Oh, This Friendship

Friendship among brothers and sisters is interesting in that many friends sometimes come to know the beautiful qualities in each other so closely that they develop an irresistible desire to deepen the relationship with the aim of creating a family. And this topic can be so captivating and unpredictable that you marvel at the turns of fate that seem to arise out of nowhere.

The School of Agape Love has many branches that may be formed at the initiative of enterprising missionaries who decide to study the lessons of love in their small groups and to practice in life what is revealed as they learn.

It happened that in one city a team was gathered from those who wished to study the great and the inaccessible, and as a result these people became very close friends and rejoiced in new insights about love and friendship, enjoying the right spirit within right relationships.

And the more they learned the Heavenly science, the more experience they gained in close relationships. After many of them made the decision to love one another according to the commandment, some developed a wholesome interest in creating a happy family. And one brother named Timur (name changed) even dared to make an offer to his friend Olya (name changed) to court with the purpose of forming a family.

Olya was not against such a turn of events, but she was tormented by doubts on many issues to which no one could give precise answers, and she had to pray earnestly and seek solutions to her challenges among wise people.

In this company of learners were also their friends—Alexander and his wife. They rejoiced with all their hearts over the new union and supported Timur and Olya with good counsel and stories about their own experience of managing a household. Things were quickly moving toward another wedding, and everything was developing according to the usual scenario, where friendly relations culminate in a mutual “Yes. Yes.” before the altar.

But tragedy struck. Alexander’s wife suddenly died of a heart attack, and he was left alone with his grief. The support of friends helped the unfortunate brother bear this tragedy with dignity, and work kept shifting his attention from sorrow to solving various tasks. Faith in God was his main consolation, and fellowship with the Savior his constant support. At the same time he did not abandon his study of the science of love, but diligently delved into the mysteries of Heavenly agape, wishing to see its power in practice.

While Alexander was married, his personal inviolability was under protection—no one tried to violate it. But after he became a widower, in due time he began to notice a special goodwill from some single sisters, who would readily serve him when needed and were quick to engage with him.

Olya had already been close to Alexander as a friend, and now she became a truly kindred soul. But Alexander, knowing that his friend Timur had particular intentions and plans regarding this sister, kept his distance from her, giving no occasion for the development of a closer relationship.

After another round of wrestling with her doubts, after fasting and prayer, Olya decided to break off the relationship with Timur and not marry him for personal reasons, plunging her friend into deep sorrow.

When Alexander learned of his friends’ breakup, he sympathized with them and suggested that they remain friends. They agreed. But literally shortly thereafter he turned his attention to Olya and saw in her the one who matched his heart, and Olya in turn did not hide her sympathy for Sasha. And then something happened that no one expected: they decided to court with the purpose of creating a family.

When Timur learned of this turn of events, he was very disappointed in his friends and regarded their behavior as a betrayal toward himself and even as open infidelity. Yet he understood that there was no violation of God’s law, and that any person free from marriage has the right to choose a life companion as he deems fit. Alexander was also very unsettled, for he did not want to lose any friend, but neither could he forbid his heart to love the one who loved him.

Timur’s hurt toward his friends, toward the whole world, and even toward God was so great that word of it reached my wife and me, and we decided to help our friend by inviting him to live with us for a time. He agreed, took unpaid leave, and came to our home. At first we calmly listened to all his laments about the outrageous injustice, and we prayed with him and for him that this matter might be resolved.

One day I asked Timur whether he loved Olya. He thought and nodded in affirmation. And I let him see that he loved himself, and that nothing good would come to Olya from such love. “If you love this girl, you must respect her freedom, her choice, and her understanding of life. And the fact that she chose someone else should make you glad, and you can do everything possible so that she would feel this friendly love and not be afraid to share with you her experiences about her friendship with Alexander. And if they decide to form a family, then as a loving friend you should be on the front line of all organizational matters and help them prepare and conduct the wedding celebration, find out what they would like to receive as a wedding gift, and present it to them wholeheartedly.

Love does not stumble over such trials, but changes its approach to the person. A male friend continues to love the girl not as a future wife, but as a dear friend whom another friend has decided to take as his wife.

Until friends say before witnesses a short ‘Yes’ to each other, they have every right to change their decisions without penalty, to break off relations, and to choose someone else. You do not know the future of your new family, and therefore it is better not to rush—especially if someone has doubts that do not go away.

God shows friends the features of their character, revealing the problems and prospects of a future union, but people determine their fate by their own ‘yes’ or ‘no.’

Love thinks no evil and does not accuse a friend for his choice of path. It will be wherever it is asked to come, and it will not surrender its positions where its banner stands. When you decide to love, replacing it with something else becomes dangerous, and no counterfeit will be approved by God except pure love from a pure heart.”

Timur listened and seemed to be solving some important problem. We prayed together about his struggle and committed everything into God’s hands. The next day Timur told us that he had called Alexander, asked his forgiveness, and blessed his friend to create a happy family, assuring him that he greatly regretted his behavior. He said the same to Olya, which both surprised and delighted her.

In time, Timur shared that this experience had been very necessary and valuable to him—thanks to it he was freed from the spirit of pride and began to esteem others more than himself. And the Lord replenished his “loss” so wonderfully and marvelously that afterward he was ashamed of his former attitude and frightened by what might have happened if he and Olya had formed something. A friend loves at all times—during close fellowship and during separation.

1. Please read Prov. 17:17; 1 Sam. 18:3–4; 20:17, 42; 2 Sam. 1:26; 1 Cor. 13:1–8; 16:14; Prov. 17:9; Song 8:7; John 5:42; 1 John 4:20–21; Jude 1:21; Rom. 13:8–10; Eph. 5:1–2; Heb. 10:24 in the light of this lesson.

2. What other Bible verses came to mind as you studied this lesson?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Do friends who decided to form a family have the right to change their decision?

5. Is it right to consider as your property the friend with whom you plan to create a family?

6. Do you know people who intended to form a family and then parted ways? If so, did they remain friends afterward?

7. Do the trials described in this lesson refine the gold of love that we buy from the Lord?

8. Is it important to preserve friendship and love among friends, even if their marital status changes?

9. How should you relate to a friend with whom you failed to form a family, when they managed to build a relationship with your friend?

10. Does love for a friend die if the friend refuses a closer relationship?

11. Do you think friendship between two people of the opposite sex can lead them to create a family union?

12. Is breaking off a relationship before marriage a sin? Should people continue loving one another if this happens?

13. Is it right to set a friend free if they do not wish to create a family with you, even if you cannot imagine life without them?

14. What should you do if breaking off a relationship with a friend with whom you planned a family has caused you pain, robbed you of happiness and sleep, and plunged you into despondency?

15. How can true love resolve the problems described in this lesson?