Self-Control

Self-control is a child's ability to control their passions, appetite, instincts, emotions and negative feelings in difficult stressful situations that may arise within the heart or come from outside. This is conscious control of one's behavior, based on a clear understanding of what is happening, and the ability to manage one's reaction, making a choice in favor of good, which they were taught by their parents.

Self-control is not an innate property of the soul, but it is that important character trait that is instilled in the parental home from early years of life and consistently developed and formed in an atmosphere of love. In fear of punishment, screaming or accusation, the child's will becomes constrained, and this hinders the natural development of many useful qualities of the soul.

It is written in Prov. 16:32: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." Self-control distinguishes humans from animals and speaks of the supremacy in their character of will and reason over base qualities of the soul. Self-control is a fundamental principle that should be laid by parents from the moment of birth and developed under their control.

The personal example of father and mother in their patient and principled behavior is the best model for imitation, and it is easy for children to understand what their parents want from them. One can demand from a child what one does not possess oneself, but it is unlikely that the expected result will be achieved.

Our child, like ourselves, is subject to attacks from internal carnal influences. They are also open to external attacks from various sources, and our task includes teaching this little person in a spirit of patience, forgiveness and self-possession. This quality of soul does not arise naturally if parents do not control children's behavior and explain how it is better to behave in one case or another.

There are children who are naturally calm and less susceptible to stressful situations, but they too need wise instruction. Very active and curious children face much greater trials of their patience and must be under constant supervision of their guardians.

Teaching a child self-control is a lengthy process that requires parental experience, patience and wisdom from above. All this is necessary to make one's child a worthy citizen of both earthly and Heavenly Kingdom.

The very first lessons of upbringing begin from the moment of the baby's birth through caring for their physical needs. An established routine of feeding, bathing, changing clothes has proper influence and brings into the infant's mind awareness of stability on which they can count. This accustoms them to submit to circumstances and show patience in allowing care for themselves. And the gentle tone of voice of their parents brings the child's emotional world into harmony with the world of their father and mother. Gentle direction of the baby's desires and whims accustoms them to submission to parental will. This lays the foundation for subsequent lessons in self-control.

Unconditional parental love and their principled approach to established orders and daily routine protect the little person from unnecessary fears and give them freedom for full and comprehensive creative development.

Parental example stands at the foundation of upbringing, and the home atmosphere of love has its influence on the infant's mind from the first days of life. Although the child does not yet understand the meaning of words, they sense the atmosphere of love, respect and self-control of their parents and siblings. The spirit of relationships is transmitted to them, and they feel safe, which brings peace.

Parents should voice the child's negative emotions, calling them by name and giving them negative assessment. For example: "You are angry now, and this is sin." Or: "You are upset. Let's establish the cause and figure out where this came from." Although the child may be capricious in response to such statements, a wise approach will have proper influence, and next time these instructions will come to their memory.

If I know how to overcome another negative emotion in one situation or another, then I can present my experience of victory to the child as well, explaining to them how I overcome irritation when something similar happens in my life. The presence of humor and good nature in my words will be able to capture children's attention much faster and help them learn lessons of restraint, and my experience of victory will remain forever in the memory of the young student and help them in the next trial, when I explain what ways of expressing emotions are acceptable in my life and which are not.

One should not idealize oneself, but one needs to admit that there were mistakes in my life too, when I was learning self-control, and therefore I understand what is happening in the child's heart.

Praise, encouragement and joy over another victory of good over the child's evil feelings will strengthen them in this victory and inspire future overcoming of obstacles and formation of this skill.

It is always better to teach children victories before the battle comes. This can be done in the form of a game or lively discussion, where it is necessary to lead the little ones with your questions to the right answer, so that they themselves say what reaction would be better, and explain why it would be good this way and not otherwise. The habit of discussing various reactions to emotions in advance will help recognize temptation and resist it.

It is also necessary to teach children to develop patience and postpone their reaction until their turn comes. This helps abstain from instant reactions and plan responses with the prospect of more significant results.

Changing the type of activity can also instill the habit of replacing negative reaction with more useful work and divert consciousness to more significant things.

Prayer plays a huge role in teaching self-control, awareness of Divine intervention in the situation and faith in help from above. We are only co-workers with God, to whom He has entrusted the upbringing of a worthy person. Without us He will do nothing, and without Him we cannot resist the forces of evil in this world. But the most important thing we can do for our children is to teach them to have personal relationships with Christ and learn good manners from the Savior Himself, turning to Him for help and achieving victories with Him.

Repeatedly I have witnessed when our little daughter would bow in prayer and ask Jesus to help her with her little questions, and then joyfully share with us how the Lord answered her prayers. And the Lord really answers and has fellowship with children who turn to Him with faith and ask Him for much.

We and God are that force before which no child can resist, but this force does not cripple the child's will, but forms it in harmony with God's principles and features of parental influence.

Explain to your children that all evil comes from the enemy of the soul and that with God's help one can resist this influence and achieve victory.

Examples from the childhood and youth of Jesus and how He overcame all sin also help our children act and react accordingly. Children want to be like those they look up to, so let their parents and God be the best example for them to follow.

1. Please read Gal. 5:22; Deut. 6:4-9; Ex. 34:6; Ps. 86:15; Prov. 14:29; 15:18; 16:32; Eccl. 7:8; Lam. 3:26; Luke 8:15; 21:19 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. What is self-control?

5. Are self-control and patience the same thing, or are there differences?

6. Give examples of Jesus's self-control?

7. Is self-control an innate character trait?

8. Can it be considered correct that life itself will teach a child to control their spirit?

9. In what spheres of life can self-control help us?

10. If I see a spirit of intemperance in myself, should I start learning self-control?

11. What benefit does a patient spirit bring?

12. Why is it written about love that it is long-suffering (1 Cor. 13:4)? Is this really so?

13. What to do if something or someone irritates me and drives me out of myself?

14. Why is parents' reaction to one event or another a convincing example for their children to follow?