Child Punishment

No other form of upbringing causes as much dispute, contradiction and disagreement among parents as child punishment. Believing people immediately quote from memory the well-known verse from Prov. 13:24: "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly." This is very useful advice inspired by God, which we will also consider, but this advice requires special wisdom from parents in its correct application.

Punishment is a certain form of influence on a child, through which correction of their behavior occurs, leading to obedience and performance of expected actions. It can be: — corporal, with causing physical pain; — psychological, with expression of displeasure, deserved reproaches and reprimands; — deprivation of freedom of movement, when the guilty party is put in a corner or seated on a chair; — deprivation of games, walks, entertainment, when access to these activities is closed for limited time; — natural consequence, when a child decides to touch a hot iron or kettle contrary to parents' prohibitions and becomes convinced that this is very painful; — deprivation of children's property, when a child broke their toy and doesn't receive another in return; — emotional, when parents conduct explanatory conversations, explaining what is good and what is bad; — spiritual, when children are explained God's attitude toward sin and taught to see their actions in light of the Bible.

It's important to understand that the goal of any punishment is not to cause harm to the child or humiliate them, but to help them correct their wrong behavior and understand the connection between a bad deed and its consequence. Punishment should help the child develop self-control in their character and awaken in them natural striving for correction of their wrong desires and actions. Any punishment not corresponding to this goal is ineffective, and sometimes harmful, and can bring more harm than benefit.

It's important to distinguish forms of punishment and not make them universal for all cases. It's also necessary to consider the child's age and their understanding of what's happening.

The very first rule for determining punishment is the presence of law or established order in the family that is voiced and conveyed to young consciousness.

If you start scolding a five-month-old baby for wetting diapers and not asking for the potty that stands nearby, then this will not be a wise action on your part. This person doesn't yet have sufficiently developed reason to evaluate your requirements and follow them.

The second basic rule for parents: punishment should not be done impulsively, under the influence of "righteous anger" or in a state of irritation.

I immediately want to state that corporal punishment of a child is an extreme and undesirable measure that shouldn't be resorted to for any reason. It's important to set your heart on the desire to seek other types of discipline and influence on consciousness. Such attitudes will preserve your relationships with children from destructive consequences that can occur as a result of the situation getting out of control. Especially considering that state laws protect the physical inviolability of children, one can very easily and quickly lose those household members who are very dear to you and whom you love greatly.

Parents need wisdom from above to determine their authority in the sphere of punishment, as well as understanding of which method of upbringing will be more effective for which violation.

It's desirable, if appropriate, to learn to punish children long before they appear. One can invent different types of disobedience or self-will, then measures of discipline, practice them between spouses and discuss their effectiveness together. Although this will be theory, diverse repetition and premature reflection on this process teaches parents patience, self-control, self-possession, and it will be easy for them to remember and apply in practice what they studied.

It's completely wrong to apply the same punishment for different offenses. If a child breaks toys, lies, screams, doesn't react to remarks, and for this they are always put in a corner, then this can lead their young heart to fear of making mistakes, and they will be lost in guessing what they're doing wrong. And if parents show inconsistency, being guided in punishment by their mood, sometimes punishing and sometimes not paying attention, then this will inevitably lead the little person to rebellion, in which they will demand justice in relation to themselves.

Any punishment should be thought out and done not from a sense of revenge or malice, but from unconditional love for one's child, who is dear to you to such an extent that it will be easier for you to punish them than to indulge them in their misconduct.

Love is a combination of mercy and justice. If one of these qualities is removed from upbringing, then these will be destructive extremes that will cause more evil than good.

If father or mother don't know how best to react to a child's behavior or misdeeds, then one shouldn't take emergency measures based on emotions. But one also shouldn't delay punishment if there was obvious violation.

In each case an individual approach is needed, explanation of guilt, understanding of the child's feelings and their emotional state.

There are various types of disobedience or rule violation. During the period of learning about the surrounding world, one needs to watch more that children don't cause harm to themselves and household property, and it's inappropriate to punish them for something. Although even at a very young age they understand well that there is something that cannot be done. But when intellect awakens in them, and their will can choose their life path and behavior model, then parents should work hard.

There is a proven and demonstrated fact that those parents who engage in raising their offspring from the very swaddling clothes and wisely, with love, apply all possible types of punishment, subsequently don't need to make much effort in achieving discipline and order. Children who are punished with love and wisdom are under the protection of their home and highly value this parental work. They willingly cooperate with parents in this process.

It also happens that they themselves can invent punishment for themselves and humbly accept and undergo it, understanding that it's deserved and needs to be borne.

Children are very discerning in their unwritten rights. They know what they need and how they should be treated. Children greatly value justice and are sincere in their struggle for their rights and freedom. If parents don't set boundaries for them, then children themselves establish these fences where they are allowed to do so, and they will always test the strength of these boundaries, trying to understand how they can be moved toward parents.

We deal not with little people who understand nothing, but with personalities in whom infinite development potential is laid, and we need to set the right direction for this endless energy of strength and will. And the sooner we understand this and learn to set the course for their development, the easier and more interesting it will be for us to live with these unique people.

1. Please read Rev. 3:19-20; Heb. 12:6; Prov. 3:11-12; 19:18; Ex. 20:4-7; Deut. 24:16; 1 Chr. 21:9-10; Job 5:17; Ps. 6:1; 118:18; 141:5 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. What is punishment?

5. Does the Lord give us examples of His punishment?

6. What would punishment without mercy look like?

7. Will child punishment be effective if it's done in anger or in a burst of evil feelings?

8. In what cases does punishment bring benefit, and in what cases harm?

9. Should punishing parents have self-control and understanding of what needs to be undertaken?

10. Why should punishments be different for different actions?

11. What to do if a child asks for forgiveness during punishment?

12. What types of punishment do you know? And which of them are more effective than others?

13. Should punishment keep a child in fear and deprive them of joy in life?

14. Is it important that children understand they are loved during punishment?