Knowing One Another in the Family

My wife and I defined for ourselves the common goal of our marital union, which we decided to achieve with all our strength. The purpose of the creation and existence of our family is the knowledge of one another. We did not come up with this ourselves, but when, during our training at the Agape Love School, this was revealed to us, everything immediately fell into place. And the more I pondered this topic, the better I understood the importance of achieving precisely this endless goal. If families were created for a short time for the sake of building a house, bearing and raising children, or planting trees, then the meaning of the family would be lost once these tasks were completed. But when I plan to build my union forever, I need to have the firmest foundation and eternal goals, which are achieved not only in this life, but extend into all Eternity.

We managed to discuss such tasks even before the wedding, and after our marriage we set about jointly achieving the intended goal. It turned out not to be so difficult. To understand what knowing one another is, we decided first to understand what it is not. If I begin to build something out of hay, thinking that this material is quite cozy and warm, will I build anything? Such a structure may not withstand simple tests and collapse or quickly burn down.

— Living together in one house.

— Our joint purchases.

— Our intimate time together for the sake of obtaining what we desire.

— Housework and chores.

— Conscientious fulfillment of our family and social duties.

— Our conversations about nothing.

— Our attendance at worship services and participation in missionary projects.

— Our joint prayers.

— Earning money for the good of the family.

— Visiting guests together and receiving guests.

— Bearing and raising children.

— Preparing and eating tasty and healthy food.

— Our travels and outings in nature.

And much else from the list of similar things.

Although, engaging in these activities and having fellowship at that time, we get to know each other better and have much in common and joyful, all this still cannot serve as knowing one’s other half.

A very important, foundational truth was revealed to us: we know one another only when we begin to study one another in fellowship, when we speak with interest about me, about her, and about both of us. And something amazing happens between us that unites us into one whole. Our union gives us the right to such behavior and allows us to touch the most intimate sides of our souls, where no other people are admitted. Everything else is a consequence of our knowledge of one another and takes on a spiritual coloring depending on the spirit with which we open our hearts and which spirit we bring into them.

My wife becomes so much mine that I take her with me into all my plans, into purchases, into work, and into other undertakings. She does not leave me anywhere alone, because she has become my part. And I know that I am everywhere with her, whatever she may be doing.

In our selfish nature, we do not have unconditional love for each other, but we ask for it and “buy” it from God to immediately give it away. In the light of this Love, our relationships in everything acquire the most correct motive, and it no longer matters what we do; what matters is how much love we invest in knowing one another. And Love works wonders in our fellowship.

It is so interesting to speak and to listen, to look into the heart and be imbued with new knowledge! And intimate closeness brings into our study of one another special, inexplicable revelations that are understood only by the two of us. It brings us so close in the joy of our relationship that we want to thank God for one another and for such a wonderful plan called “family.”

We decided to discuss one another in turn or as inspired. It is not our custom to ferret out faults in the interlocutor. Although we are imperfect people, we have a vast potential of soul riches that must be discovered and studied.

In our knowing, I agreed with my other half not to flatter each other and not to invent what is not there. For example, if I describe something new that has been revealed to me in her, then I must explain in detail what it is expressed in and how it manifests itself. For example, I noticed that she is patient and told her about it. Then I point to moments from my observations of her when she displayed this character trait, how she behaved. She, perhaps, had not even thought about it, but thanks to my testimony she understood that it was so and agreed that she is like that. And thus, in many respects we discover in each other unique features, so that later we may be confirmed in them and then consciously develop.

When my wife tells me that I am kind, explaining how it manifests itself, then I try to develop this character trait, attempting to understand to what extent it can be governed.

I rejoice that I can discover in my beloved qualities that will adorn her even more in my eyes, and I always hasten to tell her about my discoveries. And she gladly listens to me and is sometimes surprised at what the Lord is making of her. It is so interesting for her to study herself by my lips that she immediately drops everything and listens to my every word, fearing to miss something important.

We decided to write down all our discoveries about ourselves and not be afraid to repeat what we have already discovered.

I am not in the least wearied by words about how wonderful a husband I am. I am ready to listen to this from morning till evening throughout my whole life. And I never get tired of it. And I have noticed that it is also always pleasant for my beloved to hear that she is the best, the beloved, and the most wonderful wife in the world. We even have some family expressions that we constantly beg for and wait from one another, so that we may rejoice with all our hearts. And words of love are like food for the heart, with which we feed each other constantly, regardless of the weather, the dollar exchange rate, and the political situation in the world.

Our family councils have turned into a detailed discussion of the beautiful facets of our family life and reflection on how to make one another happy.

We definitely invite God into our fellowship, for it is He Who gives us the opportunity to live for one another, to love unconditionally, to think about happiness, and to share everything that we have.

We did not invent the science of knowing one’s spouse in such a way, but took it from our personal experiences of fellowship with God and applied its foundations to each other. Understanding what God expects from me, I can understand the expectations of a believing spouse. And understanding and seeing our expectations in love for one another, we begin to better realize all that God desires from us.

In our knowledge of one another, a much greater plan of God regarding the family and family relationships is revealed to us. After all, the whole Universe is built on the model of a family. And through our love and knowledge we visibly show to the visible and invisible world how deep God’s plans are concerning humanity, and how in this Love God’s Character is revealed.

God does not plan to separate us from Himself and leave us alone, but wishes to be glorified in our relationships and to visibly show how great He is in our knowledge of one another, and how endless this path of family happiness is.

1. Please read Eccl. 3:11–14; John 17:21–26; 1 John 1:7; 4:7–8; Rom. 12:9–10; 15:13–14; 1 Cor. 1:4–8; 13:12; 2 Cor. 10:4–6; Eph. 5:15–33; Phil. 1:9–11 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. Is it difficult to know one another?

5. What constitutes the knowledge of one another?

6. What happens to the hearts of those who open themselves to one another?

7. Do you want to open your heart and learn from another person how beautiful it is?

8. Is it possible in our time to have such knowledge of one another?

9. What should be done if such knowledge is impossible in my family?

10. Does the Lord desire that, as we know one another, we also not forget to know Him by the very same rules?

11. If the knowledge of one another is impossible in the family, can it be had in the church?

12. Do you understand the depth and importance of this lesson? If so, share your revelations.

13. Is it worth understanding what knowledge is not, and not building one’s close relationships on that?

14. Do you believe that if the knowledge of one another is right and deep, then all deeds will proceed from these relationships in the right spirit?

15. Will God teach and bless those families that desire to have the knowledge of one another and begin to practice it?