Freedom of Choice in My Family

Freedom of choice in my family begins long before marriage. Only a truly free person can give genuine freedom to another. And it is always important to understand that my freedom is not permissiveness that allows me to sin, but the free choice of a path on which I can express my love and obedience within the framework of God’s law.

The enemy of the soul offers his so-called freedom, which is nothing other than a life in sin. Sin does not liberate but enslaves my will under the power of lawlessness. Because of the increase of lawlessness, love in me grows cold, and its place is taken by the carnal nature and fear.

By deciding to dedicate my life to Christ and choosing Him as the Husband of my will, I allow God’s love to teach me Heavenly principles and to cast out all fear from my heart. Through faith in Jesus, I receive complete freedom from the power of sin while living in absolute dependence on God and His power within me. Thanks to this, I skillfully resist the spirit of Satan, the temptations of this world, and my carnal nature, which try to plunge me into the slavery of sin and deprive me of my right to Eternity.

I know firsthand what sin is like inside, and how it attracts, promising many desirable pleasures. Yet the love of Christ has freed me from this satanic power and has given me true freedom.

Observing with what respect the Lord treats my decision, allowing me to choose any path while advising the best, I learn how I should also treat other people by respecting their opinions.

When choosing a life partner, I was guided not by a direct command from above about whom to take as my helper, but by listening to my heart, to sound reason, while also studying the advice of wise people and the Spirit of Prophecy, and not forgetting to pray.

And when that special person appeared in my life, who in a unique way conquered my heart, I did not deprive her of freedom of choice, but expressed my feelings of sympathy and my desire to become her friend, giving her the opportunity to decide for herself what to do in this situation. I do not know the heart and thoughts of my chosen one. I do not know her past, her tastes, and her views on life. And if at first I loved the outward appearance, then in the process of close acquaintance I discovered the inner world of this soul, which turned out to be the complete opposite of me and my views. But this did not repel me; on the contrary, it attracted me.

In friendship and communication with the one who wished to become my new friend, we are free to decide whether to develop our relationship toward building a family, to stop and remain friends, or to part ways like ships in the sea.

By choosing a friend, we allow him or her to dive deeper into our hearts and to discover those hidden talents that await their first explorer, who has a genuine interest in the uncharted source of the soul — a friend who will not be afraid to bring to light the hidden talents and treasures of the heart in order to enrich us both.

As a result, we get to know each other so well that we realize — there is no avoiding marriage. But even as we stand before the altar, we hear the pastor who has decided to unite us ask whether we agree to take each other as life companions. And we still have the freedom to say “yes” or to decline.

A new family imposes certain obligations on us that we must fulfill toward one another, being free to choose the time and manner of fulfilling them. My freedom of choice does not relieve me of the responsibility to care for my wife and to do what is expected of me. By choosing God’s daughter as my wife, I gave a promise to her Heavenly Father that I would love her in every situation of life and care for her under all circumstances and moods. I am free to choose another path — the path of self-indulgence and selfishness — but that is the path of death, and I prefer the path of love, happiness, and friendship.

Of course, our family life begins with intimate relations, which are not customary to discuss with others. Yet I will tell you that even in this, we respect one another’s freedom and moods, always asking if it is the right time to develop intimacy in order to receive the desired blessing. Here, we must be guided not only by spontaneous feelings but also by the principles of purity and holiness.

In terms of food, we have different tastes and habits toward certain products. These do not change in a single day, and sometimes one has to sacrifice personal desires to eat what is not exactly to one’s liking, while pretending to enjoy it. But with time, we adapt to our shared kitchen and identify the foods and recipes that nourish and strengthen our bodies and please us both.

Yet even in such unity, if I begin preparing something for the family, I first ask whether my wife will eat it or if I should make it just for myself. And my wife likewise always asks me what I would like to have for lunch.

When one of us decides to take time for fasting and prayer to discuss questions with God, we grant each other that right and do not disturb one another.

In union with the best and most beloved person, I always have many different tasks and concerns that I prefer to resolve only with Jesus, laying upon Him many things that are beyond my strength.

In the pursuit of truth, we have agreed to study the same works so that we may later discuss what we have heard or read together, but this does not obligate us to act only in this way, and each may learn what is needed at the given time.

In our family we have one faith. We are members of the same church and believe in one God. But if my wife decides to change her convictions and reconsider these matters, she has complete freedom to do so, though this does not deprive me of the right to pray for her and to offer her the better way.

We study the laws of health together, but we do not use them to strike each other. Rather, we allow each to personally choose the lifestyle that is acceptable to the other, and then we adjust to one another. If I enjoy skiing, and my wife prefers walking, I am free to find other skiing enthusiasts and sometimes spend time with them. And if my wife decides to take sewing classes or organize a club of her own interests, which I am not drawn to, I do not oppose her involvement in it.

My work in construction is not the most desired profession for my beloved, yet she does not object to me earning a living this way. She always asks me to be careful and prays for my safety.

When disagreements arise between us on various issues, we do not quarrel but grant each other the right to retain personal opinions or we strive to clarify and find the best solution.

In choosing our friends, we also have freedom, while ensuring that these friendships do not destroy our family. It is not always interesting for me to be in the company of my wife’s friends and listen to their discussions of new dishes, so I am free to find an activity in the garage or something else useful.

All our freedom and respect for each other’s choices is based on our mutual love for each other and for God, which has made us free and loving spouses.

1. Please read 1 Pet. 3:7; Gen. 2:16-17; Isa. 30:20-21; Rev. 3:18; Gal. 5:1, 13-14; 2 Cor. 3:17; 1 Sam. 12:22-23; Jer. 6:16; Prov. 16:29; John 8:31-36; 14:6; 1 Cor. 7:23; Matt. 24:12; Rom. 7:2 in light of this lesson.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this topic?

4. What is the difference between true freedom and permissiveness?

5. Does freedom release married people from their family responsibilities?

6. Does my freedom in Christ give me the right to live in sin?

7. Is the dominion over the wife mentioned in Gen. 3:16 a voluntary slavery into which the woman gives herself?

8. Can the absence of love in a family make those people free?

9. In what way does love free the mind, and what freedom does it give others?

10. Are you free to leave a loving person or to live with him further?

11. Why are loving people more often hated and “bitten” than the powerful and dictatorial?

12. Do you see the similarity between Jesus’ love for you and how a husband should treat his wife?

13. Do you think love and freedom will simply come into your family if you only decide to have them but make no effort to grow and establish them?

14. What advantage does freedom give in family relationships?

15. Are you free in your family? If so, from what?