I Am a Bad Wife!

My family greatly rejoiced my heart, and with each passing day I became more and more convinced that joining my life to the most wonderful person in the world had been the very best decision.

When I shared my joy with my parents, my mother always asked what my wife was doing, what she occupied herself with, whether she planned to work, and what contribution she was making to our family budget. At first these questions seemed informative to me, and, answering them, I did not think about their hidden meaning, believing that I could tell my parents everything so they would rejoice in my happiness together with me.

Whenever my mother crossed paths with my wife, she always tried to find out what she had done and what she had been busy with, and my wife always answered in the simplicity of her heart, sharing the joys of our family life.

Some of my friends also asked me similar questions, trying to understand what benefit my other half brought me. And I told them how I loved her and how she gladdened my heart. They could not understand my feelings and reduced our conversations to the idea that a wife should think about the well-being of the family and make her contribution to this enterprise, and not lead a consumer lifestyle and sit on her husband’s neck.

At first I joked away such statements and explained that this was our family and we would sort it out ourselves, but this spirit among friends was relentless, and this conviction exerted the corresponding influence on me.

One friend told me how his mother worked three jobs to feed the family, and another boasted that his mother, even after retiring, continued to labor.

My wife and I had discussed our work life even before the wedding, and I assured her that I would care for her even if she could not work or would be at home with children. I did not know what that would look like in practice, but I believed that the LORD would provide for this as well. I was not looking for a horse that had to be able to plow, but neither was I against it if my wife found a job to her liking.

The influence of my relatives and friends affected our relationship. When I came home from work, I started occasionally asking my wife what she had done; but most often she herself gladly told all the household events and the good that had happened in her life.

Her positive outlook and unfading optimism in everything always rejoiced me.

When my mother came to visit us, the first thing she was interested in was what my wife was doing. But, knowing that I would stand up for my beloved, she did not give us any instructions, although with her questions she sometimes disconcerted us. I had to explain to my wife that my mother had lived a different life, had gone through various difficulties, and had her own view of family order.

But over time I myself began to take an interest in how my wife spent her time while I labored by the sweat of my brow. Sometimes I tried to clarify which tasks took her a lot of time, and I rejoiced when she did something quickly. It was incomprehensible to me how one could cook in the kitchen all day what I ate in half an hour. I tried to compare the home kitchen with a snack bar and wondered why my wife always needed more time to prepare something similar. And if I saw yesterday’s dish served on the table, I involuntarily asked what my wife had been doing that day.

My wife proved insightful, and when she realized she was being controlled, she decided to be the first to tell of all her affairs and accomplishments. And I reported to my mother how wonderful everything was in our family. My mother casually inquired whether my wife was going to work to remove part of the burden from me, explaining that I would very quickly break down if I pulled this strap alone. I decided that my mother had more worldly wisdom and raised this issue at a family council. My wife immediately understood which way the wind was blowing and assured me that she would look for a job, about which I gladly informed my parents and friends.

By a certain inner sense I began to notice that a strange tension had appeared in our home, and for the sake of peace my wife constantly apologized for something and justified herself for not managing to do something or for buying the wrong thing.

Once she was so sad that she bought expensive cucumbers to feed me, though the very same could be bought much cheaper in another store. And her daily reports on the work done became more and more joyless and sad.

My wife tried to find interesting work, but either they paid little there, or they asked her to work on Sabbaths, and she had to refuse. With sadness she apologized for having found nothing at all. And I began to think about what, in fact, was happening in our family. Where had the happiness and joyful spirit gone? Did we really unite in order to work somewhere together? It was hard for me to sort it out until one evening I found my wife crying. To my question, “What happened?” she answered that she was a very bad wife, and she no longer had the strength to be good and to please everyone. She said that her home life had turned into hard labor where she had to do and do, constantly reporting to everyone. And after these words she burst into even stronger tears, only repeating that she was a bad wife.

I was at a loss. Before my eyes quickly flashed all my mother’s counsels, my friends’ opinions, my own questions, and I saw that my family was collapsing for reasons unclear. Something had to be done quickly, and I was silent, trying to understand the root cause. I had allowed the enemy to convince me of that with which I had originally disagreed, coming under the influence of someone else’s opinion. I did not want to continue in such a spirit and lose our family happiness because of it.

The first thing I understood was that I had become the cause of this grief, not realizing what spirit I was bringing into my home. The beauty of our relationship before I began to demand anything, and what we had come to, was opened to me. All the money in the world was not worth the happiness we had in love for each other. I embraced my wife and carefully began to apologize. And the more I spoke, the more I understood how much I had managed to ruin in recent times. My apologies brought me to the point where I myself wanted to weep over my weak character. My wife accepted my apologies and, pressing herself to me, quietly sobbed, trying to calm down. And I assured her that I would no longer allow anyone to intrude into our relationship and tell us how to live rightly. After that I began to convince my wife that she is the most wonderful wife and that she does not need to prove it, does not need to try to do something to report to someone. And I permit her not to work for the sake of working, but to decide for herself how to approach this question.

The wounds did not heal so quickly. It took many more days to restore our former relationship. I politely explained to friends not to intrude into our life, and gently forbade my mother to ask such questions, explaining that we would figure everything out ourselves.

Peace and happiness returned to our life, and thereafter we protected our home from similar attacks.

1. Please read Eph. 5:25; Prov. 16:28; 19:14; 26:20; 31:10–31; 1 Cor. 7:32–33; Eph. 5:28–33; Mark 9:6–9; Eccl. 8:11; 1 Tim. 2:9–10 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. Have you experienced anything described in the lesson?

5. What if, in your family, deeds are demanded of you which you already do from the heart?

6. Can controlling a person destroy friendly relations?

7. Must a wife necessarily earn something for the good of the family?

8. Can the cultural features of your locality influence relations in your family?

9. How should one deal with friends or relatives who want to establish their rules in your family?

10. Must a family report to other people about what is happening in their life?

11. If I am satisfied that my wife does not work, must I change this opinion to please others?

12. What should be done if your other half spends the whole day on the internet and does nothing at home?

13. What if you have plans for improving the home, but no one supports you in this and nothing helps?

14. What should be done if a similar situation exists in your family, and your spouse does not want to change anything or understand in this regard?

15. Does the Bible condemn lazy people? 1 Tim. 5:8.