Age Difference

At one of the camp meetings I met brother Victor (name changed), who during joint walks told me about his family happiness and about how the Lord sent him Rebecca from Gen. 24:15, who now delights his heart.

My attention was drawn to the fact that Victor was 24 years older than his wife, and I asked him various questions to understand how husbands and wives with such an age difference live. In the end, I understood that all ages submit to love. And his Rebecca meanwhile remained at home alone, resting from the family.

On the last evening, after the closing of the camp meeting, Victor wanted to go home without waiting until morning. He decided not to inform his wife about his unexpected return, so as not to disturb her sleep. Upon arriving home, my friend saw a strange car in his parking lot, and upon entering the house, discovered an unfamiliar man in it. That night no one else slept in Victor's house. Unfortunately, Rebecca turned out not to be a Biblical hero.

Does the Bible tell us anything about what age newlyweds should be, and what is an acceptable age difference between spouses?

How old was the mother of Jesus when she heard the news of the Son's birth? I read a study that she was about 15 years old at that time. And how old was Joseph when he was betrothed to Mary? He was a widower, in advanced years, having in his care his sons and daughters, who later tried to influence the younger Jesus, trying to draw Him into their worldly life. Mary had no other children except Jesus, therefore the Lord entrusted John to take care of His mother.

Studying the works of the Spirit of Prophecy, I also did not encounter specific numbers about what age difference is acceptable when creating a family. We are given advice that it should not be large, especially if the wife is older.

Why is God silent on this issue and does not set any restrictions?

Recently my 60-year-old acquaintance shared a photo of his newborn daughter, sister of two little brothers. And their mother is about 40.

Who can determine whether this is an acceptable age for a happy marriage? Where is that boundary in years that is better not to violate? In this matter the Lord gave us absolute freedom, but at the same time endows us with reason.

Once I met a young man who praised his girlfriend, who was 14 years older than him. He convinced me that there simply is no better person in the world. And I listened to him and tried to understand what would happen next.

My friend, Vadim (name changed), decided to marry the best girl in the world. But at the premarital counseling the pastor told him that the wife should not be younger than five years, maximum six. The minister considered this the most acceptable option for excellent family relationships. Vadim traveled to all the churches in our country, trying to find one that would correspond to pastoral standards. He found one, got married, and after many years complained to me that the sister who was 10 years younger was close to his heart, but he did not even consider her so as not to fall under the disapproval of the church. I listened and was amazed at such advice.

God respects our choice. He unites in marriage those whom we choose, declaring before Heaven as husband or wife. No matter how society looks at the newlyweds, whatever they say about them, there comes a moment when they are left alone with each other and begin to build their family happiness, regardless of what others think of them. If their hearts have known agape love and are set on strengthening this love in relationships, then their family union becomes a place where God's angels help in building a cozy hearth, warming their united hearts with the warmth of happiness and mutual love.

The world teaches us that only the young, rich, strong and beautiful are worthy of true happiness, and very colorfully shows the path to happiness in its films and books. And what the continuation will be, no one is interested.

And what should people do who have fallen in love with each other and are drawn heart to heart, having an age difference, and their friends do not understand how one can act this way contrary to all norms and customs?

Wisdom suggests that it is worth considering the appearance of children who need healthy and capable parents. An elderly father may die before the time when the children grow up, and who will engage in their upbringing? And will a mother in years be able to give a small child the attention that he needs? Health reform helps to be in shape at any time of life, but who studies it?

When does that age come when it is better not to create a family? What will happen when old age covers the body of one of the spouses? Will love endure such a test? Will marriage become a heavy burden in anticipation of the imminent death of a loved one, to find someone younger?

Marriage is a union of man and woman forever. It is valid for all age categories and has no retroactive force until death separates the spouses.

If the age difference is very large, then there is a danger that the younger spouse will compare their companion with younger persons, where the energy of youth will always be the winner.

Years give a person experience and teach wisdom, lack of health helps to value what is lost, and pain in the body points to the superiority of smooth movements and caution. This is the reality that young people need to take into account. Each age has its own peculiarities, and they manifest at a time determined by God.

Will my family happiness withstand the opinion of the world? It is for me to decide.

Love teaches to love at all times, and years only establish me in love, which brings happiness not only to me, but also to those whom I love.

The difference between 18 and 38 seems very large. But between 78 and 98 it is somehow not so significant. What is the difference?

No matter how much you are drawn to your older or younger friend, weigh all the pros and cons before you begin family relationships. Will you be faithful to him even if he grows old before you? Will he remain faithful to you in his love if gray hair covers your head and there is no paint in the store? Will a woman taught by years respect her young husband or choose the path of "general in a skirt," always dissatisfied with everything?

It is impossible to answer all these questions unambiguously correctly.

But if happiness exists and is successfully being built by both spouses, then it is unlikely that the desire will arise to destroy it with one's own hands or allow it to be broken by strangers.

In any case, the last word and decision remains with the husband and wife. A Solid Foundation will help to endure all storms and trials and enter into Eternity with a pure heart and great experience of happiness, love and friendship.

So what age difference is acceptable? It is worth considering the culture and mentality of the region where this takes place. The state does not prohibit entering into marriage starting from 18 years. But it is also necessary to have the support of the church brotherhood, so as not to be a stumbling block to anyone.

And without mutual agape love, nothing should even be started. There will be no benefit from this union. We read in Jer. 17:9: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

1. Please read: John 13:34; Gen. 23:1-2; 24:1,58-67; 25:1-2; Prov. 1:7; 2:10-19; 3:13-18; 4:23-27; 9:10-18; 13:10; Eccl. 8:1; 12:13-14; 1 Cor. 3:11-15; 7:2; 13:1-8; James 3:13-18 in light of this topic.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. Does it matter what age difference loving people have?

4. What age difference when creating a family do you consider acceptable?

5. Can the advanced age of one of the parents affect the health of future children?

6. Why are there no instructions in the Bible about what age difference is acceptable for creating a family?

7. Can the age difference between husband and wife affect family happiness?

8. Will two spouses with a large age difference be able to be happy in their family if they both wish to be happy?

9. In your opinion, what age difference between spouses is large, and what is small?

10. Do you know marriages where the husband is much older than his wife or where the wife is older than her husband? Are these happy people?

11. What does the happiness of a family with a large age difference depend on?

12. Should one consider accepted notions in society about age when deciding to create one's family?

13. Will God bless that marriage where the husband is much older than his chosen one?

14. Can mutual love between spouses make their marriage happy, despite the age difference?

15. If a husband and wife with a large age difference are happy with each other, does this mean that they are playing theater for the public?