Uncomfortable and Foolish Questions

Planning to create a family, we have close communication in which we know the depths of our hearts. In our friendship and love for one another, we sometimes see only what we have in our relationships, but this does not give us a complete understanding of how a friend will manifest himself, and what thoughts we have in ourselves.

We are interested in many things that have nothing to do with our relationship but satisfy our curiosity. Very often our questions to each other can be foolish and disconcerting, for which it becomes shameful. But a word once spoken cannot be taken back. And such mistakes can threaten our relationship because they present us in an unfavorable light. How will love act in these situations? It is difficult to say. Although I choose love and friendship, I no longer want to link my life with a foolish and superficial person.

And if foolish questions lead us to a quarrel, then the enemy of the soul immediately tries to present each of us to each other in the most disgusting light, reminding us of those moments from our relationship that before the quarrel we did not want to notice.

Foolish questions can be humiliating in nature, can violate a person's freedom, can bring him into sorrow or surprise a friend with their foolishness. But unfortunately, we are sometimes like this.

The world teaches us many bad things. Jokes and anecdotes, foolish films and theatrical productions have a strong influence on us. Looking at all this, we are transformed into our heroes and make their way of thinking and behavior our own. And such imitation will necessarily manifest itself in friendship.

Not every foolishness is dangerous. One should not immediately terminate relations with the one you love, but you should seriously discuss such moments to understand how deeply they sit in the heart.

I do not recommend asking a friend questions about what sins and vices he committed in the past, especially if these sins are forgiven. The Lord does not want us to retrieve from the ocean depths what He has buried there forever. There are also questions that can reveal our foolishness, self-interest, vanity, whim, or lust.

If you have already had someone before your friend with whom you had extramarital relations, then you should honestly tell about this before entering marriage, because if such things are revealed in marriage, they can bring serious problems into it. However, you should also take into account the time in which such an experience occurred. Perhaps the Lord has already forgiven and cleansed everything, so you should not make another tragedy out of this. But whatever the answer, it should always remain between us, even if we decide to part. One cannot put other people's secrets on public display.

There are questions of an everyday nature that will necessarily surface in the family, and it is desirable to ask them before marriage. For example, if your friend has real estate, then to whom will it go if he suddenly dies, to whom will all the property of your other half go; to whom will I give my treasures accumulated over a lifetime, and how many of them do I have.

Although for some this is not so important, there are such friends who are more interested in this than in you. Such questions should not be asked in the first days of friendship, but they need to be discussed before creating a family. If there are children from the first marriage, then it is important to understand what status they will have in our family. It is also worth figuring out how money will be spent and what projects it will be directed to.

The money question and love of money are those spheres of family relations in which you can take second place, even if you are the main breadwinner. Not everything that is brought into our family can be a blessing for us. A mercenary spirit will separate us from good friends, and this must be taken into account.

Perhaps I think that a wife should work, but she does not think so. What to do with our elderly parents or how to relate to relatives with whom we are connected by strong ties?

Our diverse relatives exert a strong influence on our thinking and can manipulate a person's will. Not all relatives of your friend may accept you, so you should understand what influence they have, how they can destroy your relationship, and how your friend behaves under this influence. What cuisine will be in our house? Who will cook, and who will clean? We have different ideas about food, and if someone eats meat and drinks coffee, considering it useful, then for someone this can be like death.

What chronic diseases or ailments does your friend have? What bothers him in health matters, and how interested is he in this topic?

What films and programs does he like to watch, what newspapers and books does he read? What political views does he have, how international is he, and what nationalities cause him irritation?

All these and other things can quietly lie in the recesses of our hearts and not manifest themselves in any way during friendship. Our feelings and emotions can be our bread of life and delight us in our communication, and when you feel good, you do not want to lose it and therefore consciously reject uncomfortable questions, thinking that it will somehow settle and be solved by itself, and love will cover everything. But unfortunately, underwater rocks not identified in time will necessarily make themselves known at the most inappropriate time.

When I know what my friend represents, what he lives by, what interests him, then I understand what I can expect in the future and what will not be. And no surprise will become something sudden for me, because I was prepared for this and accepted it before I met it in reality.

It is also important to understand what kind of relationship with Jesus my friend has. How strong and deep are they? What place does God occupy in the life of the one with whom I plan to spend my whole life?

One can think of thousands of uncomfortable questions that will show us who we are to each other. But they should only be asked to the one about whom I have serious plans. If I am simply friends with a person, then uncomfortable questions can be incorrect and spoil our relationship with excessive curiosity that violates a person's freedom. If my friend himself decides to share something personal, then one must be able to listen to him without retelling his secret further. But friendship for creating a family should consciously reveal everything that will be revealed in the family. And it is for me to decide what to do with everything I learn.

But the most important role in our premarital relations is played by my prayer to God that He Himself would reveal to me who my friend is and how he will behave in the family. And the Lord will necessarily create such conditions under which a person will manifest himself from the necessary side. And I will need to understand whether it is worth linking my life with someone who is not like me.

Honesty, openness, desire for change and improvement of one's character can change our views, even if they were not very good. The Lord knows how to remove the unnecessary when we ask Him about this, but for this our consent is needed. Love will cover past mistakes and forget about them, rejoicing in new opportunities and prospects. A family created in love and friendship will help remove many stereotypes from life and bring into it something ours, common, dear to the heart and bringing joy.

1. Please read Prov. 15:22; Eccl. 10:1; Amos 3:3; Ruth 1:16-17; Prov. 11:29; 13:16; 14:15-16; 18:2; 19:1; 25:9; Matt. 7:17-18; Ps. 139:23-24; Job 38:1-41; 39:1-35 in light of this topic.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

4. Is it worth learning from your friend with whom you plan to create a family what interests you?

5. What uncomfortable questions have you heard in your life?

6. Do such questions help solve important tasks before they arise?

7. Do you want to get to know better the one with whom you plan to spend your whole life? Will this not be a provocative factor?

8. Can such uncomfortable questions change something in my worldview?

9. Did God ask people uncomfortable questions? Job 38:1-41, and further. And what did Job answer? Job 40:3-5.

10. Can a friend's voice be God's voice for you?

11. If I am afraid to ask uncomfortable questions, is it worth asking other people to conduct premarital counseling with us?

12. Can my honest answers to uncomfortable questions change something in our relationship?

13. If, by asking questions, I understood that my friend is not suitable for family life, then what to do with this?

14. Am I not risking remaining alone if I start getting into my friend's soul with my questions?

15. Did you learn something useful from this lesson?