Closed Family Territory

Family is the most complex organization in the entire Universe. It is God's property that by the fact of creation came from His hands, and which He blesses to bring forth fruit of mutual love.

The mystery of earthly family relationships is unique, and according to the Creator's design they should reveal the glory and character of Heavenly relationships of the Godhead. This mystery is so great that there are no suitable words to correctly express and describe God's entire plan regarding the invention of family union.

The very principle that family is created forever speaks of the fact that the couple begins a process of lengthy education, which in the course of its development should lead newlyweds from one phase of relationships to a deeper and higher level of education.

Family is the most closed society, which has its own secrets, its own rules and orders, its own settings and agreements, its own traditions and holidays. Coming into your friends' family, you become a witness to what is opened to you at the moment of visit, and what you can see during the period of staying in this house. But you don't know what happened in this family before you, and you'll never know what will be in it when you leave it. There are family things that will never be told or shown to you, although you'll perfectly understand that they exist and what they represent.

God endowed family with freedom of self-determination, freedom to find its own model of relationships, freedom of movement and choice of residence, freedom to plan its own size, independence from others' opinions, freedom to love each other according to understanding of this process, and many other factors that can properly develop only under conditions of absolute freedom.

It's also amazing that family union, being the most conservative establishment with the most radical restrictions of freedom, at the same time doesn't deprive the will of each spouse of freedom to choose the path by which a person decides to go through life, independent of anyone. For example, if I wished to believe in God and worship Him in spirit and truth, but my spouse doesn't share my convictions, then remaining husband and wife and living in one house, we're free to each go our own way of faith or unbelief, finding unity in other spheres of life and having physical intimacy, independent of our religious beliefs.

Love in family can also develop only under conditions of freedom to choose such mutual attitude toward each other. Husband and wife begin to love each other and allow this God's gift to completely possess them, but they cannot understand how this happens. As we don't know how a seed sprouts and where life comes to a planted plant, so we'll never understand why everything worked out this way for us, and differently for others. Love, although it comes from One Source and has no limitations in itself, manifests differently in each family, depending on people's peculiarities and the makeup of their characters.

Love makes any relationships perfect and covers a multitude of flaws and shortcomings with its perfection. It, like pure snow consisting of billions of beautiful snowflakes, covers all family cares and problems and brings everything to a better state. When there's mutual love in relationships, and husband and wife understand, know, see, and feel that they love and are loved by each other, then everything else becomes an addition and useful supplement to this love. And nothing can replace or fake relationships of love.

This is God's plan—to be present in each family through His love and give meaning to everything that happens there.

It's precisely the presence of love that determines how truly happy this or that family will be.

Wise people who have their life experience always advise newlyweds "not to air dirty laundry," that is, not to share in all details with others what happens in their family. And sometimes you so want to complain about crying injustice that takes place. But here lies the danger that such stories can discredit your spouse. Any family conflict will sooner or later be resolved by you, but those who know about your problems may remain with the bad opinion you expressed and long have a biased attitude toward the one about whom you previously told many bad things.

My family is surrounded by an invisible God's hedge, inside which the Lord knows about everything happening and gives His wisdom and goodness for resolving many disputable questions. By sharing my family problems or secrets with my neighbors, I destroy this hedge and open the door to the influence of outsiders, not knowing what spirit they'll bring into our family and into my consciousness. Good for me if this person is wise and, understanding the problem, offers its best solution, praying and supporting me further. But woe to me if another spirit takes up this question and begins offering me non-God's methods for getting out of difficulties. Or if my confidant begins retelling all my problems in their own way, secretly to the whole world.

I remember a case when one brother had a big problem in his family that he didn't know how to solve, and he shared his trouble at a house church meeting, asking for help. They listened to him attentively, and then someone from those present told his wife that he goes around and complains about her to everyone. And instead of solving the problem, it became so aggravated that only God had the power to solve it all without bringing the family to divorce.

Divorce destroys everything, leaving bitter traces of pain and disappointment after itself. Although in some cases it's unavoidable, and this is also provided by freedom, it's better not to bring affairs to such a decision.

A great blessing in protecting family from various problems and divorces can be family counselors who are appointed by God to determine the true cause, see the root and essence of the problem that has developed, and offer the best way out of the created situation, and then supervise this family in confidential conversations. Usually this is done by not-young people who have their personal experience and experience of many years' observations of other families. As a rule, they'll never tell others about you, but may give an example from your life without naming your names to help other families solve their problems in the best way.

In all other cases, by sharing your problems with outsiders, you risk aggravating them and allowing others' opinions to influence your consciousness.

Wounded feelings and bitterness of offense can prompt a person to open their family's secrets to anyone who first meets them, but don't hurry to pour out to an outsider what they don't need to know. It will become easier for you, but whether this will bring good to your family, you don't know.

If you have a friend who loves at all times and appears as a brother in time of misfortune, and always turns to God, casting all their own and your cares on Him, being guided by God's methods, then rejoice and thank God for such a blessing, but always put God as the priority of your confidential stories. And God knows how to help you, directly or using your friend's abilities.

And let everything be done with love.

1. Please read Ephesians 5:31-33; Genesis 1:28-31; 2:18-25; Matthew 19:5-6; Ecclesiastes 9:8; Psalm 31:4; Proverbs 13:3; 20:19; 22:28; 24:30-31; Deuteronomy 27:17; Leviticus 19:16 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. Is it revealed to you through the example of earthly family how the Heavenly family is arranged? Have you thought about this?

5. Is it important to understand that God is the Inventor of family unions, however strange they may seem to us?

6. What is closed family territory? How to determine its boundaries?

7. What are family secrets needed for?

8. Should you tell everyone about your own and others' family problems?

9. Do you need to tell God that something in your family is not happening as you would like?

10. What to do with curious friends who want to know more about my family than I want to tell them?

11. What spheres of family life should always be closed from everyone?

12. What to do if you keep your family secrets, but your other half shares them with everyone?

13. How does a family counselor differ from a neighbor?

14. Is it worth turning to family counselors for help if you can't solve some questions yourself? Won't this be a violation of boundaries?

15. What useful thing did you extract for yourself from this lesson?