Do I Really Need This?

No matter how much I want to create a family, no matter how much I dream that two are better than one, still it is worth asking myself an honest question: "Do I really need this?"

No matter how good the phrase "family life" sounds, no matter how much I strive to gain this happiness, it is necessary to decide and honestly answer myself whether I need this.

I do not know what awaits me in the future, and who my life companion will turn out to be. I do not know what I will become in a few years, and what motive drives me now in creating a family. If I want to have a family only for the sake of family, because my relatives or immediate environment are putting pressure on me, then my motive will be wrong. If I strive to create a family for the sake of family, for the sake of children, for the sake of a non-lonely future, then I should take into account that my interests may change with certain family difficulties of life. To be under one roof with a person you do not know or do not love all your life is quite risky. The Lord knows what will bring me happiness, but whether I need it, I must decide myself.

We are given a warning about difficult times at the very end of history. Will my family be able to be a blessing to me in these days? I do not know. And will I be able to endure those events that will also touch my family life? I have many questions to which there are no direct answers in the Bible.

We are not given a prohibition on creating a family. The Lord considers my choice and blesses me in the decision I make. He will bless my family if I decide to create it. He will also bless me in my loneliness if I wish to remain so. For God there is no difficulty in preserving me alone or together with my wife from all evil, when we both want this. Therefore, we are not forbidden to marry or get married. But we do not know what the last time is preparing for us, and what trials await us. The Spirit of Prophecy warns believers that in the last time of earth's history, families should not be created, because this may present certain difficulties.

Even regarding the very last time, we do not have special commands not to create families.

And will I be a blessing to my life companion? Why do I need a family now? Will I actually find the one with whom I will link my fate, whom I will care for all my life, get to know her better, constantly think about her happiness, study her character at all times and share my discoveries with this person dear to me? Will she appreciate such a relationship? Will she seek the same for me? What will we build together in our family?

Jesus said in the message from Matt. 24:19: "But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days!" And what is woe? This is when some tragedy happens in my life. Perhaps in the last days the Lord will lay to rest many of our children and those people who will not be able to endure the time of trouble. The Spirit of Prophecy confirms this thought. When I lose a small child, this brings me an extraordinary amount of grief that overshadows my life. When planning a family, I do not want to think about the death of future children, but it is worth considering what time we live in.

The state policy of our countries is aimed at our children. We cannot rule over a child as we want. At a certain time he will have to go to an Egyptian school and receive a secular education in order to work for the world, and the studied sciences may damage his mind and make him unfit for eternal life. Children are a gift from the Lord. And all our life, all hopes are invested in them, our future is enclosed in them. But we do not know who they will become, living in this fallen and corrupted world. Am I ready to sacrifice what I will have to give to this little person? Will I take responsibility to leave everything for my family, for my children, for our family happiness?

And do I have the correct understanding of a happy family and how God wants to see it? Will I be that friend who loves at all times and who will become a blessing to my other half?

Will I be able to be a warrior of Christ if I decide to remain alone? What ministry for God have I chosen for myself? And what future will God give me in response to my loneliness?

There are very many questions and all kinds of assumptions to which it is worth giving an honest answer to oneself. Getting to know a person better, I still do not know with whom I am going to create a family. Feelings are not a very reliable advisor in such an important matter. Will there be mutual love between us? Will I be able to love the one who, perhaps, will not experience happiness from my presence with her under one roof?

To link one's life with a person who is as lonely as you is not the best decision if we do not know each other and we are simply tired of living alone. My innate selfishness will not make another person better or happier if I do not ask for God's blessing on these changes. Love will not come into my life just like that, only because I got married. It must be wanted and asked for, and sometimes it must be begged for, in order to perform good deeds with correct motives. Life with Christ teaches me many important things.

Love for one another prompts me to very correct and beautiful behavior. I understand the following. If we are to create a family, then for this it is necessary first to love one another according to the commandment, and then, if the heart will hint to you about changing your status and your friend will be experiencing the same thing, then together something can be undertaken.

It is worth asking the following question: "And why do you need me?" to your candidate for family life as well. It may turn out that you are full of feelings and prospects, and he simply does not need all this, and he only wants to love you and live in these beautiful mutual relationships, without binding himself with family obligations.

God does not call us for friends of the opposite sex who love one another to create families. It is not for this purpose that this new commandment is given to us. And if I propose to a sister to fulfill this commandment, this does not mean that I plan to create a happy family with her or hint to her about interesting circumstances in the future. One should not reduce God's plan to personal interests. God does not forbid us to marry and get married when there is mutual love between us.

If I plan to love a friend of the opposite sex only with the goal of creating a happy family in the future, then by this I can dishonor the name of Jesus, applying this commandment only for my personal interests. The Lord knows my deceitful heart, how corrupted it is, and therefore will always test me, revealing to me the true motives of my good deeds.

But when I ask myself such a question, ask it honestly, ask this same question to God, ask this question to a loved one, then I can hear the correct answer that will put everything in its place.

Perhaps a friend who did not want to create a family will nevertheless decide on this step in order to always be near and help me accomplish our salvation, glorifying God in this union.

Or maybe this is all we need?

1. Please read John 1:38; Gal. 5:13-15; Gen. 2:18; Eccl. 4:9-12; Prov. 12:4; 14:1; 19:13-14; 27:15; 31:30; 1 Cor. 7:32-40; 11:11-12; Eph. 5:33; Rev. 19:7; Gal. 5:1 in light of this topic.

2. What new things did you learn from this lesson?

3. What does the Bible say about human freedom of choice?

4. Can the main question of this lesson be applied to other spheres of life?

5. Is it bad to ask yourself and a friend the question: "Do you need this?"

6. Did Jesus ask you such a question: "What do you want?" from John 1:38.

7. When I understand that I do not need someone as a family member, is it worth further developing the relationship?

8. Can my flesh convince me that I do not need spiritual friends? If yes, should I listen to this?

9. If I really need a friend dear to my heart, is it worth convincing myself that I do not need this?

10. Does family impose additional responsibility on a person?

11. Should one link one's life with someone who does not need you?

12. How to understand whether I need the whole person or only his body, or property, or fame, or...?

13. What to do if we understood that we need each other, and we really need this?

14. Is it even worth asking yourself such questions?

15. Will love help me give the correct answer to such complex questions?