Continue Doing It Yourself

When I was a child and teenager, it was natural for me that my parents took care of me, and I didn't even think about what it cost them or how much I cost them. I simply grew up under their control and considered everything in our house mine, and their care for me their natural obligation, which they never disputed. I think each of us goes through a similar path until we become independent and self-reliant people.

The time comes when we leave our parental home and acquire our own house or apartment, or room, or bed in a dormitory. God, granting us life in our parents' family, did not plan for us to remain under their care for our entire life path. But the age comes when a son or daughter becomes an adult and leaves their parents to start earning themselves and managing a separate household.

And someone decides to continue living with their parents, giving them part of their salary or giving nothing until they create their own family.

One way or another, a person gets used to taking care of themselves, without preventing their parents from continuing to show their usual care.

And then comes the moment when someone appears in the life of the lonely hero of this story who attracts all his attention and conquers his heart. All thoughts and feelings are absorbed by this new candidate for personal relationships. And these relationships can quickly end or transfer to another interesting character, or develop and reach the decision to create a family.

And what should this family be like? Most likely, our he and she will build together what they were taught in their families and what they managed to learn about building a family hearth in their parental homes. But most of all, on the eve of the wedding, they dream about each other, about the one who was able to conquer their heart and is probably the best partner in the world, who will care for their other half as their parents did, and in response to such treatment, they will also be able to receive similar care.

Finally, the wedding. Parents rejoice to tears, and all the invited guests wish much love and happiness, while the newlyweds are already savoring how they will surprise everyone with their happy family life, not imagining what they will have to go through.

The honeymoon arrived. The money received as wedding gifts went to cover wedding expenses and pay for the honeymoon trip. After the romantic journey, they had to plunge into everyday life and plan their life so that every day would be a holiday of love.

The wife decided to surprise her husband with her culinary talents, making a daily list of those products he needs to buy on his way home from work, and every morning hands her beloved another bag of trash, asking him to throw it out.

And the husband can't get used to the new cuisine, as his wife is accustomed to eating canned food and semi-finished products, now teaching him this way of eating too. And he wanted her to cook as tasty and healthy as his mother did.

Also, every day the new mistress of the house makes another request for her husband to wash the bathtub after himself, not scatter clothes around the rooms, wash his own socks and underwear, not snore at night, and perform household work when asked.

The husband, meanwhile, decided that his wife should uncomplainingly handle household chores, from washing dishes and cooking food to cleaning the home and doing laundry. At the same time, he couldn't understand why, when he lived alone, he took out a little trash once a week, and now it's a whole bag every day. He concluded that his wife produces trash in his absence and decided to share this conclusion with her, believing that she should also take out the trash herself.

As a result, an unpleasant dialogue ensued, where each tried to explain to the other their dissatisfaction, their direct obligations, and their attitude toward the occurring events, pouring out on each other what had managed to accumulate. After such a conversation, they didn't really want to go to bed together. But there was nowhere to go, as there was only one bed in the house, and they had to lie down with their backs to each other as far apart as possible. Each considered themselves deceived. She feels like a servant, and he feels like a porter.

In the described problem, the colors are exaggerated, and not every family experiences such an experience, but somewhere it does take place. I want to ask these people whether it was easy for them when they lived alone and did what became unbearable for them to do in the family. And what changed when you entered marriage? Expectations changed, and with them came demands, and obligations appeared that can be placed on another's shoulders.

When two egoists decide to build something common, then they will have to consider the other's opinion and make concessions somewhere, and somewhere step over themselves and do what they are asked to do. But there are things that are better to continue doing yourself, as was done before creating a family. Then the question arises: "What is a family for if I'm going to do everything myself?" Or: "Why do I need a wife or husband who does nothing in the house?" Never ask these questions to your other half. If you truly wish to build happiness, then start serving and pleasing each other, joyfully doing what you know how to do. And let your partner ask to take over this responsibility if they want to make your life easier. If something is hard to do yourself, or there's no time for it, you can always ask for help, and it will come.

The wife should understand the following. If she serves her husband and cares for him, considering him a king, then he will make her a queen and will serve her. But if she starts to dominate and command in the house, then she will never gain respect for herself but will become an always dissatisfied servant of everything and everyone. And a man has enough power and strength to accomplish this.

And here we're talking about people who believe in God and keep His commandments. Jesus himself established such a rule: "... whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all" Mark 9:35. Service to neighbors begins with family.

Family is not an expectation that, finally, someone will serve me and attend to my needs, but an alliance with a person you want to make happy, whom you decide to care for and love simply, from a pure heart. And family responsibilities can always be calmly negotiated, discussing these issues in peace and love. If it's difficult for you to do for another what you joyfully did for yourself, then you shouldn't blame them for laziness or cunning. Most likely, this is a problem of your heart.

Any obligation can be approached with a different spirit and made into a problem or solved quickly and without noise.

If I don't like a dirty bathtub or dishes in the sink, it would be much safer to joyfully fix this myself than to blame another and expect them to perform what they possibly don't even understand. "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" Amos 3:3.

Usually, there are no complaints about children when they simply and peacefully live with you, producing nothing but dirt and trash. Time passes, and children learn order and cleanliness. And how is a spouse different? They also have no family experience, and this needs to be learned.

1. Please read Ecclesiastes 9:10; Philippians 2:4; 1 Corinthians 16:14; Mark 10:43-45; Romans 12:9-10; Ephesians 4:1-3; 5:22,25; 1 Thessalonians 3:12; Proverbs 15:17; 29:23; John 13:34-35; 1 Peter 4:8 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Is what is discussed in this lesson personally familiar to you?

5. Should you wait for your other half to do those things you can do yourself?

6. Do you need a family if you're going to do everything for two by yourself?

7. Can a proud heart filled with egoism build family happiness?

8. Why does it happen that we are benevolent toward children's idleness, but our spouse's idleness angers us?

9. What should you do if your spouse doesn't want to take out the trash? Is it worth spoiling relations with them over this?

10. What should you do if your wife doesn't want to cook food?

11. What does serving your family consist of?

12. Does love open new possibilities to see those spheres of serving your family that you didn't know before?

13. Read 1 Timothy 3:5: "for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" What is common in caring for family and caring for the prosperity of the church?

14. Should spouses distribute family responsibilities and then diligently perform what is expected of you?

15. What should you do if you have to do all the household chores yourself?