A Family Quarrel

The house I rented for myself, and later for my family, consisted of two floors and was, as it were, squeezed between two neighboring houses. On the street side there was an entrance and three windows. And on the back side of the house— a wide exit to a small terrace with a small lawn and two windows from the upper rooms.

In warm weather we kept the back door open so we could easily go out into the fresh air and sit at the outdoor table. Along the boundary with the neighbors, high walls had been erected so that we would not see one another, and our property was surrounded by a low fence.

One day a field mouse ran into our house. Apparently, it decided to explore a new space for its further use. My wife was at that moment preparing something in the kitchen, and I was removing weeds from the lawn. Suddenly a loud, piercing shriek from the house interrupted the course of my thoughts, and I decided to find out what was happening. Entering the house, I saw my wife up on the kitchen stove with her feet and trying to say something to me, pointing her finger at the lower cabinet. I understood that we had “uninvited guests,” calmly looked under the kitchen, and saw in the corner a poor little mouse that was perhaps, like my wife, trembling with fear. The sight of these two frightened creatures struck me as very funny, and I voiced the idea of filming all this on camera.

My beloved cried out for help and shouted that I should not fool around but do something to save her. I was amused by her fear and could not hold back my feelings. And she implored me to take action, otherwise she would die of a broken heart.

I took a mop and began driving the mouse out from under the kitchen, and it decided to find a safer corner and started darting about the room, eliciting a shriek from my other half with each change of direction. And, apparently, my wife was already eyeing a refuge for herself on the upper kitchen cabinets. I was having fun with what was happening, but somewhere in my heart I wondered what the neighbors would think, hearing screams from our house.

After a short attempt to catch the mouse, it found an exit from the house and, jumping out into the street, disappeared into the grass.

I felt like a savior and solemnly approached my wife to lift her down from the stove. But she began to reproach me with all her indignation about my foolish humor and to call me callous and indifferent. And I, still under the influence of what had happened, kept smiling, barely restraining myself from laughter.

My beloved fell silent for a moment, and then, jumping to the floor, began accusing my mother, saying that I was just like her and that together with her I did not love my wife. My mirth began to evaporate quickly, and I asked, “What does my mother have to do with this?” In response I heard a tirade of lamentations that I do not rinse the bathtub after myself, leaving hair in it, that I walk around the house in outdoor shoes, that I do not dry the dishes after washing, that I scatter my socks all over the house, that I snore in the middle of the night, that I have an unshaven chin, and that I do many things that tell her I do not love her.

I stood, listened, and did not understand what was happening. I had ironclad arguments for all the accusations, which I tried to insert in my defense, but my wife would not relent and in the end burst into bitter tears, asking to be left alone.

I understood that something was not going according to plan for us and decided to comfort my beloved. She pushed me away in every possible way, but then decided that my T-shirt would be the best place for pouring out her grief, and, pressing herself to me, she cried out all her tears.

Somewhere in my heart I understood that my wife was under stress and could not control herself, and, gently embracing her, I stroked her back. But what I heard addressed to me seriously concerned me, and I decided to sort it out later. Just in case, I began apologizing for my foolish behavior and asking for forgiveness. And she, pressing her face into me, was silent and, quietly sobbing, calmed down.

When the “storm in a teacup” subsided, I suggested we pray, and we knelt to turn to GOD in our situation.

I decided not to bring my questions to the family council that day, but quietly asked, “Shall we stay friends?” I was given an affirmative answer, and we decided to leave everything and go for a walk in nature.

In the following days we avoided the topic of our quarrel in conversation, but when enough time had passed and we returned to our normal mode of love and friendship, at the next family council I decided to discuss what had happened, to understand what it was, and to make some decisions so as not to repeat anything similar.

In that time I managed to speak with my pastor, and he explained to me that what I call a mouse, in the eyes of many women looks like a tank from which they must be rescued instantaneously.

After praying with my wife, we sat down at the negotiating table, and I recalled what had happened, trying to understand what all the other accusations against me had to do with it, if the problem was only the mouse. My beloved began to apologize for everything she had said. But I understood that all this was overflowing her heart and would not leave it just like that. And, possibly, next time I would learn something else interesting about myself.

I suggested we sort out everything that had been said in accusation against me and that I would not be offended by anything, but would try to correct everything within my power.

We peacefully discussed many points of my behavior and found that they were divided into those I could fix and those with which we would have to make peace. For example, I promised that I would rinse the bathtub, not walk around the house in shoes, and put my socks together with my work clothes. But I cannot forbid myself to snore at night, nor can I stop my beard from growing. Also, I cannot control the smell of sweat and the smell from my mouth, but I will watch my hygiene and do everything so that these parts of the body are, as far as possible, clean and fresh.

We also decided that if ever another conflict or quarrel arose, then we would quarrel only within the framework of the pressing problem, without weaving into the situation our relatives, friends, or our behavior in other spheres of life.

If the cause of the strife was my foolishness, then we discuss the foolishness; if I am dissatisfied with how clean the dishes are, then we talk about the dishes without recalling how and who behaves.

I had heard that during women’s days many women may behave out of the ordinary, be very irritable or tired, lose initiative, or fall into apathy. I expressed my opinion that if my wife would feel something like that, then I would turn a blind eye to it and not pay attention to her behavior and not aggravate the tension. She is very dear to me, and I do not want the enemy to use our human or hormonal ailments to make us quarrel. To this my wife promised me that she would try to keep herself in hand or warn me that something was not right with her.

I also made the decision that I would not invite all my problems at work and outside the home into the family so as not to spoil everyone’s mood, but would give everything to GOD in prayer, and bring joy, love, friendship, and happiness into the home.

Our council passed in a friendly spirit, and we asked GOD to establish us in love and understanding and to help us reduce everything to peaceful resolution.

We also decided not to share with others what happens in our family, but to settle all problems within the bounds of our home.

1. Please read Matt. 5:9; Rom. 12:9–10; Prov. 3:30; 15:1; 17:14, 17, 19; 18:6, 19; 20:3; 26:21; 28:25; 29:22; 30:33; Rom. 13:13–14; 2 Tim. 2:23–24; 1 Cor. 1:19 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. What is a quarrel?

5. Why do quarrels occur?

6. Is it worth bringing into a quarrel the entire history of your former grievances or misunderstandings? Prov. 17:9.

7. Can quarrels reveal serious problems in relationships?

8. Are quarrels a blessing?

9. What should be done so that there are no strifes in the family?

10. Has anyone ever taken offense at you for your love and care?

11. Will an evil spirit behave calmly with loving and peaceable people?

12. Is a spontaneous quarrel an indicator that you do not know GOD?

13. What should you do if someone has quarreled with you and your opponent is deeply offended at you?

14. Are both people always to blame in a quarrel?

15. What should be done so that there are no quarrels in the family?