Is It Worth Understanding Each Other?

He and she came to the pastor, tenderly holding each other's hands, with a request for blessing on their union. He was American, she was from India. They met and became acquainted at an international youth congress. From the first minutes of acquaintance they felt that they were created for each other. Although they could not communicate and did not understand each other, their mutual love covered all these shortcomings. They wanted to always be together. After some resistance and disagreement from the pastor, the young man still got his way, and they were declared husband and wife.

After some time this young man came to the pastor for advice. He did not know what to do with his wife, who lives by different rules and prepares strange food. Although she is learning English, her understanding of life and everyday life is somehow wild and strange. He could not imagine how to continue living with the one he chose. And communication in broken language led to the fact that it was easier for him not to communicate. Friends also could not visit their house, as they did not know how to behave with such a couple.

Once I met Martin and Maria (names changed), who lived in another city and sometimes attended our meeting. They always sat next to me. He was a local German, and she was born in Africa. I observed this couple and tried to understand why they decided to unite into one family. Later I learned their story. Martin fell in love with a girl from his own people, who was close to his heart, but his relatives opposed such a union and dissuaded Martin from the wrong step. Everything reached the point that their union did not take place. Martin's grief knew no bounds, and he decided to take revenge on his relatives. He went to a Christian dating site and chose for himself the most unattractive sister, invited her to visit and married her. All the relatives were shocked by such a marriage and broke off relations with their relative. Martin rejoiced, but continued to live with Maria, as he did not want to remain alone. Maria quickly mastered the German language and could freely express her thoughts.

When my wife and I invited them to visit us, they turned out to be quite interesting interlocutors and told us about their life and plans. But there was such a feeling that they are unfamiliar with each other and have no feelings between themselves, do not touch each other, although they are always and everywhere together and perform ministry in a unified understanding. They have no children, and very much is unclear in their relationship.

Quite often I met people, citizens of different countries, who, having met each other, fell in love and planned to create a family. I had to conduct small premarital consultations. I advised them, despite their common native language, to make a decision that they have one citizenship. Which one? They had to decide this themselves. I explained this by the fact that between countries and peoples sometimes separations and military conflicts occur, and it is unknown how in such a situation their joint life will turn out, and what will happen to their children. And later, observing their marriage, I noticed that some such friends have a lot of worries about the fact that their relatives are quite far away, and visiting them periodically is very costly, in addition, constant rushing from country to country exhausts and creates incomprehensible fuss. And children cannot understand where their home is and why they have to travel back and forth so often?

One acquaintance of mine chose a bride from another city and every weekend traveled to her for dates. This girl was quite pretty and had an attractive physique. She was very sociable and cheerful. But the young man had questions that he decided to ask me. He said that he had never seen her with a Bible in her hands, although she herself was from a believing family, and he did not understand how this would affect their future family. I did not know what to answer, but expressed the assumption that if a person is not taught in a believing family to study the Bible, then most likely he will never do this and will not teach this to his children. Something like this happened, although the prettiness did not disappear.

I also know those who created a family before conscription into the army, and then went to military service, leaving their wife to wait for a couple of years for their beloved. I did not understand such unions, thinking that one could get married after the service.

Once we were in search of new housing, and we were offered to move into a house whose owner was seriously ill, and relatives sent her to a nursing home. She was a member of our church.

Later I learned the fate of this woman. She got married at the beginning of World War II, and her husband was taken to the front. A year later he died in battle. Grief became part of this woman's life. She loved her first husband so much that she did not want to create a family with anyone else. But over the years she decided to marry a paralyzed brother and take care of him. This man had a small son, whom our sister began to raise. She never knew her new husband, but tenderly cared for him until his death. And when I communicated with this elderly sister, she told me how she loves her first husband, and showed me a photo of a German officer.

I gave all these examples, familiar to me from life, not condemning anyone, but trying to understand whether it is necessary to take such steps, so that then all your life you think about the correctness of your act?

God is able to turn any mistake into a blessing. Although it will cost me very dearly, I will understand something. I like to learn from other people's mistakes, and then warn other people too. Although I myself have quite a few life blunders, but having gone through this path, I urge not to follow my rakes or the rakes of our friends. Someone listens and "takes note," and someone decides to prove to me that I am wrong, and feelings are a fairly reliable advisor. I can only observe, so that later I can tell other people about what happens to those who build their happiness on sand.

And I also noticed that someone makes mistakes in choosing a life partner, but does not learn from them, believing that next time they will definitely be lucky, and steps on other rakes, but considers them random bad luck and goes looking for new adventures.

Sometimes I found myself in a situation when I realized that in order to understand the essence of things, you need to let them into your life and personally taste them. But I do not advise anyone to experiment in marriage union. People are not things. And the one who becomes my flesh will not be able to simply, painlessly for both of us, leave me.

Love can work a miracle and correct any, even the most foolish mistake. But is it worth condemning yourself to such trials ahead of time, without even trying to understand and study the science of happiness. After all, you can make sure that happiness exists, and it operates according to certain laws. If I invent my own laws and try to live by them, then maybe something will work out for me, but for others I will become a visual example of how not to act.

I tell you about my mistakes and my observations of the lives of others, and you read and draw conclusions yourself.

And decide for yourself, do you need this?

1. Please read: John 6:33-34; 1 Cor. 14:6-11; Prov. 18:22; 21:30; 31:30-31; Job 12:7-14; Ps. 1:1-3; 72:24-25; Neh. 13:23-24; 1 Cor. 3:10-19; Prov. 1:22-33; 3:35; 10:1; 11:29-30; 13:16,29; 14:1,15; 15:5; 16:22; 17:21,25; 19:3; 26:8; 28:26; Rom. 12:9-10; John 15:12-13; 1 Pet. 1:22 in light of this topic.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. Is it wise to create a family to spite others?

4. If someone bites off their finger to make it unpleasant for enemies, can such a person be considered wise?

5. Why when creating a family is it worth thinking about a joint future?

6. What should a person planning serious relationships with someone from another country pay attention to?

7. Can marriage affect my relationship with the Lord?

8. Is it important what kind of person you choose for yourself, and does he speak your language?

9. Does every person from your denomination suit as a life partner?

10. How to predict whether my union will be a mistake or a blessing for both of us?

11. Is it wise to rely on the motto: "What if I get lucky?"

12. Can a union with a foreigner create problems in the family?

13. Is it important that everyone at home speak the same language and understand each other?

14. Do you believe that spouses, whatever they may be, become emotionally attached to each other?

15. Is it worth recommending divorce to people if they realize that they do not suit each other?