Jealousy

My wife and I trusted each other, and this was expressed in the fact that each of us, within the framework of the family, could choose their life path that was most according to the heart. We did not hinder each other in communicating with other people and did not control how that communication took place.

One day something strange happened to me. And heavy experiences entered my life because of it. A brother began attending our congregation who had once had designs on my wife when she was single and had even offered her his hand and heart. But I turned out to be better, and he received a polite refusal. At the time, this story brought me joy—after all, she chose me. I did not take an interest in that brother’s life but concentrated all my attention on the one who had conquered my heart. But now, when the hormones had calmed down, I began to notice that my wife became very creative and joyful when that brother appeared nearby. Although she always kept her distance and allowed no one any familiarity or flirting, either before marriage or after it, I somehow began to see in this brother a rival who, as it seemed to me, could take my other half from me. And this man was very tactful and friendly, giving me no reason for jealousy, yet remaining cheerful, fellowshipping with all the brethren and with my wife.

Every time he appeared within our field of vision, I immediately began to watch my wife’s reaction, and she naturally rejoiced over him as a brother and friend and did not hide this joy from me.

I did not understand what was happening in my heart, but at first it began to disturb me, and then to anger me. I restrained my feelings for a long time, but one fine day, when my wife was overly emotional, I could not stand it and sarcastically expressed my opinion that she should not look at that brother that way, because I did not like it. After these words strange things began to happen in my heart. Some new and incomprehensible emotions rushed to my mind, arousing in me a spirit of indignation and trying to throw me off spiritual balance. I became wary, because I understood that this was not like love and had a different nature; but the very memory of my wife’s joy toward that brother upset me more and more. And when at the family council she asked me to explain my nitpicking, I simply exploded, accusing her of terrible sins which, it seems, she did not even have in her thoughts.

Something arose between us, and an evil spirit suggested to me that my wife belongs to me and that no one but me has the right to her warmth and friendliness. All her assurances of love for me did not calm me in the least. And although I understood that I loved this person and at times calmed down, just one thought about that brother and how my wife smiled kindly at him drove me out of my wits.

I noticed that I was becoming unreasonable in my jealousy, and that it was gradually spreading to all other brothers, and even some sisters no longer pleased me, since they distracted my wife’s attention from me. Although I tried to restrain myself and conceal my feelings, my wife saw and understood everything.

Our relationship began to cool, and the family councils boiled down to my claims that one must not trade the family for some men and spend so much time with girlfriends.

I began to notice that because of my claims my wife did not become closer to me, but looked for any activity just so as not to stir up that strange spirit in me. And I myself understood that something was wrong, yet I could do nothing about it.

One day, when my wife was in the bathroom, I took her phone to understand with whom and about what she was communicating. I carefully reread all her correspondence with the brothers, but it was businesslike communication, while I so wanted to find evidence. At that moment something touched my heart and I asked myself: “Friend, what is happening to you? You were not like this.” I set the phone aside and thought: “Where have I come to, and where am I going?” These thoughts tugged at my mind. Suddenly I realized that I was losing love and did not have it in my empty jealousy, and that by my own strength I could not correct anything.

I decided to speak with the pastor. Setting up a meeting, I told my whole story without hiding anything. And he listened attentively to me and then explained that I had entered forbidden territory and violated my wife’s freedom without any cause. Her fidelity is based not on my demands but on fidelity to GOD, and she belongs to her Savior as one redeemed by Him from the power of sin. Although family places us within strict bounds, we must not become each other’s conscience, and in CHRIST we have freedom, being dependent on GOD’s Grace; and such jealousy is one of the varieties of pride.

Also, the pastor, realizing what was happening with me, let me understand that this sin would destroy me and our family if I did not repent and receive deliverance from above. The only justification for jealousy can be a spouse’s infidelity—but those are completely different experiences.

I understood that the enemy had seized me and desired to ruin me and destroy my family. And the pastor taught me that I myself must resolve this matter with JESUS and pray until the Lord sets me free.

I set myself for victory in this matter, although pride kept me from understanding my true pitiful state. We prayed with the pastor, but nothing changed. And I did not know what should happen. But I decided to go to the end in this struggle, because I understood that an evil spirit was depriving me of love and bringing no joy into fellowship. I also noticed that my wife began to retire for prayer more often, and her cheerfulness in our relationship was unnatural.

One evening I decided to pray for myself and my family until I received an answer. I told my wife about my plans and, retiring, began to ask GOD for deliverance. The longer I prayed, the more I wanted to sleep, but I became ever more resolute, and my prayer ever more humble. Then I came to the realization that I had nothing good in myself, and if the Lord would not set me free, I did not know to whom to go with my need. I began to ask for tears, and they came. It was so joyful to acknowledge myself as nothing and GOD as great. Morning came, and I continued to pray and told the Lord that I would not let Him go until He blessed. Day came, and I kept asking and asking, confessing my sins, to cleanse my evil heart and remove all iniquity. I believed that the Lord hears and answers.

Toward evening something happened in my head, and it became so easy and joyful. I understood that JESUS had set me free. I remembered that brother and was so glad that he exists. With enthusiasm I ran to tell my wife about it and found her in prayer and tears. I knelt beside her and, apologizing, told her about what I had experienced. She embraced me and said that she forgives and loves me.

I was so ashamed of my behavior and so glad for the deliverance. And then I invited that brother to our home and deliberately left him to converse alone with my wife and stepped out briefly on some errands. I wanted to test myself, and I was convinced that I was completely free from all evil. Returning home, I found our guest peacefully conversing with my wife and joined the conversation. My love was with me again, and everyone saw it.

1. Please read 1 Cor. 13:4; Ps. 36:1–11; Prov. 6:32–35; 24:1; 27:4; Num. 5:29–31; 11:26–29; James 4:4–7; Eccl. 9:5–10; Acts 17:4–5; Gal. 4:16–18; Phil. 3:6–7 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. What kinds of jealousy described in the Bible do you know? Is it important to understand these kinds and distinguish between them?

5. Why in one case is jealousy a manifestation of pride, and in another case it is the Name of GOD? Deut. 4:24; Exod. 34:14.

6. Is it right to consider your other half your property and to limit their freedom of communication?

7. Does freedom in JESUS allow permissiveness in sin?

8. What does a person experience who is being jealously watched regarding everyone they meet?

9. What is the difference between faithfulness from fear and faithfulness from love?

10. Can a person by his own strength get rid of a jealous spirit?

11. Will someone else’s jealousy make a person happy?

12. Are jealous people happy by nature?

13. What should I do if I see in myself jealousy without cause?

14. Why are jealous people killers of love and friendship?

15. How can one understand that I am not a jealous person?