The Husband’s Duties

Having divided our family responsibilities, my wife and I eagerly set out to fulfill them. But I constantly pondered what specific duties I must carry out as a husband, as the head of the family, and as the father of future children. These thoughts led me in prayer to God, to study the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy, because I longed to understand myself and what the Lord expected of me. I wanted to have firm confidence that our decisions were approved by Heaven, and that we were doing everything correctly.

Reading God’s verdict for the first couple, I realized that the Lord appointed man as the head of the family and would require of him an account for managing his household. I was encouraged by the thought that if I adhered to God’s plan, He would help me in my labors and cares.

It was interesting for me to observe how my wife came up with different tasks for me and gladly laid upon me what was beyond her strength or not to her liking. I decided to give her a little lesson and began reflecting on her duties as they were revealed to me during our interaction, writing new ideas into a notebook. But no matter what, what interested me most was how I should lead my family. Realizing that I was the head, I also recognized the necessity of being the leader in my home. Yet I did not fully understand what that meant, nor how to be a leader. My lack of knowledge and experience in this sphere frightened me. I wanted everything somehow to be resolved on its own. By observing the behavior and attitude of my beloved, I understood that she did not mind me taking the initiative and bringing useful suggestions. She supported me in everything, though at times she would tease me when I acted uncertainly or resisted something that was not to her taste. I also noticed that if certain duties concerned my wife directly, she would do them without complaint and wholeheartedly — and all I had to do was praise her, which she enjoyed very much.

My fears of being a leader often slowed my enthusiasm, and at times robbed me of courage when I had to take responsible steps. I searched for the necessary information wherever I could, and asked family friends how they managed to be leaders and heads of their households. But from some of their answers I realized that they were more interested in their work and friends than their families, and I did not want to end up in the same place. After all, God entrusted me with His most precious daughter, so that I would care for her all my life.

Often, I lacked confidence in my own strength, and sometimes my wife resisted my new role, declaring that we were equals. Then I would open the Bible and explain that since God had decided so, it was better to listen to Him than to follow our own feelings.

With each day of family life, I gained new experiences in my role as leader.

What helped me most was the realization that my greatest duty was to love my wife. Before marriage, I was simply in love with my feelings toward my friend, with whom I planned to create something common. I just enjoyed that infatuation, which stirred all my hormones and gave me energy in everything. For the sake of my beloved, I was ready to perform any feats and do anything just to gladden her heart. But now I was surprised that the reality of family life was not as bright as it had been back then. Hormones reminded me of themselves occasionally, but the couch called me far louder than the gentle requests of my wife. Yet my love for her helped me make the right decisions and shut my ears to the alluring voice of the couch, which so sweetly invited me into its embrace.

I once thought that loving my wife was as simple as snapping my fingers and being filled to overflowing. But in reality, my selfish nature constantly resisted outside requests and tried to drive me into irritation and anger. However, the lessons of unconditional love, which I had learned before marriage in the School of Agape Love, helped me resist my carnal impulses and build my relationship with my wife on the foundation of God’s love.

Time and again I reread the verses that called me to love my wife as Christ loves the Church, trying to understand how this should be fulfilled in my life. My low self-esteem made it very difficult to grasp such a great responsibility.

I realized that this was the talent entrusted to me by the Lord, and I must invest it properly and return it with interest. I deeply desired to please God, and always asked Him for wisdom and strength whenever new questions arose.

Loving my wife turned out to be not so difficult. She gladly accepted this attitude toward herself and sought to respond in kind. And I, every morning, asked God for this love and found in my heart far more of it than the day before.

I also realized that I must be the main provider, ensuring that we had everything necessary for food and daily life. Understanding that my wife was not a horse and the family not a business club, I prayed and pondered how best to manage this matter. I already had several professions, and I wanted to choose one that would not completely consume me, but would still bring stable income. In short, I decided that my wife could work if she wished or found something meaningful, but she should not have to bear this burden on her own. Although she had her own income, sickness or children could change everything unexpectedly. My wife fully agreed when I voiced my decision.

I also realized that God expected me to be the priest in my family and always to ask Heaven for the blessings that our home constantly needed. At this point I felt lost. But I decided: since the Lord Himself had entrusted me with this role, He would also support me.

I had already learned that if I did something according to God’s will, then I would succeed, because He Himself is the Teacher and the Leader.

Understanding the responsibilities of a loving husband, head of the family, provider, leader, and priest, I asked the Lord to teach me all of this and to bless me with heavenly wisdom. And the Lord heard and answered. He always responds when His children ask for something according to His will.

In the evenings, I shared with my wife my decisions about which roles I wanted to fulfill, and she sometimes listened with delight, sometimes with surprise, trying to understand how it would all work in reality. I told her that love makes all this possible. Then, with fear and trembling, I prayed that I might remain faithful in my decisions and justify such a high trust in the eyes of Heaven.

I longed so much for my wife to be surrounded with love, comfort, and security in our home, that I was ready to do everything possible in my strength and means.

To decide is not yet to act, but I knew the Lord would help and support me in these matters, and I would receive His praise if I remained a faithful steward.

I was also pleased that my wife was thrilled with my decisions and wanted to cooperate with me in putting my duties into practice. She promised not to remind me of my responsibilities or point out my duty, but to pray for me and support me morally if something did not work out. And this inspired me even more.

1. Please read Romans 12:1–3; 1 Peter 1:22; Ephesians 5:25–33; Colossians 3:14,19; Genesis 3:16; Revelation 5:9–10; 1 Peter 2:9–12; 1 Timothy 5:8; 1 Corinthians 7:33; Philippians 2:2–5; Matthew 25:21 in the light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

4. Should a husband know his duties before God?

5. Should a wife explain to her husband what his duties are?

6. Will God give wisdom in family leadership to those who desire to be wise stewards?

7. Will the Lord grant wisdom to those who neither ask for it nor seek it?

8. What happens if a husband does not fulfill his duties before God, but shifts them to his wife, considering himself only the head?

9. Does worldly wisdom have anything to do with oil for the lamp?

10. Is it important for a husband to know who he is in the eyes of Heaven?

11. Should a man know all his duties and have experience as a faithful steward before entering marriage?

12. What if you agree with this lesson, but in your family you see a different picture and cannot change anything?

13. Is it realistic to become such a husband as this lesson describes?

14. Is it important to know God’s will for your family?

15. Do you think family happiness comes by itself, by chance, or can it be built with your own hands?