Personal Example of Self-Control

The biggest mistake in the incorrect formation of a child's character is the behavior of the parents themselves. A child, although inheriting some carnal inclinations from nature, does not have life experience for their conscious application, and when certain conditions are created for the manifestation of children's selfishness, they will not be slow to appear. If parents, due to their incompetence or busyness, do not pay attention to the clearly expressed negative emotions of their child, then these carnal inclinations very quickly establish themselves in the consciousness of the little person, and then they are quite difficult, and sometimes impossible to eradicate.

The best and main example of teaching self-control is the life of father and mother and their reaction to one irritant or another. Before teaching a child some good manners, it is necessary to accept them oneself or at least know what they are and what is needed for this. Children, without realizing it, become teachers of their parents, forcing the latter to engage in more careful study of upbringing issues and change many of their negative habits so as not to pass this spirit on to their children.

Observing young families throughout life, I noticed how the character of newlyweds changes when children appear in their family. Girls, becoming mothers, gain more wisdom and prudence. They thoughtfully approach solving many problems, and their heart and attention are always where their child is. Sometimes you mentally wish many superficial girls would give birth soon, because this event will help them reevaluate and change much in their lives.

We adults are inclined to make many decisions impulsively, but impulse clearly demonstrates the absence of self-control and reason in such an approach. Our war with the spirits of wickedness in heavenly places has a completely different nature and tactics of victory. The good influence that one wanted to exert with one's response is very quickly neutralized by the presence of an unclean spirit, which constantly offers its carnal services with quick results. But one should think and look into the future. Will a quick "victory" here and now bring blessing to the subsequent life of the child and their parents?

Loud voice, screaming, irritation are clear manifestations of an unclean spirit with which parents try to solve complex problems in raising children. But this breaks the child's will and teaches them similar behavior, which may not manifest immediately. Have you met irritable and hot-tempered people? If you try to understand the root cause of such their attitude to life, then most likely the beginning of this was laid in the parental home. They even say, if you want to understand what your bride will be like, look at her mother's behavior.

Also, calm and prudent people did not become so by nature. They were made so by the upbringing of their wise parents. Of course, one should not discard the influence of bad associations, worldly schools and peers, but the example of father and mother forms the basis and lays the foundation for further behavior.

And to avoid negative consequences, parents should start with themselves and with relationships between themselves.

A quiet and calm voice, having firmness and confidence in intonation, is the most effective means in addressing a child's reason. Sometimes this voice can reach a whisper, but pursue a specific goal—to solve the problem by God's method of influence. Unconditional love also sounds in the mother's voice, and the child hears this with their heart, although they may be under the influence of another spirit.

Such a communication skill is quickly absorbed by young consciousness and forms a habit of obedience and imitation. And after the storm, when parents begin to explain how well-behaved children should behave, it is not difficult for the child to understand what is expected of them, because they have an example of their parents' self-control.

No matter how we protect our children from mistakes, there will always be moments when they break, smash or spoil something without malicious intent. My wife and I discussed these issues and decided not to scold our daughter for such things, but to react calmly and bear the material consequences of such cases. And there were plenty of them both due to our lack of foresight and due to our daughter's excessive activity. And the first impulse was the desire to shout loudly: "How could you!!!" But we had to restrain our emotions and look for the cause in ourselves: "How did I allow the child to do this?" For example, a glass with a drink was placed on the edge of the table in a zone where the child could easily hit it. Or when shopping in the store, the stroller with the child was very close to the counter with vases. The noise from breaking dishes was audible to our daughter too, and she was always very interested to observe how beautiful objects beautifully flew to the floor and turned into beautiful piles of garbage. And we had to become acrobats to save another object from the trash, and then we had to explain that this is "oh-oh-oh," and one needs to be more careful. Sometimes our patience could not stand it, and we had to go to another room to come to our senses. But we were learning self-control, not yet understanding how important it is to show it in upbringing.

No matter how it may seem to you that your self-control was in vain, and you needed to sharply stop the child's wrong behavior, be sure that the good seed of your calmness example sown will bring good fruit in its time and provide invaluable help in the future. A good example is also very contagious and implies logical explanation of your behavior. Showing calmness and restraint, a parent should look not at the current situation, but at how this influence will be useful in the future, and what blessings it will bring in many years.

While the child has not yet learned to speak, children's crying or weeping is their natural communication with their parents. Father and mother need to learn to distinguish these sounds and understand their cause. If this is caused by their legitimate needs, then they should be satisfied immediately. If this is related to pain, then this needs to be seen. If crying is caused by whim or self-will, then it is necessary to react correctly to this. This is also the first lessons in self-control.

The baby's crying does not please their parents, and attempts are immediately made to neutralize this noise. But the child is very perceptive, and if they understand that in this way they can achieve their goals, they will begin to manipulate their parents, and the parents will simply have nowhere to go, believing that prolonged crying cripples the child's psyche.

Initially, when raising their voice loudly, the child does not plan to manipulate parents, but seeing their reaction, they take note that this is an effective means for achieving the desired, and begin to strengthen their influence, losing control over themselves. Here parental understanding of the child's true needs and correct reaction to such expression of will is necessary.

For a child, their crying is an effort that they need to apply to get what they need. If a small effort is not enough, then it needs to be multiplied. And they came to this based on previous experience of getting what they wanted. And parents wonder where this comes from.

1. Please read James 1:5-7; Prov. 7:32-33; 19:8; Luke 9:39; Eph. 4:30-32; Ex. 2:6; Ps. 84:7; Matt. 5:4; Luke 7:13; Col. 3:20; 1 Pet. 1:14; Rev. 21:4 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. Is a child's crying or weeping something negative that needs to be fought?

5. What do you experience when you hear the crying of other people's children who disturb your peaceful life?

6. Do you think Jesus cried and screamed when He was an Infant?

7. Do you think heaven sees us as crying and screaming children?

8. Does the Lord carry us in His arms when we begin to be capricious and cry?

9. Why does a child's crying sometimes get out of their control and turn into hysteria that is difficult to stop?

10. Do you have experience of how to fight a child's hysteria?

11. Do children throw tantrums in families where dictatorship and violence reign?

12. Does the Lord help find the best solution in comforting a child when all usual methods don't help?

13. What will happen to a child if parents satisfy all their whims?

14. What do you experience when you see how other people's children stage public concerts, and their parents indulge them and make concessions?

15. Did you see in this a hint about us as spiritual children in our relationship to Heaven?