The Uncut Umbilical Cord

Our union was becoming more and more firmly established in love and harmony each day. Our family councils brought something very delightful and joyful into our relationship. I understood that I had been given a lifelong friend who was willing to cooperate with me and who expected me to fulfill certain responsibilities. And it gave me great pleasure to serve my beloved and constantly invent something that would bring joy and comfort into our relationship.

One day my parents decided to visit us. They did not warn us about their visit and entered our home as if it were their own. At that time, my wife was out in the city taking care of some matters, and I was home alone. My father and I went into the living room and settled comfortably on the couch, while my mother went into the kitchen and began to busy herself with something there.

After a while, I heard the sound of dishes being moved and some quiet grumbling, so I decided to check what was happening.

My mother had taken all the clean plates out of the cupboard and was demonstratively re-washing them, carefully inspecting each one in the sunlight and quietly complaining that this was not the way dishes should be washed. I quickly assessed the situation and was glad that my wife was not at home. Realizing that something was not right, I decided to intervene. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the kitchen had been rearranged in my mother’s style. Not wanting to escalate the situation, I began to silently pray for wisdom from above, to know how to behave properly. Standing next to my mother, I started drying the washed dishes with a towel and checking them in the sunlight to ensure there were no spots left. We quickly finished this task, after which I turned to my mother, inwardly asking God for wisdom: “Mom, thank you for your help. I really appreciate your care for us. But I have a big request: please do not interfere in our life in this way, as you did today. This is our family, and we will figure out ourselves how to live best. Allow us to make our own mistakes and correct them ourselves. I love and respect you, Mom, but my wife is dearer to me, and you must accept that.”

My mother looked at me in surprise and then, saying, “It is not for you to teach me!” demonstratively called my father and, slamming the door, left our home.

I stood there confused, not knowing what to do next. To avoid disrupting the peace in our home, I quickly put the kitchen back in order as it had been and decided not to tell my wife what had happened, instead asking the Lord for wisdom in how to convey to my parents the thought that I was now independent, and that my wife and I wanted to build our life according to our own understanding. Knowing that having such a conversation with my mother would be very difficult, I decided to write her a letter to calmly and clearly express all my thoughts and to convey the important truth she needed to understand. I began to pray for wisdom from above to write such a letter.

When I was courting my future wife, I did not pay much attention to whom she spent time with when I was not around. In marriage, however, I quickly noticed that my beloved spent a lot of time talking on the phone with her mother. I was not against her speaking with her parents, but when this communication began to take away from the time we could spend together on shared activities, I began to wonder what was happening. I did not know what was proper, but I understood that something was going wrong. So, I began to pray for wisdom from above on how to address this issue and to ask the Lord to show me how to respond correctly.

During one of our conversations, I asked my wife this question: “Which people are the closest and dearest in a person’s life?” She immediately replied that parents are the closest people. I asked: “And why are they the closest?” She answered: “Because they, in their union, gave birth to me, and I am flesh of their flesh.” I continued: “And can you imagine them living separately and independently from each other?” She thought for a moment and replied: “Theoretically yes, but in reality they are one whole for me, and I cannot separate them.” I went on: “So who is closer to each other, they to one another, or you to them?” She quickly answered: “They are closer, because they are a family, husband and wife.”

I kept silent, waiting for my wife to realize why I was asking these questions. At first, she seemed lost in her thoughts, and then she looked intently at me and asked: “Do you mean that you and I are the closest people to each other? Closer even than my parents?” I replied: “You are saying it yourself.”

The rest of the evening we spent in silence. I prayed quietly in my heart, asking for God’s presence in our relationship, while my wife was working through a very important matter that required her deep concentration. I did not disturb her and busied myself quietly.

In my heart, I resolved to talk with my wife’s parents, to thank them for their wonderful daughter, and to let them know that she was now mine forever, and that I would take care of her better than anyone else could. But I understood that without God I could not express this properly, so I prayed for wisdom from above to deal with this matter. I realized that speaking with my wife’s parents was necessary and that I needed the right spirit to explain my position clearly. I also needed to clarify for myself how to arrange our life together.

As a backup, I always had the option of writing a handwritten letter, where I could clearly and consistently present my position and ask her parents for understanding.

In such reflections, I came to a deeper realization of how close my beloved and I had become—that only death could separate us. But since I did not want to die, I decided to live and plan this life in my own way.

After a while, my wife came home, hugged me, and said that she wanted to tell me something very important. I tensed up, trying to anticipate her mood, and silently called on God for support and blessing.

Looking me straight in the eyes, as if trying to reach my very soul, she said that from now on I was the closest and dearest person to her, and that she would never give me up to anyone or consider anyone dearer than me. I listened and thanked God for such a great blessing. The meaning of what she said became clear to me as well, and I decided to assure my wife of the same. We embraced tightly and continued telling each other how close and dear we were.

When we let go, I suggested that we share these realizations with our parents and take turns explaining this truth both to hers and to mine.

Together, we decided to call both sets of parents “Mom” and “Dad,” not dividing them into yours and mine. And if they did not like it, we would ask them to suggest how they would prefer to be addressed.

In the following days, I wrote letters to our parents and handed them personally, which caused their genuine surprise. Later, my mother called me in tears, sharing with me the role she had been in within her own family, how she had always struggled for her rights, and how wonderful it was that I had chosen the right path.

1. Please read Genesis 2:23–24; Colossians 3:21; Song of Solomon 7:11; Deuteronomy 5:16; Matthew 19:19; Ephesians 5:25; Colossians 3:19; Malachi 4:5–6; 1 Timothy 5:8; James 1:5–6; Job 12:13; Proverbs 2:10–11; 3:13 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

4. How do you understand the expression “the uncut umbilical cord”?

5. Do parents influence their children? If so, is this bad?

6. Should parents control the behavior and life of their children when they start their own families?

7. What should you do if your parents set rules for life in your family?

8. How can we distinguish where we should honor father and mother, and where we should limit their influence in our family life?

9. How do you understand Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife…”?

10. Is it possible to be one flesh both with your wife and with your parents?

11. What should you do if you want your parents to be in charge of your family, but your spouse is against it?

12. Is it right for newlyweds to live with either set of parents?

13. Would it be right to leave parents who support my family financially and cook delicious food?

14. If I see that my son or daughter behaves foolishly or wrongly in their family, should I interfere in their life?

15. If I do not have a family, can I “leave” my parents?