Do Not Judge a Friend for the Truth

Sincerity is a quality of a person expressed in honesty, openness, and the absence of false motives or masks in communication and behavior. It is the ability to be sincere with oneself and with others. It is faithfulness to one’s convictions, the absence of fear of judgment, the ability to find compromises in relationships, and to seek solutions to problems in difficult situations.

Sincerity also implies the ability to be open to discussing one’s mistakes and shortcomings without fear of judgment or blame, as well as the willingness to acknowledge one’s successes and achievements without false modesty. This is an important quality that contributes to healthy self-esteem and the development of our relationships with the world around us.

Being honest with one another, especially with the person who has become your other half, is the norm of life, and sincerity helps to build family relationships in the spirit of complete trust and respect.

One careless word of judgment, mockery, or indignation toward a friend’s sincerity can quickly close his heart and prompt him to hide the truth altogether in order to protect the soul from “blows” and unnecessary condemnation.

When a child only begins to speak and understand, he has not yet learned anything bad and always behaves sincerely in his judgments. The first ones to whom he comes with his directness are his parents. Not every truth is pleasant to hear, especially if it reveals something damaging to the child’s character or inconsistent with the family’s way of life. And the child hears in response to his sincerity words of indignation, condemnation, or suffers quick punishment without understanding the reason. In the mind of the little one, defense mechanisms immediately switch on to protect the young mind from harm, and the next time the child prefers to remain silent or to lie in order to avoid condemnation or a negative reaction from the parents. Such thinking quickly becomes fixed in the consciousness and continues to function in communication with others as well.

Such a shift in thinking is common to everyone, because the world in which we live is quite dangerous for a sincere soul and can bring many problems.

But to live with a closed heart is uninteresting, and every person longs to have a true friend with whom one can be sincere and open without fear of judgment or criticism.

Wishing to be sincere, I can deliberately act in this spirit, but if my neighbor is not willing to respect my openness and uses it against me, then I am forced to change the model of the relationship or end it altogether. Love teaches me how to be honest while not giving what is holy and precious to those who will not value it, turning my truth against me.

When people get acquainted for the purpose of friendship or building a family, they begin to test one another, share intimate things, and open up gradually as trust and the duration of communication grow. Each of my reactions and opinions can become either another step forward in the development of the relationship or a boundary in my own or another’s heart that must not be crossed.

It is very easy to judge another, but will it benefit that person and strengthen your relationship?

Let’s take an example. Two lonely people meet and decide to become friends for a serious relationship. At some point, he wishes to express his sincere feelings and asks her permission for a kiss. She, being a girl of honest principles, immediately refuses in categorical form and makes it clear that she is not a woman of light morals, setting an ultimatum to end the friendship if this ever happens again.

But what was her friend’s guilt? He sincerely expressed his feelings, which perhaps for the first time in his life prompted him to take such a step. He decided to share with her his most precious experience, which he could express in this question, without daring to take action.

One can react to such proposals in different ways. To say “no” or “not now,” to ask a counter-question to understand the seriousness of intentions. And if this is considered a violation of her principles, then calmly and with a smile explain, without blaming her friend for his rashness. And it is worth understanding that it was not only a desire to kiss, but an expression of the deepest trust and joy which he decided to show in this way. He did not attack his friend, but asked her a question, expecting her to choose how to answer. And he was ready to listen—and he listened carefully.

Another example from family life. A wife decides to tell her husband about a new purchase she made at a sale, which so delighted her heart but took the last of their money. The husband, knowing the value of money, immediately began to complain about how much she buys and how their apartment is turning into a warehouse of junk. But what was the wife experiencing as she shared her sincere joy? She was happy and wanted to share this with her beloved. She had the best motives and saw in her husband the one who would share her joy. If the husband understood how much she values him by sharing the little joys of life, he might have been able to express his protest differently and explain that now they would have to live in debt.

We pass such tests from early childhood throughout our lives. And if my inadequate reaction to a person’s sincerity was a mistake, then I can quickly acknowledge it and correct everything. But if it is my spirit that drives my thoughts and feelings, then even the most open heart will close to me, and the blame will lie only with me.

A sincere person is very truthful in his attitude, and he expects acceptance and the same sincerity from me.

If you notice that your loved one is not telling you something or avoids a direct answer, do not rush to accuse him of insincerity. Most likely, the problem lies in your own heart and how you react to “uncomfortable truth.” It may also be that your life partner has problems from childhood and is unable to live and communicate otherwise. In that case, your love and wisdom can help him understand this and begin a new path of trust and understanding. Everything can be learned if there is mutual agreement.

How does God treat us when we sincerely tell Him everything, both bad and good? He listens to us, forgives, cleanses, teaches us to live differently, and treats us with special tenderness and care. He knows how and when to punish us, where it is necessary to rebuke, and where simply to remain silent and let us understand and correct things ourselves. It is very important for God to show us that He always loves us, and that we are precious to Him no matter how we behave or what our mood is. For Him, there are no small things, everything is important, and He teaches us to value one another and to be sincere in the simplicity of heart.

We should train ourselves to listen with the soul and to understand a person’s motives, even if he does something wrong.

Without mutual trust and sincere relationships, it is difficult to build shared happiness.

We read the golden rule: “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).

Life in this world has forced each of us to build fences in relationships out of fear, but the Lord calls us to love one another and to be sincere in this love, building bridges. And this is worth learning.

1. Please read John 8:15; 1 John 4:18; Romans 13:10; 14:13; Matthew 7:1-6; 2 Samuel 22:26; Job 33:3; Psalm 15:1-3; 55:14-15; Proverbs 27:6; 2 Corinthians 8:7-8; Philippians 2:20; James 4:11 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Have you ever been in a situation where you did not want to be sincere because of an inadequate attitude toward you?

5. What do you feel when you are scolded or punished for telling the truth?

6. Do you know moments when you yourself were irritated by the sincerity of others?

7. How can sincerity be expressed in ways that are unpleasant to hear?

8. How does God treat you when you honestly confess your sins and mistakes to Him?

9. Should we watch how we react to the sincerity of others?

10. Should sincerity be present in family relationships?

11. What should I do if I want to be sincere in my family, but it threatens me with scandal or undeserved accusations?

12. Should I be offended by someone for their honesty?

13. How can one learn to always be sincere when one is used to living differently?

14. Did this lesson help you understand something important?

15. How can I be sincere if it constantly creates problems?