Love in the Family

The friendship that existed between us before marriage led us to mutual love within that friendship. Realizing that it was right to love each other, we also began to pray about it — that our love would be true and never cease. And understanding that we truly loved each other, we decided to carry such a relationship into our union and develop it on a new, family level. And what did we discover? That we never had enough time to dive even deeper into each other. Even though daily responsibilities sometimes separated us, even under the same roof, we always tried to stay connected.

The newness of family life brought us many discoveries that we never tired of sharing with each other, delighting in how interesting we both were. I considered my wife the best person in the world, and she would always unfairly accuse me of being better than her, refusing to accept any objections. And so the two “best people” spent their days, constantly reassuring one another of the sincerity and depth of their love.

They say that when the working days begin, romance ends — and we kept waiting for that to happen to us, but it never did. After all, how could it, when every morning you receive from God an ocean of His love to share? And your beloved, even before fully waking up, overwhelms you with her declarations of affection and pours out such a waterfall of tender words that you realize the day will pass in joy for both of you. This is not a fairy tale, but the reality we chose in order to build our happiness.

The theoretical knowledge we received in the School of Agape Love helped us to understand the right spirit in our relationship and confirmed us in mutual love. It was so easy to build happiness when you know what it is not, and from what it is truly made.

In one of our rooms there stood a couch with low armrests. Sometimes I would sit on the edge of it, and my wife would perch herself on the armrest, draping her legs across mine and embracing me with one arm. In this position we would converse for long periods. It was very comfortable for us both — it seemed as though she was sitting on my lap, but without pressing on my legs, and I could embrace her at any moment without discomfort.

How joyful it is to converse with your wife at a distance of just 5–20 centimeters, breathing in the fragrance of her presence and hearing the original timbre of her voice, unmuted by distance! I also noticed how warm she was, able to warm me with her body’s heat without overheating me. And, most wonderfully, she found similar things in me — often pressing close and telling me what a wonderful man I was. What more could two close souls need? Well, perhaps one thing: for a union to be complete, it helps to have a little one! But that does not come to everyone at once, and one never knows when.

At times we experienced special blessings from realizing the joy of being one flesh. In that state of heart, it was so meaningful to speak tender words of love to each other.

I noticed that all the love we shared with each other before marriage during our friendship had been romantic, yet cautious. We were afraid to play with our own feelings or with the feelings of the other, and so we always added to our declarations of love the qualifier: “as a friend.” Sometimes it was hard to know where friendship ended and boundaries had to be placed. But our agreement to be honest in describing our feelings restrained us from misusing them.

Now, nothing hindered us from speaking about our emotions, our desires, our expectations, and our longings. We joyfully discussed everything, seeking to understand how to love each other even more deeply — in such a way that both of us would be blessed.

Although love for a friend shares the same roots as love for a spouse and comes from the same Source of life, attachment to one’s wife contains something special — a fullness of feeling and other experiences which, in friendship, must be restrained.

Our love for each other within marriage had no restrictions in its expression and always gave us new opportunities for exploration, testing, and discovery.

I never ceased to marvel at how deep a person God had given me, and how profound were the hidden treasures of her soul that I still had yet to uncover. Oh, that this fountain of blessing would always remain open to me!

I understand that only unconditional love can enter the heart of a wife — a love that awakens a response, breaks down stereotypes, opens rusted locks, and releases deep fountains that nourish both of us.

To love one’s wife is a gift from God, one that can first be conceived in the heart, and then requested from Him for fulfillment and blessing. From observing my beloved, I realized that she can change unpredictably, making it difficult to foresee how she might react next. But God’s agape love, given to me for her, helps me meet everything in the right spirit, giving not necessarily what she asks, but what she truly needs.

I am learning to listen with my heart. It is not always easy, especially when my flesh protests at unexpected challenges. But love helps me make the right decision — to keep loving no matter what.

When I prayed for a wife and thought about what she should be like, my expectations did not match reality. But now, being married, I realize that we can build in each other whatever we desire, if we apply joint effort, share our plans, reveal our thoughts, and love one another.

Loving one’s wife is a whole science, revealed more and more as you study it. I rejoice in this prospect — will I be able to grow in love toward my wife? Like any revelation that requires deeper immersion to see all the beauty of its depths, so too does love for one’s wife contain endless discoveries about her soul and spirit, about her thoughts and feelings, given to you in the form of her stories and experiences.

How different we are! And this very diversity draws us to each other. We gladly put everything aside in order to dive into our shared life and find in it what is of true value.

This is family life: that a husband may know his wife, and a wife may know her husband. And in this knowing of each other, we began to understand the meaning of our marriage. We realized that this process had begun never to end. We are given to one another in order to discover one another — and to allow those discoveries to become a special blessing for our union.

I believe that loving someone you know well is far more interesting than “loving” a voiceless refrigerator that produces nothing but cold, ice, and icicles. Thankfully, we realized this together and made a joint decision to love each other, to know each other in this love, and to discover a new world within our family.

1. Please read John 15:12,17; Ephesians 5:25–29; Colossians 3:19; Romans 12:9–10; Song of Solomon 1:1; 1 Corinthians 16:14; Galatians 5:13; Ephesians 4:2–3,15; 1 Peter 1:22; Amos 3:3; 1 John 3:11,18 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

4. Why are we commanded to love our wives?

5. Do you think a person who loves his family will also show the same love to others?

6. Is it truly possible in our time to have love in families?

7. If husband and wife decide to love each other, agree about it, and begin to make efforts, will something good come from it?

8. Is it really so important to have love in the family? After all, you can’t put it on a plate or wear it as clothing.

9. Is it important in loving each other to know the other person’s “love language” and to speak it?

10. Should we continue making discoveries about each other even within marriage?

11. Can love grow within family life?

12. What benefits does love bring into the family?

13. Do you know families where husband and wife truly love each other?

14. Does life success depend on family relationships?

15. Could it be that love in the family might make me defenseless in the world, an easy target for the enemy of souls?