New Relatives

When choosing a friend for life as my wife, I understood that she would bring with her into our relationship a whole train of her close and distant relatives, through whom our life would be filled with new experiences and responsibilities. And on my side, there would also be an addition to this team of relatives of different ages and views. I have a sister, and my wife has a brother. And if we take into account that my father has three sisters who have their own families and children, and my mother has four sisters and three brothers who also are not childless, then there is a wonderful perspective of interesting acquaintances and entertaining time together. On my wife’s side, the picture looks more modest, but still attractive.

Relatives are not chosen, and relatives can be of all kinds. When I chose a friend to be my wife and my partner for the rest of my life, I did not invite anyone else into our relationship, but I understood that our relatives are bound to us by blood ties, which we cannot escape. And time would show whether they would accept us as one whole or try to divide us. I decided to love everyone and show unconditional respect and honor to all new relatives.

I divided my relatives into several groups: those who live nearby and have been in contact with me since early childhood, those who live far away but maintain relationships with me, and those with whom we do not interact. Though all of them are my relatives, in spirit, of course, the closest will always be those people with whom I communicate the most. And from my sister and my parents there is simply no getting away, nor do I plan to.

In my circle of relatives, there was not a single person of the same faith as me, and my wife had a similar picture, but we decided to love everyone, even those with whom we had no relationship since childhood.

At our wedding, everyone who could come did, and by their behavior it was clear that they wanted very much to get to know their new relatives better — and we were not against it. We decided to be God’s witnesses in any society in which we might find ourselves.

And then the time came when my dear and close relatives came to visit us with their children. In our culture, it is customary to feed guests, and therefore my wife disappeared into the kitchen, taking my cousin as her helper. They cheerfully chattered about their concerns, while I took a place on the couch with soft armrests and easily conversed with the other guests, waiting for a delicious meal. I wanted to talk about the plan of salvation, about the great hope, and about everything I have in Jesus, and I seized every opportunity to express all this. The children looked for something to do nearby their father and listened attentively to our conversation. When the table was set and everyone was invited to sit, my sister’s husband solemnly took out bottles of fine wine and vodka from his bag and placed them in the center of the table, asking for glasses. My wife looked tensely at me. I was prepared for such situations and quickly intervened, asking politely to put those things back in the bag, since in our home at our table it is not customary to drink alcohol. I was not rude, but spoke very politely and with a smile, but from the guests’ faces it was clear that they were displeased with such an attitude toward their gifts. Yet I remained firm. Tense silence reigned, into which I inserted a suggestion to pray for the prepared food, explaining that this was the custom in our home. My wife and I folded our hands in gratitude and prayed while sitting. The guests listened with interest to my thanksgiving for the bread, for our dear guests, and for blessing upon our fellowship. After the solemn “amen,” we began to partake of the food.

Our friendly spirit soon dispelled all tension, and we easily engaged in conversations on topics that interested our guests.

When the guests left, I helped my wife clear the table, and we cheerfully discussed this new event in our family, trying to understand how to behave at the next visits, what was right, and what was not. It was decided that we would warn all guests in advance that in our home alcohol is not consumed, and we live a healthy lifestyle, therefore we do not use alcohol in any form.

Some time later, my wife’s relatives invited us to their home for a birthday celebration. We decided that a spiritual book would be the best gift. After praying, we chose what our hearts suggested, beautifully wrapped our gift, and went visiting. We also prayed for wisdom and protection for the upcoming event.

Upon entering the unfamiliar home, we realized that a completely different spirit lived there. Loud music confidently beat the rhythm and set the mood for everyone present. Jokes and bursts of laughter came from all directions. We were received as family, and after taking the gift, they invited us to the table. Friends of our relatives looked us over with curiosity and shared their greetings. We immediately evaluated the contents of the table and realized that we would attract attention when the meal began. Some guests had already started eating without waiting for others. My wife kept glancing at me, as if apologizing for her relatives. And I smiled and prayed silently that the Lord would grant wisdom on how to behave.

Finally, everyone sat down, and the celebrant raised a glass of champagne and made a short toast for his prosperity and health. The guests clinked glasses, while we sat still, observing what was happening. Everyone was surprised that we did not participate in their celebration and silently asked with their eyes: “What is the matter?” And we were wondering what to put on our plates, since we saw that there was unclean food on the table. As a result, we became the center of everyone’s attention, and I decided to use this to our advantage.

I admitted to everyone that I was a new person in this society, but that I had a wonderful wife whom they all knew. And I began, under the sound of knives and forks, to tell everyone how wonderful a person she was and what qualities of soul I had managed to discover in her during the short time of our life together. And the more I praised my other half, the more I realized how truly wonderful she was. The women guests listened to me with admiration and a touch of sadness, inwardly wishing to hear something similar about themselves. Then I was politely interrupted and offered the next toast. This time, stronger drinks appeared in the glasses, and I understood that things would become even more interesting. I announced to everyone that we were non-drinkers because God forbids it, and I asked those gathered to accept us as we were, to which they agreed and continued their celebration.

My wife and I found salad and bread for ourselves, and after a quiet prayer, we modestly partook of this food, watching the development of events. After some time, when we noticed that the guests were beginning to lose their reason, we decided to leave the gathering. We quietly stood up, called the birthday celebrant into the kitchen, and explained that we urgently needed to leave.

We wanted to discuss further visits to such events and decided not to attend gatherings where alcohol would be consumed, and in our own home not to host such banquets.

I understood that we had many relatives, and there would be many trials, so I preferred to prepare for them in advance. Having secured each other’s support, we laid all our concerns upon Jesus and continued to build our happiness in our family.

1. Please read Ps. 1:1-3; Prov. 23:29-33; 27:10; Luke 21:15-17; Amos 3:3; Micah 7:6; Matt. 10:32-38; 1 Cor. 15:33; Mark 6:4 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. Can your relatives influence your marital happiness?

5. Should you understand that not all your relatives will inherit the Eternal Kingdom?

6. Can evil associations corrupt your morals?

7. Is it right to come into another person’s home with your own customs and rules?

8. What is the difference between relatives and believing brethren?

9. How should you behave when visiting relatives where worldly entertainments are offered?

10. Is it permissible in your own home to establish your own rules of conduct for all guests?

11. What is the meaning of Christ’s words that we should love Him more than our relatives?

12. How should we understand the words of Jesus in Matt. 12:47-50?

13. What should you do if your relatives pull you toward the world, and it is difficult for you to refuse them?

14. If I have relatives who do not believe as I do, should I separate myself from them?

15. How can one witness to God among one’s relatives?