a pity to leave a person alone, because without you he will be bad, and he will suffer, and his suffering will hurt me.

A family is not a charitable organization for providing emotional rehabilitation to friends. For bringing a person out of crisis there are other instruments of influence and salvation.

And if a person is sick, and it is very pitiful for him, then creating a family with him will not heal his illness, but can kill a healthy person too.

A sense of duty is also not the best motive for building family happiness. For example, my parents decided that I should take as my wife the one whom they consider worthy for me, or whom they liked. I should consider their assessment, but it is necessary to listen to my heart too. And if someone of the opposite sex showed care about me or was kind and friendly to me, then I become a debtor to this person, and the enemy of the soul inspires me with thoughts that I can repay the debt only by creating a family with him. I know cases when precisely such motives moved people when concluding marriage unions. Although the Bible teaches us that we should not be debtors to anyone, it does not mean creating a family on such a shaky foundation.

Another type of frequent foolishness consists in hasty decisions. If I want to have a house, I do not build four walls with a roof without foundation, just so that it does not blow and does not drip. In such things I am more prudent and do not want to invest money in what will collapse at the first hurricane. But when creating a family for some reason this logic stops working for many. Wisdom does not hurry to make quick decisions in such important matters. It weighs everything, analyzes, listens to its heart, considers the opinion of wise and experienced people, consults with God, understands responsibility and tests relationships. My future house will not suffer if I decide to make statistical calculations and test it for strength and stability, attracting appropriate specialists to this. It will not be superfluous to get to know better the one with whom I will have to live all my life. It is better now to spend more time for close acquaintance than later to blame yourself for haste.

Marriage by calculation is also not a very wise decision. "Rich Pinocchio" may turn out to be a very bad spouse, with whom it will be unbearable to live together with an abundance of everything. To give your life to another in exchange for temporary material goods is a rather foolish enterprise.

Although in all these cases there may be and are exceptions, wisdom still has its own principles and always consults with reason, and then protects those who chose it as a friend.

Being foolish has become fashionable and popular, and this spirit even infects believers. To be foolish when creating a family is a tragedy for life.

Once we were repairing an old house, and its owner complained about how much money he had already poured into this "smelly barn," and it still did not stop being old and smelly.

1. Please read: Prov. 18:22; 30:18-20; 1 Cor. 7:23; 15:33; Ps. 36:16; 1 John 4:18; Rom. 13:8; Prov. 1:5-8,22-33; 8:1-21; 10:1; 11:27-30; 12:15; 13:20; 14:1,11-12,24; 15:21; 16:22; 18:2; 23:9; 27:22; 28:20; Eccl. 10:3; Jer. 4:22; Matt. 7:18-20,24-27 in light of this topic.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. Why cannot pity be a good counselor in choosing a life partner?

4. Is it possible to build something good on carnal attractions to each other?

5. Why can fear of loneliness and any other fear not be good building material in building a happy family?

6. Can all rich single people be good family people?

7. Does a person's wealth speak of his wisdom?

8. Is it wise to create a family out of a sense of duty?

9. Can the influence of hormones lead people to making ill-considered and foolish decisions?

10. What should I do if I understand that I am foolish?

11. Can someone wise in his own eyes make another happy?

12. Did you learn something useful for yourself from this lesson?

13. Why is it worth approaching the creation of a family responsibly?

14. Can hasty decisions when creating a family lead to catastrophe?

15. Do you know exceptions to those rules that were presented in this lesson? Can they be guided by?

16. Do you understand that the presented examples also apply to believers?