Shall We Stay Friends?

Before our wedding my wife and I agreed that we would remain friends under any circumstances, even if we did not manage to form a family. And if we became husband and wife, we would bring our friendship into our family relationship and develop it further, not quenching this beautiful spirit of friendliness, but giving it at all times.

Fortunately, we still managed to get married, and we noticed that being friends in the family is quite interesting. The only difference was that we had a special physical contact, in which new sensations and experiences were revealed that had previously been impossible even to imagine.

We rejoiced so much that we had each other, and that our friendship was growing stronger with each day. And some dear brethren watched us with sadness and warned us that soon this would pass, and we would plunge into the routine of everyday cares, where there would simply be no place for friendship, and our innate selfishness would finally destroy all our romance, and we would plunge into a reality that would not be as rosy as we saw it.

It was always amusing for us to listen to such words, but somewhere deep in our hearts everything resisted the idea that this could come, for then our life would be completely different and incomprehensible.

Involuntarily we looked closely at other families and saw that all of them were not like ours. And when we got acquainted with members of those families and tried to find out how they loved one another and how their friendship was formed, they listened to our questions with surprise and did not understand what we meant.

But we very much wanted to understand whether true friendship would preserve its beauty and freshness over many years. Studying this question and taking the path of love, happiness, and friendship, we understood that we were dealing with eternal values, for which time is not an obstacle; rather, on the contrary, it cleanses and polishes to Heavenly brilliance what GOD has conceived and given to us.

Every time we sat down opposite each other to discuss our love and friendship, we were convinced that we had this and that it was growing stronger each day, turning into an unshakable principle conditioned by our choice to relate to each other in precisely this way. And the very spirit of friendliness filled our relationship so deeply with natural happiness that it would have been very foolish to refuse this blessing for the sake of conforming to the world.

Everywhere we were present, new acquaintances appeared who watched our friendship with genuine interest and tried to understand whether they could have the same attitude in their own families. And we gave seeking souls the hope that in JESUS everything is possible, and there are no obstacles to loving one another from a pure heart and being constant in this matter.

Over time we noticed that our friendly attitude toward one another extended also to our new acquaintances, who were not against our becoming their friends as well. And we did not begrudge taking the water of life from the ocean of GOD’s Love and giving it to others, pointing them to the True Source of happiness, love, and friendship.

There were also people who did not know how to receive GOD’s blessings of love directly and always wanted to use us as their personal source, which at first made us wary, but then we learned to bring them to JESUS and to lay all their cares upon Him.

It is so simple to love your friend when you want this and desire to live this way, no matter what or who! What could be better than when you agree with your friend about mutual love and consciously do everything to live up to that agreement?!

Even during our premarital relationship I understood and appreciated how much joy your words of love—spoken or written to your friend—bring to the heart, as well as his or her similar attitude toward you. One can appreciate the blessed influence of love only by being in a relationship of love toward one another. No theory or other people’s experiences will give you the joy contained in the love of friend for friend.

Our family friendship did not hinder us from doing everyday tasks and routine duties; rather, on the contrary, it helped us in all this routine to see the end result—when all this would be finished and we would unite with our friend again in order once more to assure ourselves that we love one another and are ready to continue living in this state, building our relationship precisely on this foundation.

We also understood that our mutual friendliness has its origin in personal relationships with JESUS. It is He Who is the firm Foundation of what we are building for ourselves. And we are building happiness. It is impossible without a joint decision to love one another and to be friendly at all times.

Also, observing how one can treat each other respectfully without losing the joy of love, we understood how JESUS has fellowship with each of us. We have a living Heavenly Friend Who teaches us to commune personally with Himself, and then to bring this experience into our earthly relationships. Likewise, seeing vividly how wonderfully our friendship takes shape, we took from it certain examples in order to practice them in our relationship with CHRIST or to understand how these relationships can be improved or diversified.

Our very decision to be friends very often helped us find the right way out of many contentious issues and unpleasant situations. When we reached a dead end in our relationship and understood that we understood nothing, then the question from one of us, “Shall we stay friends?” showed us the best solution to all problems and helped to reduce everything to love and friendship. And it was precisely love that covered many things that could not be resolved otherwise.

We had previously lived in different families with different ways of life, but in our family we agreed to build our way of life based on love and friendship.

We became accustomed to constantly learning love, begging it from JESUS for our relationship, and we liked to listen to others’ experiences to understand what we could take from them into our life. Even if someone shared with us what a family should not be like, we took note of that as well and thanked GOD for a timely warning.

When a conflict was brewing in our relationship because of some trifles, then the proposal “let’s be friends” quickly quenched the warlike spirit.

Our agreement to love one another sobered us when this world tried to intoxicate us with its wine of fornication. We long ago understood that discussing our love for one another is much more interesting and useful than pondering politics or delving into the global problems of world order.

We are no different from ordinary people, and when we are silent it is difficult to understand from us whether we love one another and whether we are close friends. But our words give us away completely when we begin to communicate. We noticed that we speak to each other in a special dialect of love, which is not accepted in many families, but is understandable to everyone with whom we communicate. Although we also sometimes tell other people about our love for one another, it seems they guess it without our commentary on this matter.

And we remain friends and do not wish to live otherwise.

1. Please read Prov. 17:17; Amos 3:3; Eccl. 4:9–12; Rom. 12:9–10; John 13:34–35; Matt. 5:5, 9; 1 Cor. 13:4–8; Prov. 18:24; 31:10–12, 30; Matt. 5:48; 7:12 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. What is friendship in the family?

5. Are friendly relations something short-term or something eternal?

6. Can husband and wife be friends in marriage? Will such a spirit hinder them in fulfilling family duties?

7. What should those do for whom friendship is only a dream, while a completely different spirit lives in the family?

8. What role does GOD play in our decision to be friends? Does He help us to have such a spirit?

9. If two people in a family agree on mutual friendship, will they succeed in something?

10. Can those who jointly make such a decision to be friends preserve their friendship?

11. Do you think your love for one another will be noticeable to other people?

12. Why did JESUS say that our love for one another would be the truest testimony that we are His disciples?

13. Can our personal example in loving one another influence those close to us?

14. Is it possible to be friends without having agapē for one another?

15. Do you think JESUS will be friends with His Bride?