Obedience in Love

The obedience that God expects from me should not be based on fear of punishment, on blind and thoughtless submission to His will, or on a desire to receive the highest reward. Although all these factors may be present in the educational process, they are not God's desired instrument and means for achieving the goal of submitting my will to God's. Although God has enough strength and means to punish sinners, to humble the proud, and to convince the stubborn, this is an extreme measure that does not solve the problem of sin at the heart level, but very clearly shows what consequences an ungodly lifestyle entails.

The most striking example of God's punishment was the waters of the flood. They allowed people to reap what they had sown, but this, although it humbled all pride, did not make sinners righteous and did not teach them unconditional love.

Obedience from love is a sincere expression of heartfelt attachment and a desire to please the one you love, to fill their heart with joy and understanding of their value and significance to you. In love there is no fear of punishment, but there is fear of causing pain through your disobedience or of causing grief to the one with whom you have friendly relations, and whom you love with all your soul.

In raising a child we deal with a strong will that cannot yet distinguish good from evil and respond to love with love, but which from birth has egocentric settings and categorically meets any discomfort, injustice, pressure or violence from the outside. If this will is suppressed by a stronger parental will, then one needs to understand what awaits such educators in the future. This can lead to rebellion, turning into open revolt, when your child becomes a teenager and will already decide for themselves how to live. Or this can lead to a broken psyche, when a person becomes a spiritual abuser or victim who will be used for selfish purposes or on whom people will wipe their feet. Or evil will become the norm of life for a person, and not something bad.

Of course, there are many exceptions when a crippled soul finds God and receives healing in the rays of His love, and we see such examples of transformation in God's church. But is it necessary to bring a soul to such a state?

Obedience in love is not permissiveness in a friendly atmosphere, but conscious perception of God's will, which is revealed in constant wise instruction from godly parents and encouraged by their good words and personal example in a spirit of meekness and patience.

Jesus taught that we, being evil, know how to give good gifts to our children (Matt. 7:11). But the consequences of such upbringing will be catastrophic for the soul, and there is no guarantee that this soul will be saved for Eternity.

Although God's grace is able to correct much in the heart and heal the soul, will this soul have the desire and faith to come to God for this healing?

A family in which they speak about God, pray to Him, observe His laws, but do not have mutual love, bears distorted testimony about the One who is Love.

In any army there exists the concept of discipline, and that army in which there are no iron rules suffers huge losses and decomposes within itself. But military discipline has other goals and shows no mercy to violators. But when a disciplined serviceman finds himself in a free environment where he can be himself, and the punishing sword of military regulations does not hang over him, then he can show the true face of a "free" person who, it turns out, is not free from the influence of sin.

Love that lives in the heart of parents will necessarily wisely manifest itself in raising their children. My wife and I, having learned to love each other, cannot relate differently to those whom the Lord will give us to raise.

Love knows how to boldly meet all children's whims and attacks and choose the most suitable methods of influence and impact without suppressing the will.

For example, a mother asks her daughter to clean up her toys, but the three-year-old girl demonstratively says "No" and goes about her business. If the mother begins to force the child to perform the required task through threats of punishment or through physical pressure, not backing down, then in this relationship a conflict arises between the mother's will and the daughter's, in which the mother achieves the desired result, and the daughter suffers defeat and harbors resentment because of such violence. And someday the daughter will pour out all her indignation on the mother in an unpredictable form.

But if the mother, in response to the daughter's refusal to tidy up, herself cleaned up the toys, and then, calling the child to her, explained how bad it is to be a disobedient girl and imposed punishment on the daughter, which she carried out, then in this case there was no conflict of will. The mother respectfully accepted the child's protest and punished the daughter for disobedience, explaining with love why she is forced to take such extreme measures. The daughter understands that her disobedience was the cause of the punishment, but her will did not suffer in the process. No one humiliated her.

Love knows how to find a wise approach in achieving proper discipline. It respects the opinion of another, but at the same time feels when children's selfishness strives for primacy, and gives it no chances for this.

Love is not permission for a child to do everything they want, but wise control of all the little one's actions within the framework of their safety and in accordance with God's requirements. Love successfully suppresses all children's rebellions, leaving no seeds of rebellion in the child's heart. Any attempt to suppress disobedience with the help of physical force or age superiority violates the will and sows seeds of rebellion in the child's heart, which will necessarily sprout and make themselves known after many years.

It is important to understand that love's victory is not achieving a quick result of obedience here and now, but a long-term upbringing project that purposefully leads the child's will to personal victory over the power of evil and conscious choice of the path of good. And life in the parental home helps the son or daughter to clearly see the advantage of righteousness and the consequences of disobedience.

The greater the authority of parents in the eyes of their children, the less this authority manifests itself during critical trials. Love knows how to protect and support parental authority without infringing on children's rights. Children depend on father and mother, although sometimes it seems to them that they are the most important in the world. However, parental love helps them come down from the pedestal of their imagination and do what adults ask them to do.

Any requirement or rule should not be expressed in a harsh and rude form, like the words: "Didn't you hear what I said!" or "How many times do I have to repeat this to you!" It is best that any requirements or objections to a disobedient child be based on mutual sympathy and respect.

Look into your heart. Is it pleasant for you when your boss yells at you or calls you bad names, even if you did something wrong? I think you are not very happy with such violence. And what do children feel?

Gentle instruction with good words, but firm principles, is much more willingly received by the ear than harsh and angry remarks.

1. Please read Prov. 25:15; Col. 3:20; 1 Cor. 13:4-8; Rev. 3:19; Jer. 3:22; Rom. 6:17; Phil. 2:12; Philem. 1:22; Heb. 2:2; 1 Pet. 1:14; Mic. 5:15 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. What is obedience in love?

5. What is obedience from love?

6. Should parents who want to have obedient children treat them with love?

7. How does obedience from fear differ from obedience from love?

8. How does the Lord raise His children? Are you obedient to Him from fear or from love, or disobedient altogether?

9. How to determine if I am obedient to God?

10. Do you think the promise from Luke 1:16-17 will be fulfilled in our days as well?

11. What does it mean to "follow the Lamb wherever He goes"? Rev. 14:3.

12. When the Lord advises me something, does He expect my obedience in following this advice? Rev. 3:18.

13. Why does the Lord love, rebuke and punish those who are obedient to Him, and not touch the disobedient? Rev. 3:19.

14. Should we strive for obedience from rebellious children or let them live as they want?