Conflict Resolution

My wife and I love each other, and that love always helps us find a way out of any situation. Love unfailingly points to the best solution, yet our human nature sometimes tries to “throw a wrench into the works” and bring unnecessary problems into our lives.

We are learning to avoid “sharp corners,” but conflicts still happen. Sometimes they catch us off guard and place us in a difficult position, where we must search for a way out. We came to understand that surprises can arise in any area of our relationship. They are often so diverse and unpredictable that one may feel lost in choosing the right approach.

Words of love are always good, but sometimes they seem out of place—especially when tension fills the air, demanding quick action, while wisdom in that moment is lacking. Thankfully, we have the Lord, Who is always near and constantly helps us find the best solution in any conflict of interest.

What is conflict?

Conflict is when someone’s opinion or behavior does not align with your own understanding or worldview. Not every conflict is something evil or sinful. But when a barrier of disagreement begins to grow in my mind against the worldview of my beloved, the best course of action is to resolve it quickly, before a small sprout becomes a large tree.

Over time, we identified several ways of resolving conflicts. They are not always the same, but they helped us greatly:

1. Overlooking minor issues.

Sometimes a person blurts something out without thinking, not realizing it. If it is truly insignificant, then after a while it fades from memory. But if you choose to “make a mountain out of a molehill,” prepare for war. Even in such a case, it is still possible to ignore the situation and avoid conflict. We must remember: in God’s eyes, I am not better than the one I live with—nor worse.

2. Adapting.

Not everything in a spouse’s view may please me, but sometimes I can adjust to their outlook for the sake of peace. Love suggests how to do this with minimal risk and loss. At times I simply agree with something I do not fully accept, in order to preserve harmony, while also reflecting on whether the problem might actually lie in me.

3. Open confrontation.

Not everything contrary to my view can be ignored, and my wife is not timid either. Sometimes we openly clash in opinion, each defending our ideas and expecting to win. We do not break dishes or slam doors, but firmly and—importantly—with love, we voice our disagreement. In the end, however, we usually realize it was a storm in a teacup that changed nothing. Love reminds us: better to apologize than to prove oneself right.

4. Compromise.

When neither side is persuaded, we sometimes seek a middle ground. For example, when choosing the color of a car, each of us had strong but opposite preferences. After much debate, we compromised on a neutral option. Compromise is valid as long as it does not contradict conscience.

5. Time to reflect.

Simply postponing a discussion can resolve many issues before they escalate. With time, emotions cool down, and it becomes easier to talk.

6. Admitting mistakes.

Sometimes the Holy Spirit reveals the situation from a different angle, making you ashamed of what you allowed yourself. Then a quick “I’m sorry, I was wrong” can resolve everything. Love leaves no room for pride, and a loving heart seeks peace above all.

7. Heart-to-heart conversation.

An honest dialogue, free from bias or pressure, can quickly diffuse tension. When both voices are heard, common ground is found, and many conflicts are resolved at the root.

No matter what happens between us, we always strive to discuss it together, identify the cause, and find a solution. Even if conflict sometimes requires us to step over our own pride, discussion allows us to process everything calmly, often leading us to new insights that we carry into the future.

1. Please read Psalm 4:4; 139:23-24; Eph. 4:26; Prov. 3:30; 12:6; 15:1; 17:14,17,19; 18:6; 19:11; 20:3; 26:21; 29:11,22; 30:32-33; 2 Tim. 2:24; Gal. 5:19-21 in light of this lesson.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

4. What is conflict?

5. Is conflict in a family always bad?

6. Should we learn to identify and resolve conflicts even if we rarely experience them?

7. When does conflict become sin?

8. Can one foresee conflict and learn to avoid it?

9. Is avoiding conflict always the right solution?

10. Why do conflicts arise even among believing spouses?

11. Can love help avoid conflict—or at least resolve it properly?

12. What should I do if I am a peaceful person, yet I am constantly attacked and accused?

13. Is it worth starting a conflict if you know it will be resolved anyway?

14. What other ways of resolving conflicts, not mentioned in this lesson, do you know?

15. Do you know people who are completely conflict-free?