Insisting on one's own way

In every person's life comes such a moment when he sees the mistakes of other people or understands the execution of some task in the best way and at the same time expresses his opinion or decision aloud, insisting that everyone act exactly as he considers necessary. But depending on who such a "commander" is and who are those to whom such "valuable instructions" (VI in short) are given, depends the degree of submission or execution of such instructions.

When at work I received an order to cover a roof with tiles, I had to hire other firms to help, since it was beyond one person's power. The helpers did not know how this is done according to regulations, but had their own experience and understanding of this work. And while I was busy delivering the necessary equipment and materials, they began laying tiles from bottom to top, without conducting the necessary marking and measurements of the roof.

Upon arriving at the site, I immediately noticed this violation and stopped all work, which caused a storm of indignation. And before we continued, I had to explain for a very long time how it is necessary to first lay out the top and bottom rows according to size, measure everything, recalculate, and then every 5 rows make a chalk line from top to bottom, and only after this can you begin to cover the roof. When all sizes are checked and established, and marking is done, then you can begin laying the roofing from any place, in the end everything will come together and lie evenly and beautifully.

As understanding of this new science progressed, the storms of indignation subsided, and the hired workers began to do everything according to my prescriptions, realizing what could have happened if they had shown willfulness.

In construction there are things that lead you to error, and sometimes to an irreparable one, if you do not know how to correctly perform work, therefore you should listen to advice, but also know the rules and laws yourself.

There are requirements that must be observed, for example, for safety, and you cannot compromise, as this will cost someone's life or loss of health. But there are moments when you can give VI and simply observe how this is received.

For example, you need to erect a wall at a house. The corners of the building are raised according to level, and then a string is stretched between them, and the wall itself is laid. It can be laid from left to right or vice versa. This is not fundamental, but someone insists that left is better, and someone is more accustomed to the right. Can a conflict of opinions arise? Yes. Is it fundamental? No. But if this work is performed without a level and without a string, then error is guaranteed, and then it will be difficult to fix something. Buildings with crooked corners or uneven walls will not be accepted for operation, and the construction company will suffer large losses.

A family is also a kind of construction site, where two co-workers begin to erect the building of their happiness. Not knowing the rules and features of happy construction, they will build something, but how beautiful, strong and safe this will be depends rather not on their understanding of happiness, but on their diligence and obedience in studying already existing rules and establishments.

As a rule, two confirmed egoists approach the construction of family happiness, who know how to make decisions and know what they need. But in union with another egoist there are crossroads of opinions, where each sees the solution to the question in his own way and does not try to understand the opposite point of view, but begins to insist on his own, believing that by this he brings happiness and order to the family atmosphere.

No family has avoided such adjustments. And here it is important to notice that there are things that are not always fundamental to do this way or that, however there are rules that should not be violated.

For example, my beloved likes to eat bananas from the tail side, and she always insists that I eat this plant exactly this way. And if I open a banana from the top, this threatens conflict, as she cannot tolerate such arbitrariness, and her mood deteriorates because she believes that I do not respect her and show willfulness. What should we expect if I begin to eat bananas exactly the opposite way? Conflict is inevitable. And as a result we will come to the conclusion that we have no love. Is this question fundamental? No, but the enemy of the soul catches us on such nonsense and makes a mountain out of a molehill. The correct answer in such a situation is hidden in changing the proud heart, which feels calm only in the atmosphere of its own vision and understanding of life.

But let's take the same banana. It's not fundamentally important which side to eat it from, but if it has rotted, then I don't need it from any end, and I won't even allow it to be offered, as it represents a danger to health, although someone might even like the taste.

Distributing VI in the family is very easy when dealing with a compliant soul or with someone who fights for peace in the house and is ready to sacrifice his freedom. But there are moments when a person gets tired of such dictatorship and wants to make decisions himself and follow them.

Giving an instruction is not difficult, but insisting on obedience to this VI threatens to create tension in relationships or leads to conflict. And if you add phrases to this: "Who did I tell?"; "Are you deaf?"; "How many times can this be repeated?", then a crisis of relationships is inevitable.

Accepting someone's point of view, someone's instruction and following this course depends rather on the heart than on the mind. Another person's proposal must be accepted by the soul, for which the consent of the will is needed. The presence of pride at the center of decision-making can become a stumbling block for both sides, and insisting on one's own will only aggravate the situation. Obedience at the level of reason will be short-term and not established in the heart, which may resist, but when reason convinces the will of the logic and wisdom of this or that advice, then the will gives approval, and the heart joyfully obeys new decisions and creates the correct attitude for subsequent actions.

Love makes any instruction foresighted, wise and unobtrusive. It feels the friend's heart and very delicately touches the soul, trying with its influence to soften every word.

Love catches the mood and disposition. It does not create conflict situations and calmly retreats where there is no need to defend truth. However, it becomes very firm and invincible in those cases when it must go to the end and achieve victory.

When I give instructions to a three-year-old child, I understand that I need to make sure that he does everything as I ask. But when this child is 30 years old, then it's worth first thinking about how appropriate my instructions will be and how correctly they will be received.

Insisting on my own in my family will become permissible when I see inevitable trouble and do everything possible to prevent catastrophe. If the brakes in my car are faulty, then I will do everything so that my wife cannot go anywhere in it, even if she really wants to, despite my recommendations. But when the question arises about taking garbage out of the house, then it's not so important for me if there is a delay in solving this question.

Insisting on one's own without visible blessing for the future gives birth to a spirit of dictatorship, which destroys happiness and love, and this is important to consider when distributing all kinds of useful VI.

1. Please read Prov. 3:30; 22:3; Col. 3:12-17; Eph. 4:29-32; 1 Cor. 14:20; 16:13-14; 2 Cor. 13:10-13; Phil. 2:1-5; Heb. 13:16-17; Rom. 12:9-21; 1 Pet. 1:13-16; Matt. 5:44-48; Prov. 17:14,19; 28:25 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory when studying this lesson?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Should situation and a person's status be considered when insisting on one's own?

5. Should you achieve your plans and your truth from those with whom you have no authority?

6. From which side should bananas be eaten correctly? Do you have similar problems with your neighbors?

7. How do you feel when someone insists that you do what you don't want to?

8. At what point or when does a simple request become dictatorship?

9. What to do if I consider my neighbor's requests inadequate, but he still insists on his own?

10. Do I have the right to refuse others in their insistent requests?

11. Can pride manifest itself in this or that case, when I ask, or when I am asked?

12. Should I monitor my heart, how it reacts to insistent requests, or when I insistently ask someone about something?

13. How do you feel when I insistently ask you to be attentive in studying these lessons?

14. Does God insist on His requirements?

15. Will I bear responsibility if I lead someone into despondency with my valuable instructions?