Guilty without guilt

In the life of every married person there are moments when he needs help from outside, wise advice or instruction, for someone to help him figure out a complex family situation where he himself lacks wisdom and experience. And such a person comes to a friend or specialist for consultation, and he is told that in any conflict both are guilty, and there is no such thing as only one being guilty. And since all literate people know how to count, this protégé very quickly begins to understand that he belongs to the guilty, and where there is guilt, there should also be repentance.

I have been a frequent witness to such statements from different sources in different situations. And when you hear the same thing and nothing else, then a certain rule emerges that you yourself begin to apply to yourself and others, without even thinking why so, because situations and people are different.

When two egoists decided to create a family and encountered the fact that someone needs to yield in something, and they don't want to yield, then a protective reflex called "I am right" turns on, and all questions are considered from exactly this position, and those who will support you in your attitude are sought. And when both are right, then it can be difficult to come to peace, since pride does not allow looking at the problem differently. In such a case, any specialist will determine that both are guilty, and will be right.

Wiser people understand that not all family disagreements are fundamental, and it is better to join the ranks of the guilty and quickly settle all questions, if only there is peace in relationships. Their meek agreement and concessions quickly nullify any heat of passions, and admission of guilt and apology brings peace and resolves disputes.

But there are moments when in the family one of the sides dominates in all relationships and considers itself right in all spheres, and puts its partner in the category of guilty, and over time—in the category of stupid and understanding nothing in life, who constantly need to be taught something.

In such cases, usually a just struggle for equal rights begins, and the conflict resolution is aggravated.

All these problems have a common character. If there is no mutual love in relationships, then conflict is inevitable, and its best solution is hindered. If there is love unilaterally, then this is better than its complete absence. Then a good chance appears for quick resolution of questions without outside help.

But are both people always guilty in a conflict? Should one make and call guilty someone who is not guilty either in fact or in spirit?

A good answer to this inquiry is the life of Jesus, who gave us an example in many relationships. Was the Son of Man guilty of what He was accused of? Did He do something such that He could also be considered guilty? Did He make any mistakes in relationships with people where He could be accused of incorrectness and asked to apologize? Did He ask anyone for forgiveness for His behavior?

I think that the correct answer to all these questions will be: "No, no and no."

Then a fair question arises regarding the Lord's disciples, who, likening themselves to Christ, experience the same attacks from another spirit that were in their Teacher's life.

It is worth remembering that Satan is an accuser who day and night accuses all who have a completely different spirit and decide to be followers of Christ, living in purity and truth. With Satan you will always be guilty even where there is no reason for this. And his influence has enormous power, therefore persecutions, tortures and executions of Christ's followers exist in our days too.

The same spirit penetrates families, trying to destroy the happiness of those who promised to care for each other and tenderly love one another.

Making both sides guilty without discrimination and declaring this aloud, I risk taking the enemy's position and resolving questions guided by his point of view.

There is one interesting fable by Krylov "The Wolf and the Lamb," where the essence comes down to the fact that with the strong the powerless is always guilty, but the matter should be given lawful interpretation. This same principle can be noticed in many family disagreements.

To me, a weak and sinful person, it is characteristic to seek support from equally weak and sinful people, and when such advisors assure me that in any conflict both are guilty, this can only aggravate the situation and confuse it more. It is characteristic of us people to believe authoritative opinion without any investigation, therefore many stereotypes very quickly become our judgment, and then it can be very difficult to change anything.

There is One who is the best Counselor, who never makes mistakes and can help figure out everything I come to Him with. The Lord experienced all trials that fall to my lot, therefore He knows how to help me in any situation. In communion with Him faith and understanding of what character He has are needed. But one should not humanize God and attribute to Him one's own soul qualities.

A person who chooses the path of love, happiness and friendship will not be understood by everyone. By his decision to love he throws down a challenge to the whole world and to the whole host of spirits of wickedness in heavenly places. The enemy of the soul cannot resist love, but he will certainly accuse its possessor of all his sins and will use for this the closest people of the loving person who do not have relationships with Christ.

Love teaches not to make mistakes and always seeks solution to any problems proceeding from agape and being guided by it. Love is the most correct motive that is present in relationships and forms them according to the Heavenly pattern.

The Lord Himself guides the thoughts and feelings of a loving person and makes many changes in his life, endowing him with His wisdom and will to victory. To consider the actions of a loving heart incorrect and declare it even partially guilty in any family conflicts is an attempt to accuse God of imperfection of His love.

Unfortunately, the stereotype about guilt of both sides has so firmly established itself in the minds of many of us that we easily render such a verdict without trying to delve, think and understand.

But there is a dilemma. A loving person does not see his guilt and is not going to apologize without grounds. And his opponent of another spirit is blinded by pride and considers himself right, and does not even allow the thought that he is guilty of something. He would rather agree that the whole world is guilty than take another position. As a result, the problem only worsens.

If someone, loving a close person with whom he has conflict in relationships, begins to apologize before him, seeing only in such an approach the solution of the question peacefully, then this is not a manifestation of his weakness, but a wise approach to settling the situation. Although the root of evil will remain in the proud person's heart, within one day the question can be successfully resolved.

But even loving people can get tired of constant attacks and sometimes try to prove that they are also right and will not let themselves be offended. The enemy of the soul is only waiting for this to discredit the good name of the loving friend.

But Jesus knows how to help those who err and does not judge them for their mistakes, but justifies and instructs further, granting His love.

1. Please read Prov. 17:15,26; Ps. 14:1-5; 48:16-21; 108:2-7; Matt. 7:1-5; 10:36; 12:7; 27:12; John 8:10-11; Rev. 12:10; Rom. 2:14-15; 8:33-35; 1 Tim. 5:19-20; Jer. 9:4; 50:6-7; Ex. 9:27; Isa. 54:17; Job 9:20; Prov. 10:18; 24:24 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Have you ever been guilty without knowing of what?

5. Why, when people quarrel, do they necessarily make others guilty?

6. Was Jesus ever guilty of anything?

7. From whom does the spirit of accusation come?

8. When should you apologize if you don't consider yourself guilty, and when is it better to remain silent?

9. In which family is there more peace—where both are always right, or where each considers himself guilty?

10. Does this verse from Prov. 15:1 teach anything: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"?

11. How is a person's guilt determined?

12. What to do if I am considered guilty of all evil, but I simply love and cannot do otherwise?

13. Does the Lord accuse His children without cause?

14. Does love help to see the essence and spirit of accusations in true light?

15. Do you believe that at the end of time all God's children will be declared guilty of all misfortunes and sentenced to death for this?