Respecting Freedom of Choice in the Family

Very often we speak about the fact that love is respect for a person’s freedom of choice, that such a spirit must also be present in the family, and that this is one of the important components of normal relationships. But how should this be manifested in my life and in my family? For some, this question remains unanswered, even though the mind agrees with such an order of things.

Freedom of choice in the family means that husband and wife have the opportunity to express their preferences, opinions, and make decisions within the framework of family relationships. This includes respecting the individuality of each family member, discussing and working out joint decisions, as well as accepting each other’s boundaries and rights. Freedom of choice contributes to healthy and harmonious relationships in the family. Although husband and wife are the closest people to each other on the whole planet, they still maintain their individuality and may have their own worldview and life values.

Freedom of choice also means the ability to express one’s feelings and emotions, to share one’s needs and desires without fear of condemnation or suppression from other family members. This creates an atmosphere of trust, support, and mutual understanding, which is important for healthy family relationships.

The best example of respect for freedom of choice can be observed in the relationship between God and man. God is the indisputable Authority and Sovereign of all. He is the Supreme Lawgiver of the Universe. All existing laws of nature and morality are established by Him and upheld by His Spirit, regardless of our faith and obedience. Yet the Lord gives us freedom of self-determination, not interfering in our choice of life’s path unless we ask Him.

The first people were created perfect and developed in every way. God’s law was inscribed in their hearts, and when they began to violate God’s commandments, guided by their own choice, no one stopped them. A single small warning would have been enough when the wife entered into dialogue with the serpent, but no one interfered with the freedom of choice of those conversing. When the first woman brought the forbidden fruit to her husband and he ate it, no one prevented them in this matter, even though the whole Universe watched to see what the first people would do. God knew what their disobedience would bring and what it would cost the Creator, but He did not interfere with that wrong choice.

It should be noted that respect for freedom of choice made the way to the tree of knowledge of good and evil free, while the violation of God’s command deprived people of free access to the tree of life. Man could no longer freely partake of the source of blessing, for that way was guarded by an angel with a flaming sword.

Respect for freedom of choice in the family also allows that spouses may prefer a poor model of relationships, which will destroy their happiness, make their life difficult and unbearable, and deprive their hearts of peace. But the dictatorship of goodness will not bring happiness to the home either, although it may preserve discipline and order.

True freedom in family relationships is where the Spirit of God reigns. Without understanding the plan of Salvation and the laws of love in relationships, a selfish person cannot live in harmony with God and with others. The culture of society may shape certain good qualities in the soul and protect it from corruption, but in personal relationships one must have special sensitivity to the needs of another, which a selfish heart cannot have by nature.

Only true love can grant true freedom of choice to family members. Love creates the most favorable atmosphere for communication and decision-making. There is no fear of condemnation from the loving life-partner, no fear of attack or harm. Such an atmosphere contributes to the normal functioning of all the organs of the soul and body. When a person feels safe, then he finds peace and can freely resolve many issues and tasks without fear.

In the ideal family with the right spirit, one can expect right relationships. But we live in a world where evil reigns, and where our mission is to seek new candidates for salvation and, having found them, to draw their souls to Christ and teach them obedience to the truth.

As a result, many family men and women decide to follow Christ and make a covenant with Him through baptism, while their spouses prefer to live as before and change nothing in their lives. Thus, two spirits begin to live in one house, constantly opposing each other. For God, this is a standard situation in which He takes the whole family under special protection for the sake of one of His children, and blesses the entire household through the prayers of the believer, while at the same time teaching His son or daughter to respect the freedom of choice of their unbelieving family members, while treasuring their own freedom from the power of sin, which they receive by faith in Jesus.

Very often believers must struggle, defending their rights to freedom in the family and to the observance of God’s commandments, but the Lord forbids imposing His principles on others against their will.

For example, it was revealed to me that eating unclean food is sin and abomination. And I decided to save my wife from this sin, though she did not see it that way. I threw away all her unclean food from the refrigerator and said that this would no longer have a place in our home. Then I took strict control over all finances and food purchases. I did not explain anything to her, did not ask her opinion, did not inquire into her understanding of the matter, and did not suggest that we study it together and, taking my new convictions into account, find some common solution. My holy dictatorship simply leaves no room for freedom of choice. God does not approve of such an approach, though it may seem to me the right decision.

God’s way of winning hearts is very long and delicate. Sometimes a warning about the consequences of sin may be stern, direct, and sobering, but then begins a prolonged process of teaching, during which love takes into account a person’s abilities and does not force them to live by the letter of the law, but seeks to inscribe the spirit of God’s law into the heart, so that a person understands why it is better to live this way and freely chooses the better path.

Freedom in love also includes the opportunity for each family member to develop as a person, making decisions that correspond to their own goals, interests, and needs. This means supporting and encouraging the self-realization and self-expression of each family member, as well as creating conditions for the discovery of potential and the achievement of personal goals and dreams.

I respect the one I love and always take his or her opinion into account, because I understand that this person may see life differently from me, and perhaps this will also change my worldview. We all influence each other, and love in this influence can lead us to unity and like-mindedness, though independently from each other.

Love feels boundaries even in the closest relationships and does not violate them. It respects another’s point of view and shows the advantages of new perspectives, if they do not contradict God’s truth.

1. Please read 2 Corinthians 3:17; 1 John 4:18; Galatians 5:1,13-17; 1 Corinthians 8:9; John 8:32,36; Psalm 71:1-3; 119:45; Isaiah 58:6-8; Luke 4:18-19; James 1:22-25; 1 John 5:1 in the light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. What is freedom?

5. What is freedom of choice in the family?

6. Can a person be free without Christ?

7. Can believing husband and wife be unfree? In what ways can this lack of freedom manifest itself?

8. Are love and freedom of choice something in common?

9. How do you understand 1 Corinthians 7:29 in light of our lesson: “But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none”?

10. If I respect someone else’s freedom, should I expect that my freedom of choice will also be respected?

11. Is there a risk in giving freedom of choice that the wrong path will be chosen?

12. Should we force another person to do what we consider good and right?

13. Is resentment an enemy of all freedom?

14. How can we determine if everyone in our family has freedom of choice?

15. What should we do if we do not know what freedom of choice is and are accustomed to living under the dictatorship of each other’s opinions?

16. How can a person who is dependent on the opinion of others be set free?