Peculiarities of Premarital Friendship

We made a joint decision to be friends with the goal of creating a family. Our relationship moved into an interesting phase of knowing each other. Our hearts tuned to a certain period of time during which we decided to remain friends in mutual knowledge. Having no experience of such relationships, we began to acquire it.

Our agreement does not obligate us to get married. We do not know each other well enough to entrust our lives into other hands. And to understand what these hands will be like, we need time, we need revelations from the Lord, joint communication and common affairs. But our hearts are set on family, and although this goal is conditional, it sets a certain spirit and meaning to our relationship.

For example, if we decide to be just friends and love each other, this does not limit us in the opportunity along with this union to create new relationships. But if I wanted to be friends with the goal of entering into marriage and for this chose two or three girls, so that later I could decide which of them suits me better, then this is unacceptable and will look quite insulting.

I can choose my future wife from a dozen candidates for this place. I can have friendly relations with all, but when my choice fell on a specific person, and we decided to be friends with the goal of creating a family, then it is expected that such friendship will be only between us. Although this agreement gives us the opportunity to become closer in mutual knowledge, it does not prohibit communication with other people, and I behave as one who conditionally already belongs to another person and maintains loyalty to this belonging, not violating these boundaries and not allowing others to cross them either.

Many years ago a young man came to our church who had cheerful communication with the youth, and after the service he asked me to take several photos on his camera. He tenderly embraced one of our sisters and smiled sweetly at the camera. I was surprised by such closeness of an unfamiliar brother, and later I asked his father about how serious such relationships are. To this I received the answer that this person, like a sailor, has a girlfriend in every church, and the parents no longer take such antics seriously. What is interesting is that all these girlfriends think that they are the only ones in such a role. There should not be such a thing in our friendship. Everything should be honest and open.

The Bible does not forbid me to have many friends, love them and be friendly, but to be friends for a future family one should only with one person.

If I see that the one I chose for joint life does not suit me, then before entering into marriage one can terminate premarital relations and move to the status of an ordinary friend, notifying all relatives, friends and brethren about this. We are free to manage our lives within the framework of our understanding. Such a step can bring the pain of breaking relationships, but friendship and love soften this pain and help to live on calmly. It is better immediately, before marriage, to decide what will be impossible to change later. For this such friendship is chosen, to find out how compatible we are.

Not all believers suit each other as members of one family. And to determine this, close joint pastime is needed. One should not bind oneself with strong bonds with someone with whom you decided to be friends to know them better. After all, this friendship is conditional and does not carry strict obligations.

Also one should not plan such relationships for several long years, thinking that someday we will mature for a final decision. Of course, if your candidate is only 14, and you are 16, then you need to wait until you reach legal age, and gain wisdom during this time so as not to make a mistake.

If our friendship revealed our incompatibility or some vices that are unacceptable to bring into the family, then it is best to terminate the relationship before the wedding is announced. It is more reasonable to suffer a little now than to suffer all the rest of your life.

But not every incompatibility is fatal. Perhaps my carnal heart cannot live in the spiritual atmosphere of love and sends me alarming signals to break off relations. One should soberly evaluate oneself and one's friend.

Acceptance solves many questions better than we imagine. I see that my girlfriend thinks differently than I do, sees everything differently, has her own opinion and differs very much from me. In a word, the complete opposite. But this is how the Lord created us, so that in this diversity we could delight and complement each other.

I know some single people who consider the opposite sex so unacceptable for themselves that they do not even want to talk about any marital relations. But this is their right. With such a spirit it is better not to spoil someone's life. Acceptance is the agreement of my will with the peculiarities of my neighbor and condescension to their differences.

The spirit of love and friendship helps me see and accept all the advantages and disadvantages of the one who plans to become my other half, and opens me to her. And in this mutual knowledge of each other we make vital decisions that give us the right direction and help us understand what we need.

If we decided to part before we said "yes" to each other, then we are free to build our life as we want and with whom we wish. But one should not become enemies and tell outsiders the secrets of another person into which we were initiated during our close communication.

To remain friends is the law of Heavenly life, which will help us not to lose earthly happiness and have joy seeing the happiness of a friend who decided to arrange their life without you.

It is hard to be rejected, even if everything was leading to this. But love quickly puts everything in its place and convinces me of a better prospect.

If someone took away my girlfriend, making her understand that he is better, then this is their right. Let it be so. And it is good that this happened outside of marriage. And I will pray for their happiness and rejoice that everything is working out well for them.

Although breakups of relationships can happen, most often this is an exception rather than a rule. We are not blind people and understand to whom we offer friendship and give consent to relationships. If I chose the one with whom I decided to live the rest of my life, then I am no longer interested in other women. I am tuned to a specific person and study them comprehensively.

Our hearts are arranged to cling to someone and in this union become one whole for solving joint tasks. We are created for each other, and when I find my half and cling to her, we become one person, and outside this union we are single man and woman. All the good that we discover in each other before the wedding will help us after to preserve our friendship and develop it within the family, passing on our love and friendliness to children.

God's blessing always abides where His love reigns. Whether it be friendship or family, or just communication, everywhere love produces good influence and gives joy to the heart. It is worth having it in relationships before marriage, and all the more in it.

1. Please read: Gen. 2:24; Luke 20:34; Prov. 17:17; 18:24; Song 5:16; John 13:34-35; 1 Pet. 1:22; 1 Cor. 7:28,32-34; Rom. 8:28,38-39; Matt. 24:37-38 in light of this topic.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

4. Do you think it will be right to know your friend better before the wedding or is it not worth spending time on this, but better to get married right away, and there as it turns out?

5. What does their knowledge of each other before the wedding give to people who want to enter into marriage? What does this change?

6. If two people decided to create a family, does this mean that they suit each other?

7. Is it worth discussing with a candidate for family all the peculiarities of premarital relations? Or should they themselves know everything and guess about my plans?

8. What should you do if your chosen one cannot live without you? Should you believe them or should this be checked?

9. Will it be honest to have premarital friendship with several candidates for family?

10. What should you do if the heart loves two or several girlfriends, and they all suit for family? With which of them should you begin relations? Or is it better not to marry at all?

11. What should you do if you want to have a family, but there is no such person who could occupy this place?

12. Is God interested in our family happiness? Will He participate in what we are building?

13. Will God show the dangers of an unsuccessful marriage union if we ask Him about this before the wedding? If yes, in what way?

14. How to understand God's will regarding the creation of our family? How should the Lord declare it to us?

15. Does the freedom in choosing a life partner that we have in the Lord please you? Why does the Lord allow us to make independent decisions in this important matter?