Love for an abuser

God's plan regarding a happy family consists in that husband and wife are called to love each other from a pure heart, be friends, tenderly care for one another and develop personal relationships with their Savior, knowing each other.

Love casts out fear, antipathy, selfishness and opens the hearts of family partners to deeper knowledge of soul qualities.

Love suffers long, but at the same time it does not deprive its possessor of a sense of human dignity and boldly opposes any kind of violence against body, conscience and soul.

When the first attack comes, and the situation is new, then a person may become confused, deprive himself of certain protection and become a victim, who on top of everything else is also made guilty of all sins.

Abuse is allowing the carnal nature of man to dominate in relationships with a family partner and accepting services of fallen spirits to satisfy worldly pride.

Love unmistakably recognizes reciprocal love to all its actions and very quickly recognizes another spirit, which can even mask itself with beautiful words. And when a person is informed and taught correct relationships, he is immediately able to identify any type of violence and resist it.

We live in an age of maximum corruption, where all ethical norms and boundaries are violated and at the state level all kinds of abominations forbidden by the Bible are imposed within the framework of law, which do not bring happiness and freedom, but bring many problems into relationships. And this affects us.

Sex between spouses is a time of the greatest openness and vulnerability of hearts for the deepest knowledge of each other. Any kind of violence or domination at this time can deprive these relationships of holiness and activate natural protective forces of the soul, closing it to all types of attachments. And the abuser will use this closedness for more frequent attacks, which will only aggravate the situation and destroy family happiness.

Also violence in other spheres of relationships does not bring blessing to the family, but destroys what should be built on the foundation of mutual love and service to each other.

The protective properties of the soul will manifest in all spheres of relationships, and this can aggravate the situation and bring marriage to divorce. We will not teach you to divorce, as our School has other goals and plans, but the very fact of divorce does not mean that love is absent there. Sometimes it is love that can lead spouses to such a solution of questions, but all this is individual.

The spirit of love is given by God to teach a person to react correctly to this or that situation, and constant connection with the Savior gives Him power to intervene in family relationships and frustrate the devil's plans for their destruction, giving wisdom in this or that action. All this begins with prayer for love, for help and protection and should never end.

Abusive relationships in the family are not something obligatory that we must experience as disciples of Christ, but a consequence of one of the partners falling under the onslaught of the influence of evil forces and temptations of this world. This can be a short-term phenomenon, when the abuser understands his sin, repents of it and consciously resists it. But these can also be dynamically developing relationships, where carnal nature asserts itself and dominates.

The decision to love your spouse despite his inadequate behavior includes in consciousness special mechanisms for seeking solutions to problems in light of God's will. There is no will of God for one of the spouses to manifest violence, but if this happens, then love helps determine the type of abuse and the method by which it can be resisted. Very good support can be given by family counselors at church, who, having delved into the problem, are able to give necessary recommendations and advice and assist in making decisions.

If this counselor is of the opposite sex, then all sexual questions should be resolved by woman with woman, and man with man. Although it may also be that both spouses turn to one specialist, and then he interacts with both sides, listening to their opinion.

Love is closely connected with God, as it comes from Him and is maintained by Him. Choosing love, I block in myself any manifestation of carnal nature and can soberly approach solving the problem. It sounds like this: "Lord, I choose love, give me wisdom in this decision." And the Lord will necessarily come and give peace and the right spirit.

My body is arranged so that it can automatically block feelings and emotions, and I will have to make efforts to manifest the right spirit, having a serious appearance. But I will learn something good.

If physical violence with assault and causing injuries manifests in the family, then love will suggest how best to distance yourself from this person and maintain the right spirit at a distance. God does not call us to suffer for the satisfaction of the ambitions of those who promised to care for us and protect our body. Beatings, like sexual infidelity, are a violation of the marriage vow and destroy pure relationships, bringing the spirit of Satan into the family union. All this brings deep emotional wounds to the victim, which forever leave scars in memory. But love knows how to cope with these questions too and neutralize their destructive influence on the psyche. It is agape that protects the soul in the best way, but at the same time does not deprive me of the sense of pain. Jesus says to the wounded soul: "It will hurt you, but I will be near." It is God's presence in my love that helps me not to go mad and come out of any situation as a victor.

Even if when solving the problem circumstances developed so that we had to separate to different beds, rooms or apartments, then love for the family partner does not die, but seeks the best way out of the situation and knows how to wait long for good times, not ceasing to hope for a beautiful future.

Love must be unyielding in its actions and decisions. If you do not firmly resist violence, then the carnal spirit in the abuser will progress, and then the situation will only worsen, which can lead to a very deplorable result.

If for my protection I decide to choose not love, but something carnal, then perhaps the problem will be solved quickly, but there will be no victory. And what will I become, turning to demons for help?

Patience and forgiveness are beautiful virtues when they are manifested at the right time. But if I decide to endure a violent person and forgive his behavior every time, not trying to protect my human dignity, then I am not acting from love for myself and for him. God knows how to protect His subjects, although He allows their sufferings.

In Deut. 22:23-26 is described a commandment about crying out if violence occurs against a maiden. And if she does not cry out, then she becomes an accomplice of this sin. Love calls the victim of violence to cry out to Heaven and ask for protection, wisdom and help, and then the Lord will intercede and help solve all questions with love.

Love suffers long, is not proud, does not behave rudely, thinks no evil, bears all things, overcomes all things, believes all things and solves everything in the best way, always manifesting the right spirit, being in constant communion with God.

1. Please read Eph. 4:15; Matt. 5:44; 7:12; 1 Cor. 16:14; 1 Pet. 3:9-15; Gal. 5:6,12-23; Rom. 13:9-10; 1 Thess. 3:12; Prov. 31:12; Isa. 5:20 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Who did Jesus mean when He said in Matt. 10:36: "And a man's enemies will be those of his own household"?

5. Is it always easy to love when this love is not there?

6. Will unconditional love manifest itself where humanly it is impossible?

7. What do you think, does the Lord know what spirit manifests in abusive relationships, and does He take into account the human factor in reaction to all evil?

8. How to understand where the boundary lies between humility and patience and active resistance to all violence?

9. Do you have experience of how to respond with love to evil? If yes, please share it.

10. Do you always want to love those who do you much evil?

11. Should it be understood that the reaction to evil that relates to family members will not always be the same as to external enemies?

12. When love lives in your heart, will it prompt you to wise decision?

13. Is wisdom from above needed for solving complex family questions related to violence?

14. What happens to a person's will when he submits to the desires of an abuser and endures all his mockery?

15. How did you understand the verses from Deut. 22:23-26 in light of our time and this lesson?