Should you always be who you are?

Have you ever heard such an expression in response to your complaints about the strange behavior of your life friend: "Well, that's just how (he or she) is!" And you have to accept this miracle as it is. And if this treasure justifies its sins in this way, how should such statements be properly perceived?

And when you try to make a useful remark about the fact that sometimes the natural behavior of your friend does not fit into the framework of your perception, you run into a wall of misunderstanding and again hear a brief statement that what is, is.

Although we are all different and unique in our own way, sometimes this uniqueness is destructive to good relationships and you have to ask for strength from above to accept a friend as he is. And, strangely enough, such nature very actively manifests itself exactly this way in the family in the company of the one with whom he decided to live his whole life. And there's no getting away from it.

If I am who I am, in the spirit of love and friendship, in care and service to my other half, then such a natural state is met with open arms and joyful anticipation of a beautiful mood. But if by this expression I make it clear that I am not just an egoist, but a complete egoist who, besides himself, loves and accepts no one, then I think this statement will not make anyone happy.

If you hear such egoistic things from a friend, this leads to thoughts about what to do with him. But if this comes from the abundance of my heart, then it's worth thinking about how others hear this, and what this means in the eyes of Heaven.

Being yourself is honest and right. But it's worth understanding the spirit of such a "self-being person." Let's take an egocentric model of behavior and see how it behaves outside the home.

I decided to be myself at home and began to notice that such nature of mine depresses my wife, brings a military spirit into relationships and does not bring happiness.

When I go to work, where I am a simple salesman, my management requires my polite attitude toward clients and an atmosphere of smiles in the workplace. And they don't care what I'm really like. They pay for my working time, wanting me to be as their expectations require, otherwise I'll have to look for another job. I become what I need to be in order not to be fired. And I do well playing the role of a happy salesman. And over time I become really happy in this sphere.

My friends have rallied a friendly collective where it's customary to joke, help each other, share problems and solve them together. They simply won't accept me into their society as I am, and I have to play the role of a responsive friend and even become a small leader in promoting good ideas.

Among rich buyers who often invite me to their corporate meetings, I also cannot be myself, otherwise deals will fall through, and I play the role of a decent businessman.

Coming to my attending physician, I don't dare call him a "free doctor," though sometimes I want to. But I understand that in such a case I will become "hopelessly ill," and therefore I have to play the role of an interested listener and give gifts to get a free appointment next time.

In church I simply shine with purity of behavior and speech. Although there too I have to play a righteous person, I'm so used to this that I can't even imagine myself different among my dear brothers and sisters.

In communication with police I am very polite, where else to go, since they are authority.

In the neighbors' meeting I also play a resident interested in public order. And wherever I go, everywhere I play someone and quite successfully. And I have so entered into these roles that sometimes I don't know what I'm really like.

And only at home do I understand that I can be who I am, but on condition that there are no guests or strangers in the house. And I consider myself so important that I constantly remind my wife how lucky she is with such a wonderful husband. But for some reason she doesn't like this, and she keeps trying to come up with a new occupation for me or expects some household chores from me, not understanding that I'm a creative person with very high intentions and abilities.

One family counselor advised me to start playing the role of a caring husband at home, who would only think from morning to evening about how to serve his wife and how to delight her heart with care for her pressing needs. I immediately perceived this suggestion with hostility, considering it hypocrisy and playing theater. Who needs such a performance? After all, this wouldn't be me, and I so wanted my wife to discover a creative personality with high flight of thought in me and love me for this. Then I would appreciate her feelings and begin to respond in kind. But she only knows how to ask me for six months to take out the Christmas tree to the trash and not walk around the house in street shoes. Sometimes such attitude even becomes annoying. When I'm at home, I don't want to do anything at all, because this is the only place where I can safely walk through the expanses of the internet, delving into all world events and getting tasty and healthy food at the appointed time.

But what if I actually take and try to play the role of a caring husband? I'll see what comes of this? So be it, I'll start from next Sunday.

I woke up early and immediately asked my wife what she would like me to do for her. She was surprised and asked once again to remove the Christmas tree. I immediately got up, took the garlands off the tree and carried this dried tree to the yard. It was May, and the neighbors were surprised where we got such trees. I asked what else to do. My wife timidly expressed the next request, then the next and another. I successfully played the role of a caring husband, watching my spouse out of the corner of my eye. And she didn't understand what was happening, but was very inspired.

The next day on the way home I bought my wife flowers and invited her for a walk. She agreed with surprise. And during communication I suggested that the next day we dine together at our first restaurant. It was so interesting to observe what things my theater play produces.

Over time I caught myself only thinking about my wife's happiness and coming up with new ideas, which I then implement with her. And my wife kept waiting for when I would become myself, to understand that this was only a dream that ended so quickly. But I had already gone on principle and decided to play my role further, despite any difficulties.

After several months of successfully playing a caring husband, my spouse decided to call me to a frank conversation and asked what had happened to me that very Sunday, why I suddenly became so attentive and caring.

And I listened to her questions and didn't want to tell her the whole truth, fearing that she would reject me and stop accepting my service. During this time I had so entered the role that I no longer wanted to leave it, seeing how happiness began to run after our family, although we didn't invite it. I simply wanted to play theater, but as a result I understood that this was no longer a game, but life.

1. Please read 1 Tim. 1:5-6; James 3:13-17; Matt. 6:22-23; 15:7-9; 23:25-28; Rom. 8:28; 12:9-10; Eph. 5:25,33; Prov. 11:9; Job 27:7; 1 Pet. 1:22; 2:1-3,19-21 in light of our lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your memory?

3. What thoughts came to you when reading this lesson?

4. What did you understand from this topic?

5. Does the meaning of the presented topic change if the expression "play a role" is changed to "I'll try to live this way"? What's the difference?

6. Can constant playing someone change a person's thinking?

7. Will the Lord assist those who want to play a caring person with the goal of improving family relationships?

8. Can a person get used to doing what he practices every day?

9. Do a person's thoughts follow his deeds?

10. What will happen if I, being hypocritical, begin to do good deeds? Will this benefit those for whom I do these deeds?

11. Is a person born with righteous thoughts and desires that subsequently make him caring about others?

12. Have you ever had to force yourself to be kind or caring, and then were very happy about it?

13. What will happen if I don't play anyone, but will be myself, honestly demonstrating my selfishness?

14. Does the word "play" not bother you?

15. Do you agree that the human heart is deceitful and desperately wicked? Jer. 17:9. Can such a heart somehow change? Can it be replaced with a more decent one?