My Beloved

The Song of Solomon contains many tender and beautiful expressions, given as an example for every family and for those preparing to build one. At the very heart of the Bible, the Lord has provided us with a model of the most proper relationship between friends and spouses.

Some of the images and comparisons may not fit well with our modern cultural understanding, and some may even seem offensive, but they are given to us as a guide—to teach us not to be afraid of comparing cultural values.

For instance, if a young man in India tells his beloved that she is as beautiful as a cow, for the girl this will be the highest compliment, and she will glow with happiness at such high praise. But in European culture, it is better not to call women this way, as it could be understood in the exact opposite sense.

The Song of Songs contains lofty poetry and a deep expression of tender and sincere feelings between a man and a woman. They exchange their fantasies about one another with harmony, without embarrassment, clothing them in exquisite images that are clear to both, while also carrying profound meaning for those studying this message of love.

It is worth remembering that such words are considered proper in Heaven when spoken between close friends or spouses, but they are not given to us as a way of charming the innocent and enticing them to break the seventh commandment: “You shall not commit adultery.”

Our words are like a sharp knife. In the hands of a cook or carpenter, it can be a very useful and skillful tool. But in the hands of a robber or a madman, it becomes a dangerous weapon.

Within the family, however, all compliments and affectionate phrases are proper and welcome. The Bible gives us examples of correct expressions and comparisons not so we may simply read them and “like” them, but so we may use these beautiful words in daily life and constantly practice perfecting them. We should not limit ourselves to a small vocabulary of refined phrases. Every language is rich in kind expressions and interesting combinations, and each of us has a creative imagination that is worth developing fully in the family setting.

I decided to consider Solomon’s book within the framework of our own marriage. Recalling the days of our friendship, I saw how our love and attraction helped us easily invent all sorts of affectionate phrases, which we eagerly repeated and created from morning till night, delighting each other’s hearts with romantic experiences. And after the wedding, we poured upon one another waterfalls of the most tender and intimate words, which I would not dare to repeat here. Later, however, our little fountains seemed to dry up, and we fell into the routine of daily cares, drawing from memory a few joyful expressions just to gently soothe the ears of our beloved. I realized this should not be so, and resolved to restore romance into our union, striving to make it into as much of a celebration as possible.

She told me she would pray for the upcoming talk, and let me leave for work.

During the day, I tried to recall all the kind words I had ever spoken to my beloved, and wondered how well they would sound today. I also strained my mind to invent some new refined compliments and comparisons, but away from my wife this proved difficult, since my work required focus and concentration. In the end, I realized that the best words for my wife are born in her presence, in direct communication with her.

I decided to test my memory and called a friend, asking him to listen as I spoke about how wonderful my wife was. With a live listener, it became much easier to describe her virtues. But my friend politely interrupted me: “It seems to me you are trying hard to advertise your wife to me for some strange purpose.” Hearing this, I explained the real reason for my call, and he calmed down. Once he understood my plan, he was very surprised and began to reflect on his own wife.

When I came home, my wife was already there, quietly busy with household tasks. She patiently waited for the “serious conversation” and did not rush me to begin.

After washing and changing, I invited her to pray with me, then asked her to take her usual place on the armrest of the couch. I could feel she was like a compressed spring, waiting for something significant. I began gently speaking of my love, telling her how beautiful she was, how much I cherished her. Yet she still awaited the “serious conversation,” not realizing it had already started. At one moment it dawned on her, and she said she was in her special days, so I should not expect anything physical that evening, meaning my efforts were in vain. This only filled me with joy, and holding her tightly, I shared my ideas about continuing, in a deliberate way, the romantic practices we had cultivated in our pre-marriage days. She looked at me, trying to understand what I was getting at, but when the meaning reached her, she smiled, pressed herself gently against me, and asked me to continue and not stop.

I was amazed at the beautiful words of love that came to me, and at how wonderful a person was living in my home, whose soul I had explored so little.

From the way she pressed herself against me, I could easily tell which expressions she enjoyed the most, and which words gave her special delight. In the middle of our conversation, I realized that the list of compliments from the Song of Songs, adapted into modern speech, had run out—but I still had an infinite potential for new discoveries that could begin to unfold.

I decided also to experiment with repeating certain beautiful and tender words in different combinations. My wife did not object, and with joy accepted everything that came from my lips. Then I wished to test how long she could listen if I kept repeating the same phrase: “My beloved.” To my surprise, she could hear it endlessly, without weariness, smiling all the while.

When I paused to gather new compliments, she quietly waited for me to continue, giving me space to find my words. And as I listened to myself, I marveled where all this came from. Then I realized—it was the Lord helping me, placing His hand upon my efforts. With this thought, I began to dig deeper, discovering new revelations.

We resolved to continue this experience on other days as well.

1. Please read the Song of Solomon from beginning to end.

2. What did you understand from this topic?

3. What other Bible verses came to your mind?

4. Why and for whom was the Song of Solomon written?

5. Does the Lord want to teach us something from this book of Solomon?

6. Is it proper to express words of love and appreciation to your spouse within the framework of God’s law?

7. Should we be afraid of words of love?

8. Why do words of love in many families become rare or only a memory of the past?

9. What can words of love do in the heart of your beloved?

10. How can I learn to speak kind words if I lack such experience?

11. What should I do if I long to hear words of love, but no one speaks them to me?

12. Do you have a plan for your family or for your friends in this area?

13. Does Jesus desire to have such a relationship with us?

14. Does the Lord participate in our exchanges of love and kind words?

15. Should we love those who do not return the same?