Sharp Corners

When we were courting, my future wife and I noticed an interesting feature in our communication, which we later brought into our family. It consisted in the accidental discovery of the “sharp corners” of our characters, which were very unpleasant to bump into. We are all different. We all differ greatly from each other. We grew up in different families, in different circumstances, and the environment around us was also different. And then we met, liked each other, and united our two different lives into one. Although we had a common worldview and one goal, and our faith was centered on the One God and Jesus sent by Him, still it sometimes seemed that we were going to this by different paths.

The expression “to avoid sharp corners” means avoiding conflicts, arguments, or unpleasantness in communicating with one another in order to preserve harmony and peaceful relations. It also implies the ability to find compromises, to step away from confrontation, and to show mutual understanding. It is also necessary to be tactful and diplomatic in communication so as to avoid possible unpleasant situations. This can be a useful skill in interpersonal relationships and professional activity.

In addition, “to avoid sharp corners” also means avoiding dangerous or risky situations to ensure one’s well-being. This phrase can symbolize a striving for smoothness, flexibility, and harmony in actions and approaches, and a rejection of more abrupt and aggressive methods. This can be connected with a philosophy of stepping away from confrontation and a preference for more peaceful ways of achieving goals. It is the ability to find bypass routes or creative ways out of difficult situations, discovering non-standard ways of solving problems that allow you to avoid direct collision or overcome difficulties by means of unexpected methods.

We began to build our relationship on mutual love and friendship, and this love helped us to see in each other many wonderful qualities of the soul that would never have been discovered as a precious treasure by any other viewpoint. But despite all our love and mutual respect, unexpected icebergs surfaced in our communication from time to time, provoking us to create tension and conflicts.

For example, when we touched on any political events, this immediately introduced a strange spirit of discomfort, and my wife asked that we not discuss these topics in the family.

My better half believed that pets bring much joy and warmth into life. I, however, thought that people who do not love them are not so bad. It was difficult for me to understand why bind yourself to speechless creatures and take responsibility for their upkeep when there are already enough concerns.

As for food, we also sometimes did not have a common taste and understanding of the usefulness of products, although we adhered to the health reform. I considered ice cream the most terrible enemy for the stomach, while my beloved often dreamed of eating it.

Sometimes my stories about my worldly life before faith in God frightened my wife, and she worried so much because I could have perished forever and remained in this world that afterward she could not sleep well.

One way or another, such differences led us to conflicts and discomfort, which we needed to eliminate urgently, not allowing them to develop.

But since we decided to reduce everything to love, we always succeeded in this, and love prompted us which topics should be closed forever, what should be ignored, what needed to be delicately sorted out, and what not to allow even in thought. Sometimes compromise was the most correct solution to some difficult problem, and at times it was necessary to gently stand our ground, considering that this would be the way out of the situation.

Once there was a case when my wife was offered a job in a supermarket, where after its closing she would need to put new goods on the shelves. The work took 3–4 hours a day, and the salary was paid for a full working day, and Saturday was free. But I understood that my wife would come home late at night, exposing herself to unnecessary risk, or I would have to stay awake and pick her up by car. It was necessary to explain for a very long time and at length that such employment was not for our family and was destructive for health. As a result, my beloved understood everything and later thanked me for not agreeing with her.

We both have a sense of humor and joke very often, but sometimes these jokes turn out to be very silly and can wound the feelings of the other and cause pain, therefore even in this matter we began to show caution and foresight.

Sometimes we thought that something pleased us both and that we would do it, and when we delved into the matter, we understood that for someone it was good, and for someone it was bad, and it brought pain. Such things had to be taken into account and set aside.

I saw nothing terrible in walking through the house in outdoor shoes, while for my wife it was a catastrophe with which she absolutely could not reconcile herself despite all her love for me. And the most terrible punishment for violating this order was the reproach that I did not love her and did not respect her work. And it was difficult for me to prove the opposite when she once again caught me in boots in the middle of the room. But for the sake of peace I decided to break this habit, although I still did not understand what was so bad about it.

Some of my friends and relatives brought discomfort into our family life when they visited us, and having understood this, I decided to meet with them outside the home, finding different pretexts so as not to embarrass my wife with their next visit.

In all spheres of our life there was much that we saw in our own way. Sometimes this delighted us, but when tension arose, I tried to look for a diplomatic approach to solving the issue.

My wife was also a very sensitive and intuitive person and could foresee various difficulties in relationships in advance. She understood any situation very well. Very often her cheerfulness and positivity smoothed over many sharp moments and then very skillfully avoided them.

Although we had an agreement that we could hug each other without prohibitions and limitations, sometimes this had to be consciously canceled when I understood that it was not the time or was inopportune. For example, if my wife is carrying heavy bags and I start to support her with my kisses and embraces, then I can hear everything about myself except what I want. And when I am focused on some task, then it is very difficult for my wife to get answers from me to her numerous questions. And she has to first ask me whether I hear her and what she is saying to me.

We also noticed that the more we communicate and live together, the fewer “sharp corners” we have in our relationship. The Lord teaches us not to fight for our rights, but to build what unites us and makes us happy.

It is difficult to live with someone who makes their “sharp corner” a law for the family and demands recognition of their exclusivity. We do not bring ourselves to this, since we have like-mindedness and unanimity in Christ, and the Holy Spirit guides the flow of our thoughts and destroys our wrong views of life, bringing us into the unity of the faith and the knowledge of Jesus.

Pride is alien to us, and love for each other resolves everything in the best way.

1. Please read Prov. 3:30; 15:1; 17:14, 17, 19; 18:6–7, 21; 20:3; 26:21; Rom. 12:9–10; 2 Thess. 2:17; Eph. 3:16–19; 5:15–33; 2 Tim. 2:22–26; Gal. 5:19–21 in the light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

4. What are “sharp corners” in family relationships?

5. Have you ever experienced collisions with “sharp corners” in communication with others?

6. Where do conflicts come from?

7. Should one take into account another opinion if you are right?

8. Will a yielding person be a winner? (Prov. 20:3).

9. Will it be correct not to “avoid sharp corners” in the family, but to break them so that they do not exist?

10. What should I do if I am “pressed into a corner” and they do not want to submit to my “sharp corner”?

11. At what period of family life do the most frequent conflicts occur?

12. Read Deut. 24:5. Is this time given by God for a special “fitting” in the family?

13. Is there a difference between a quarrel of two egoists and disagreements of two people who love each other?

14. Does God help us remove from our life everything “sharp”?

15. What should one do in order not to have “sharp corners”?