Gentle Tongue

Among the laws of physics there is Newton's third law, which states that the force of action equals the force of counteraction, which is directed in the opposite direction. There is also the following rule. In the presence of voltage in an electrical circuit, an electric current arises, and this current encounters resistance, depending on the properties of the conductor. Similar principles can be traced in child-rearing, but they have exceptions when love and wisdom are present in instruction on the true path.

If we take the example of Jesus and trace with what love and tenderness He saved the perishing and close to death, but at the same time was principled and merciless in relation to all sin, then we will see in this example a special power capable of changing life and freeing from the power of evil.

The Lord Himself described His mission thus: "Behold! My Servant whom I have chosen, My Beloved in whom My soul is well pleased! I will put My Spirit upon Him, and He will declare justice to the Gentiles. He will not quarrel nor cry out, nor will anyone hear His voice in the streets. A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench, till He sends forth justice to victory; and in His name Gentiles will trust." Matt. 12:18-21.

We also read in Prov. 25:15: "By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone."

In calmness and gentleness there is a special power of influence that is able to overcome any impact and gently touch the strings of a child's soul to teach them to willingly do what their instructors desire. Children more willingly obey requests and gentle instruction than screaming, orders and harsh demands. And this obedience eventually becomes a habit. Even when a child does not understand how another act of obedience will serve their good, but having experience of previous relationships with loving parents, they rely on their wisdom and with childlike trust submit to their authority, thereby evoking parental approval.

Children are the most desperate fighters for justice and feel very well when parents are wrong and when they act with love.

Good, tender and polite words of instruction are understandable and pleasant to the ear at any age and are perceived more willingly than harsh statements. If we take a platform with sand and place a load weighing 10 tons on it, then the sand will sag under this weight, but will not allow this load to fall through itself and will remain dry and loose. But if we create certain boundaries and pour 10 cubic meters of water into them, which weighs the same as the previous load, then we will soon see that all the water quickly went into the sand and left behind a moist surface from which interesting forms and structures can be built.

A child perfectly hears the intonation of a request and well understands when "no" means prohibition, although said with tenderness and love, or when they hear uncertainty, which sounds to them like a recommendation that can be ignored with impunity.

The habit of being obedient to wise parents is not developed in one go, but day by day in strict adherence to parental instructions. And in this sequence parents sometimes experience more tension and problems than their children. Father and mother must be in agreement with each other and keep the bar of discipline at the proper level, regardless of their well-being and mood. Stability in requirements and inviolability of established rules accustom the child to obedience, and they develop their own desire to live in the order they have been taught.

Multiple requests and instructions expressed at once can confuse a child, and they will simply forget what they were told, and will necessarily do something wrong. For example, a mother decided to quickly run to the store for salt and before leaving she gave her little daughter 27 gentle instructions about how to behave in mother's absence. One can be sure that the daughter will be confused, although she will nod her head, and then immediately forget everything she was told, and begin to do what will be interesting to her. In such a case it is better to give the child some one task that will be within their strength and to their liking, and then check how the daughter coped with it.

Politeness and respectful manner of communication opens the child's heart, and the child willingly absorbs all kinds of instructions, and then boasts to parents about their obedience and experiences genuine happiness and satisfaction from having done something useful and pleasant for mom and dad.

There are some children's actions that exceed the child's strength, and they cannot cope with this themselves in the long term, so parents should understand this and choose a different tactic of influence. For example, if a child slouches, stutters or bites their nails, then the prohibition to do this will be unconsciously violated and bring pangs of conscience, but the problem will remain. Therefore, in this case parents need wisdom on how to correct these vices that their child is unable to overcome themselves. And one should not put forward prohibitive requirements on this matter, it is better to come up with activities that will help correct these shortcomings.

Children are very observant and cunning. They quickly understand that their kisses and hugs please you, and therefore will try to use them to achieve lawful violation of some rules or avoid deserved punishment, and then in case of success will take this tactic as their rule. One should not reject their caresses, but at the same time should be strict and principled.

Cunning can also manifest itself in the fact that, having received a prohibition on something from mother, the son runs to father and asks his permission for what mother forbade, without telling his dad about this. And if father allowed it, then he forgets mother's prohibitions and goes to do what dad allowed. As a result, parents have a conflict in which they understand that they were deceived. Such actions must be stopped by asking what the other parent says about this, and making it clear that if mother forbade it, then there is no need to ask for father's permission. This is cunning and deceit, which will be punished.

Also, it is necessary to gently explain to the child that they obey parents not because they want it that way, but because they too are obedient to higher God's authority. And their children are a gift from God, who was given to them for proper upbringing. Children very much like to hear about what the Bible says about children, and about how these children behave in their young years. Understanding that there is higher authority over their parents, they want to understand the requirements of this authority, in order to then determine how obedient their parents are to God. And be sure that your child will not remain silent when they see how you violate God's law and do not attach importance to this. If such reproof takes place, then under no circumstances should you reproach the child for their just statements. It is worth acknowledging your mistake aloud and changing something in your life. After all, God uses your children for your salvation as well. In case you say that it is not for them to teach you, you drop your and God's authority, and the fruits of such influence will be very bitter.

Children understand the language of love, but are very sensitive to injustice.

1. Please read Col. 4:6; Prov. 4:1-6; 15:1; 31:26-28; Isa. 42:1-4; 46:3-4; 49:15; Rom. 12:9-10; 1 Thess. 2:7; 1 Tim. 3:2-5; Heb. 5:13-14 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. What is a gentle tongue, and why does it break a bone?

5. Does everyone like respectful and polite treatment?

6. Why do children respond more willingly to requests than to orders?

7. What power is hidden in calmness and gentle attitude?

8. How does the Lord raise us? Is He gentle with us?

9. Has the Lord revealed Himself to you as a gentle whisper of wind? 1 Kings 19:11-12.

10. Is a gentle tongue something that every parent possesses, or is it a character trait that reflects the state of the heart?

11. Is a gentle tongue a gift of the Holy Spirit?

12. How do children know that gentleness is good, and a harsh or abusive voice is bad?

13. Is loud talking an expression of indignation?

14. What is the victory of love and gentleness?