Boundaries of Obedience

One of the laws of happy life is the rule: "I am obedient." When some requirement is put forward in a harsh form, as an order that does not tolerate objections and violations, then a strong will is inclined to resist, be indignant and go against such orders. And if one has to submit from fear, then in fear there is torment. Boundaries for children's behavior in the family can be established rigidly and authoritatively, which will bring order, but will not give the child a sense of security. They will be tormented by pangs of conscience and fear of punishment, which can lead to serious problems in the psyche.

Any law or requirement must have executive power that will quickly identify the violator and punish them for disobedience. Without such power, every rule takes the form of a recommendatory nature, regardless of what tone it sounds in.

In an amazing way, understanding of what and when can be done, and what should not be, is already embedded in the child's consciousness. They so keenly feel the intonation of voice and facial expressions of their parents that they do not need additional explanations when something is forbidden to them. But sinful nature is always inclined to resist prohibitions, and it explores those boundaries within which parental instructions can be violated. This boundary may be a more raised tone or physical intervention by parents who take the child in their arms and do not give them the opportunity to continue moving in the wrong direction. These may be sharp orders to stop the violation or appropriate punishment for open disobedience. The child goes to the end, trying to understand where that line is located, beyond which it is better not to go, and when they have determined this extreme point, they can behave calmly within these boundaries, even if this boundary is the mother's hysterical screaming. In essence, parents themselves set these boundaries within which their children can do everything they please.

When a child has just learned to walk, they are inclined to poke into all cracks, touch everything and study everything. And many prohibitions are incomprehensible to them, because the surrounding world is so interesting, and there is so much toilet paper that it can be pulled for a very long time, and it does not end. At such an age, wise parents close all cabinets and doors that it is undesirable for the child to open, and if they found something and began to study it, then they can easily be moved to another place.

But when this little citizen has learned to speak and can understand and analyze what they are told, they already become responsible for their behavior and must bear the consequences of their disobedience.

Let's take an example of one of the boundaries. At a certain time, the daughter needs to go to sleep. But she has so many interesting things to do that she decides not to pay attention to mother's rules and continues to solve her little problems. Mother already repeats her requirement in a raised tone, but the daughter seems not to hear and is busy with more important matters. Mother already very loudly lets it be known that it's time to sleep and everything must be left, or there will be trouble. The daughter says: "Right now, mom" and continues to play her games. And then mother's patience snaps, and she bursts into the children's room with a distorted face and begins very loudly demanding to stop everything and quickly go to bed. The daughter understands that the boundary is close, and pretends that she is already getting ready, reluctantly leaving her important affairs. Mother left with a feeling of victory and went to finish reading the story of friends on the internet. And the daughter calmly continued her games, being in a state of tension. When mother once again looked into the children's room, then an explosion of emotions occurred, and the daughter understood that she had reached the final limit, quickly climbed under the blanket and asked to turn off the light. Mother threatened that next time she would punish her and, extinguishing the lamp, went to her room. What happened in the child's heart? She was finding out that extreme line beyond which it is already undesirable to go. And mother allowed the daughter to establish this boundary as far as possible. Next times the child will test the strength of these restrictions and possibly try to push them even further in mother's direction. And if the mother decides to move the boundary toward the daughter, then she will have to meet lawful resistance and indignation for violating children's rights that mother herself established.

In another case, mother asked the daughter to finish her games and prepare for sleep. The daughter nodded and continued her games. Mother understood that she was ignored and, taking her phone, set a timer on it, saying that the daughter has another 5 minutes to finish her games and start preparing for sleep. After which they parted. When the bell rang, mother immediately entered the children's room and made it clear with her whole appearance that the games were over, and it was time to go to sleep. To all the daughter's statements and requests to play a little more, mother tenderly offered sweet sleep so that in the morning she could continue doing all important things. She began helping to put away toys and talking about the need to go to the toilet and pray before sleep, not making any compromises with the daughter's desires. The firmness of intentions in mother's voice convinced the daughter that here ends the invisible boundary, and she ran to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Perhaps in the future the child will want to move this line in mother's direction, considering mother's busyness with other tasks. But here everything depends on the wisdom and readiness of mother to allow this to the daughter.

In communication between people there exist certain stages and boundaries of what is permitted, determined by them. Even in friendship there are certain boundaries beyond which one cannot go with impunity, although sometimes one so wants to move to closer communication and know more unexplored depths. In relationships with our children we also establish certain boundaries of what is permitted, within which children feel calm and can do what they want. If we do not set these boundaries, then children begin to do this, and they determine those "red lines" beyond which it is better for them not to go. And this is the worst thing that parents can allow children. This will mean that the child can at any time bring the situation to a boiling point and feel safe within these boundaries.

There is another situation when boundaries have unclear outlines. Today the child should behave one way, tomorrow differently, then as they want until they fall asleep from fatigue, then as the parents want, and depending on what mood they are in. In such a case it is difficult for children to decide, and they will rebel against such treatment and behave unpredictably.

God's law, rules and God's commandments determine those boundaries in relationships with Him and between people, within which all society can be safe and engage in what is acceptable and lawful. When these rules do not exist, then anarchy and chaos come, and people themselves must establish their own laws that will divide society into class masters and slaves. This is what the enemy of the soul wants and constantly offers people new prospects of another "ism" that in its root contradicts God's standards and does not bring happiness to people, although it may give some temporary benefits.

1. Please read Ex. 20:1-17; Gen. 2:16-17; 1 Kings 2:36-37; Jer. 5:22; Job 38:8-11; Ps. 104:15; 1 Pet. 1:22 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. What are boundaries of obedience?

5. Why are boundaries needed in relationships?

6. Who should establish boundaries in the family, and where do they go?

7. Are God's commandments those boundaries that are better not to violate?

8. Do commandments protect those who are within their limits?

9. Can certain boundaries be used to punish a child? For example, putting them in a corner for some time?

10. What will happen if when establishing boundaries there is no executive power for control and punishment of violators?

11. What to do if a three-year-old child violates parents' commands and establishes their own rules?

12. What will happen if all boundaries in upbringing are removed and they are not established?

13. Is it necessary to be a strict parent if boundaries are being violated?

14. From what age is it necessary to establish certain boundaries and introduce clear rules?