Learning to Love My Wife

Once the Apostle Paul wrote these words: “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” (Rom. 7:24). And such an awareness of one’s sinful nature is inherent to every believing person. Sometimes I want to say the same words about myself—not to you, friends, but to GOD. I know the answer, which always sounds the same: “Surely I come quickly.” (Rev. 22:20).

In our family relationships there are many interesting phases which, like the wind, come from the unknown, break upon my heart, and then go away in an incomprehensible direction.

Being a believer, I understand what struggle goes on in my mind and how my soul has been trained to discern good and evil. But any right settings are not created by themselves and are not preserved automatically, by default. Yet at the same time GOD’s mercy and Grace are constant, like the sun, waiting for the one who will open his life to their life-giving rays.

In fellowship with a wonderful person of the opposite sex I noticed a very interesting peculiarity. This miracle of GOD’s Grace is for me a continual miracle that constantly rejoices and amazes, tests my firmness, and establishes me in love. Before the wedding I knew my chosen one as she was before marriage and thought she would be like that always. I had heard that women can be different, and that their mood often changes with the speed of thought; but, observing my future wife, I decided that, broadly speaking, this was not about her—but I was mistaken. It always amazed me how faith in GOD and the presence of CHRIST in life adorn any woman. I also noticed that this faith does not deprive a person of individuality, but helps to develop the good qualities of the soul.

In friendship with my beloved I was convinced more than once that I am dealing with a strong-willed person who shows unexpected feelings and is quite emotional, and all this is so harmoniously woven into her character that any joint undertaking is like a new film whose script is very interesting and unpredictable. All my logic sometimes falls under the blast of all sorts of emotions and feelings, or marvels at the stability and firmness of volition, or strains in expectation of something unusual.

Love helps me accept my wife as she is, whenever this is at all possible. But my old man sometimes tries to suggest to me thoughts alien to GOD and to force me to act according to the flesh, rejecting GOD’s Will.

Although my decision to always love my wife is constant and stable, no matter what, yet every new day is my new choice of precisely this path; and my morning request to GOD is for this unconditional Love for the whole day.

The Lord has a whole Universal Ocean of Agapē which He desires to pour into each person’s life, but not everyone asks for this and desires to have it. I cannot ask for this Love for myself and toward myself. It does not work that way. But when I decide to be a channel for this Agapē, then all the resources of Heaven are directed into my life so that, passing through my heart, they may reach the souls of those who will open them to such blessings.

To love my wife, as it turned out, is not so simple—and at the same time very simple—when I learn it from GOD. I could not even imagine that someone would appear in my life who could, by a light decision of her idea, cross out all my morning plans and persuade me to do what does not fit into my mind at all. I still do not understand why flowers in a vase delight my wife more than the same flowers in the neighbor’s flowerbed. Or why mice are the scariest monsters that cause so much screaming and panic. Or why it is necessary to wash a clean floor so often, while at the same time categorically not paying attention to the uncleanness of the car.

At times I do not know how to plan my personal time, because it is already scheduled in my wife’s plans. And she knows how to attract me so convincingly to selfless labor for her good that I constantly marvel at how she manages to do this without extra words. Her happy smile, gentle words, and tender embraces can very quickly change all my settings and direct the course of my thoughts in the direction she needs. And I am powerless before such arbitrariness. But then, thinking over how I could so easily, without a struggle, yield and take up what I had not even thought about, I do not cease to marvel at the power of persuasion that my wife’s kind words and deeds have.

But the most interesting thing is that the Lord, it seems to me, very often stands on the wife’s side and quietly counsels me: “Do it, listen, forgive, forget, put everything aside, give, stop.” And what is left for me to do against such a union?

But I have also noticed that when I begin to serve my spouse, this leads her to a wonderful mood and disposition toward me, and I can receive from her everything—any service, including all of her—for reasonable relations. And how tasty the food in our home is, even the most modest, when everything is done and served with love!

Our mutual love works wonders in our relations. Although I often cancel many of my plans for the sake of my wife’s requests, I notice that she too can put off all her affairs and begin to do what I ask her—and do it with love and with all her heart.

Sad as it is, sometimes our plans do not coincide, and it is necessary to defend one’s point of view and to exercise the authority given by GOD in spite of all persuasions.

Sometimes I hear strange counsels which I cannot quietly accept. For example, when out of pity for my physical fatigue after work my wife asks me to leave this occupation and to find something easier or simply to be at home with her. I understand that there is something romantic in this, but I also remember my duty to be the provider and steward of my family.

And I have also understood that to love my wife is a whole science with its own laws and customs, which must be learned all one’s life. Some things in our order have become a norm or a tradition; and for something else it is necessary to apply an act of will so that nothing be destroyed.

It is characteristic also that the difference between my wife and me and her way of thinking from mine greatly pleases and rejoices me. I receive from these relations what my brothers cannot give me. A gentle voice, tender touches, physical weakness, dependence on my help—all this and much more helps me feel strong, needed, in demand, and unique.

My family is that very only place in the whole world where no one can ever replace me. The same I can say about my wife. She is unique and irreplaceable by anyone. And such a miracle I am learning to accept and to love, and in this there is something beautiful and important that draws us to each other. And to love a beloved person is not so difficult—rather the opposite: it is impossible not to love.

But however good this may be, it is my daily choice and a constant resistance to every evil that tries to persuade me to something else.

When in our fellowship we come to another crossroads, I so want to go my own way; but the Lord asks me whether I want to learn something good, and I humble myself and give consent.

1. Please read John 3:8; Rom. 7:13–25; Eph. 5:25; 6:10–12; Heb. 5:14; 1 Pet. 1:7, 22; 3:1–4; Col. 3:19; 1 Cor. 7:3, 32–35; Prov. 15:17; 25:15 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your memory?

4. Does a person have complete knowledge of how to love his other half?

5. Is it worth studying your life partner and discovering something new in him or her?

6. Can two opposite people be made into one whole?

7. Why, when our world was created and everything was good, was it not good for man to be alone? Gen. 2:18.

8. What should I do if I have no family and no one to learn to love?

9. Can another person’s love for you and his or her requests change all your plans?

10. Where does love go when conflicts or disagreements arise?

11. What should be done if my wife and I see and understand household order in our home completely differently?

12. Is it difficult to serve the one whom you love?

13. Do you consider that loving one’s spouse is a whole science that is worth studying?

14. Is GOD interested in happy families? Or is it most important to Him that everyone be believers?

15. Can a person who believes in GOD make his family happy?