Let the Marriage Bed Be Undefiled

The more my wife and I got to know each other, the more we fell in love with one another. How joyful it is to love each other within the framework of our family and to constantly come up with something new and interesting so that both of us feel good. We found it very exciting to agree on everything, to test all things, and to hold fast to what is good.

Having studied the laws of abstinence and accepted them with all our hearts, we noticed that there are certain aspects of intimate relations that are not entirely clear, and so many questions arise to which we could not give each other answers. We decided once again to turn to believing specialists in this field and listen to their recommendations. We understood that if our brethren did not explain to us certain details of the rules of intimate life, then the world would teach us its rules, which could destroy us or make us sick people.

Here is the useful counsel we learned:

— Any lustful thoughts about sexual relations with another person, and the act itself, are sins that destroy the life and health of the family. They bring not only tragedy into the marital union but also all sorts of venereal diseases.

— Pornography must have no place in the home in any form.

— In intimate relations between husband and wife, there must be mutual respect and absolute freedom of choice. Everything must be voluntary and happen by mutual desire and agreement. It is necessary to ask whether your partner allows you to do or receive what you desire. Any form of violence defiles the relationship and inflicts deep emotional wounds.

— One should take a shower or wash before planning intimacy. This must also be done afterward.

— In a woman’s physiology, there are certain days when blood cleansing occurs. During this period, it is necessary to abstain from all intimacy, while remaining tender and loving spouses. After the end of these days, according to the Bible, it is necessary to wait another seven days, and only then may one plan intimate life (Lev. 15:28).

This matter is so important and serious in God’s eyes that He Himself declared that violators of this prohibition are subject to death. We read in Ezek. 18:4-9: *“Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine; the soul who sins shall die. If a man is righteous … he does not defile his neighbor’s wife or approach a woman during her impurity … he shall surely live …”*

And the use of artificial means of protection during these days is deception and an attempt to lawfully break God’s command.

If the husband does not understand this prohibition, then the wife must stand for the happiness of her family and firmly refuse any intimacy.

— Clean clothing and bedding are to be maintained at all times. Hygiene products (wipes or towels) should be prepared in advance so that any discharge does not soil clothing or bedding. If it does, those items must be changed immediately and washed. Ignorance in this matter defiles you and your bed.

— If you decide to use contraceptives, it is necessary to study their side effects and ask God for wisdom in their use.

— All your intimate relations must be hidden from others’ eyes and must never be recorded on photo or video, even for your personal viewing. Nor should anything take place in public or where outsiders might become accidental witnesses of your intimacy.

— You must know that sexual organs have a special microflora which, receiving positive stress from the first intimacy, adapts to a new partner and thereafter accepts him as the norm of life. This microflora contains many fungal elements that naturally live in this environment and are not dangerous if cleanliness is observed. If these enter the oral cavity, however, various inflammations or irreversible diseases can develop. When it comes to oral sex, one should think of all possible consequences. Do not risk your health just to give someone fleeting pleasure.

— A woman’s body is not designed for anal sex. The anal and rectal tissues of the large intestine are very delicate and are easily damaged by rough contact, causing inflammation and infection. Constant practice of such actions relaxes the anus muscles naturally, which can lead to serious problems in that area of the body.

— Both spouses need to study each other’s temperament and physical constitution in order to understand how much time each one needs to help the other reach satisfaction.

— Do not injure your own body or your partner’s body in the pursuit of special or exotic pleasure.

— Do not resolve family conflicts through intimacy. Intimacy should be a celebration and an expression of gratitude for love and respect, not a battlefield for licking wounds.

— The stimulation of one partner’s sexual organs for the purpose of giving them one-sided pleasure, or to satisfy a whim, destroys respect and something sacred and intimate in the relationship. Likewise, secret self-gratification (masturbation) defiles and destroys the body and health.

— When using public toilets or showers, ensure that physical contact with surfaces or towels does not become a carrier of infection into your body. It is best to use personal hygiene items.

— If in your practice there has been anything mentioned above, and you realize your ignorance or mistakes, knowing that your bed is defiled, God will accept your repentance if you bring all your sins to Him with a pure heart.

— Women must remember that the laws of your country protect your life and body from violence and will take effect if you ask the appropriate authorities for protection and intervention.

— Intimacy must not be routine or an obligation, but joy—a way of expressing gratitude for the love and care of one another.

— Let all you do be done in love.

The purity of the marriage bed and mutual respect lay the foundation for long-term happiness. This is not just “rules for today” but a strategy for all of married life. It is not only the absence of sin but also the fullness of God’s blessing.

We were very grateful to our spiritual mentors and to God for timely warnings and counsel, and we decided to discuss each point at our extraordinary family council so that these principles would become part of our consciousness, not just a set of written prohibitions. In all these instructions we saw God’s love and care for our family happiness, which can be so fragile and vulnerable because of our ignorance. We understood that the enemy of souls seeks to use our natural attraction to each other to destroy us through our lack of knowledge. Although this sphere of family life is hidden from others’ eyes, it is worth understanding and studying so that we do not defile our bed or become sinners in God’s sight.

We realized that even in these delicate matters, everything can be agreed upon in advance, and by knowing God’s will we can remain pure and undefiled. In the gift of abstinence we also saw how precious and desirable our meetings become when we subject our passions to the control of reason and will.

God cooperates with us in our decisions and gives us strength and the spirit of self-control where man is weak or powerless.

All advice and rules must not turn into a dry code of prohibitions but should flow from love for one another. *“Love does not seek its own”* (1 Cor. 13:5)—this means that each spouse thinks not of their own pleasure, but of their partner’s happiness. A pure bed is not a heavy burden of prohibitions but a source of joy, health, and spiritual unity. If husband and wife keep this sphere holy, God blesses their marriage with many years of trust and love.

1. Please read Heb. 13:4; Rom. 13:13-14; Gal. 5:22-24; Lev. 15:16-28,31; Ezek. 18:4-9; Lev. 20:18; Ex. 19:14-15; 20:14; Matt. 5:28; 1 Tim. 5:6; 2 Tim. 3:1-7; Rev. 21:27; 22:11 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

4. When reading the regulations for ancient Israel, should we keep in mind that they had no hygiene products, underwear, washing machines, or showers in every tent?

5. Does the Lord desire to see His children’s families happy?

6. Did this lesson limit you in anything beautiful or shed light on what could make your marriage unhappy?

7. Should all desires be kept under the control of reason, and should you take into account your spouse’s will?

8. If we do not receive helpful information about such questions from fellow believers, will the world offer us something else?

9. Do you think the world puts lust first and pushes purity and holiness into the shadows?

10. Will a person striving for holiness listen to the counsel given in this lesson?

11. Should a wife fight for the happiness of her family, for her purity and holiness, if her husband has another understanding and insists on his way?

12. Does Heaven observe what and how things happen in our families?

13. Am I accountable to God for the strength entrusted to me?

14. Will the Lord endlessly give health to those who place it on the altar of their passions?

15. Do you think Jesus reads our lessons? If so, does He approve of what we study in them?