Types of Punishment

When you begin to speak to parents about the importance of punishment, about the wisdom and justice of this activity, then you hope that they develop understanding of responsibility before God and children, but it's also necessary to convey to consciousness that punishment is not only the rod or corner, but also many other methods that help the child realize direct connection between disobedience and natural consequences of such behavior.

For the very first offense of disobedience, the boy and girl were punished by being forbidden to eat fruits from the Tree of Life and allowed to see with their own eyes what sin leads to and how it subsequently affects descendants.

God did not beat our forefathers. He simply limited their access to the place where they were happy. But at the same time the Lord assured them of His love and gave them hope for salvation and their return to their Homeland.

Punishment should correspond to the type of violation, be a natural cause, convey to the violator's consciousness information about the harm of disobedience, correspond to age, temperament, receptivity and character of the child. Parents need to know whether the wrong action was committed due to lack of understanding or attention, or from evil intent and stubbornness.

When a son scattered toys and doesn't want to collect them, continuing to do his business and not reacting to all mother's requests, then putting him in a corner for this is inappropriate, spanking him is cruel, not reacting is dangerous. But you can let him understand that if you do this for him, then toys will be put away in another room, and he won't be able to play with them. And if this doesn't help, then you can put away all scattered toys and not give them to him until he understands why he was deprived of this joy.

If a child refuses to wash dishes, then at the next meal you can give him his dirty plate and spoon and praise the cleanliness of your utensils.

If a daughter doesn't hurry to dress for a walk, then you can leave her without this type of rest and let her understand that she was late for this event.

If a child scratches, then you can put socks on their hands and let them walk like that.

It's desirable that punishment be a consequential cause of disobedience and concern that part of the body that participated in the violation. This can be done in the form of a game and allow the child to choose the measure of restraint for the disobedient part of the body themselves.

When a daughter doesn't want to make her bed but wants to play with dolls, then you can separate her from yourself by name and scold the disobedient girl together and together assign punishment to her. This sounds approximately like this: "Daughter, imagine what a disobedient Lenochka we have today. She doesn't want to clean up her bed. What do you think, should we punish such a mischief-maker? Let's do something so she understands that she needs to be an obedient girl." This is not a rule for all cases, but an opportunity to help the violator look at their behavior from the side.

If a child periodically is late for the beginning of meals, then if they miss this event a couple of times, they won't die from hunger.

What should under no circumstances and under no conditions be done is to inflict injuries on the child's body, cripple their psyche by locking them in a dark toilet or closet, frighten them with terrible punishment or death, promise to give them to other people or throw them on the street, torture them with hunger and cold. Such things teach nothing, but only destroy the psyche and health of a young creature.

Also good for upbringing are natural consequences of disobedience. When a mother says that a hot iron or kettle cannot be touched, and the child still reaches for these objects, then sometime it's necessary to let them become convinced how painful it is to show stubbornness and not listen to warnings.

If a child cannot be friends with other children and brings discord to relationships, then you can forbid joint games and leave them alone in their room.

Prohibitions and punishments should never extend to spiritual values. The violator should always remember and understand that God loves them, and they can turn to the Lord in prayer and for help in any situation, at any time and under any circumstances. But parents' prayers should also sound according to events happening in the family.

You cannot frighten children with a punishing God for the sake of achieving order. They should understand that our Heavenly Father is merciful and just.

We parents, with our hands, words and attitude, create in children's imagination an image of such God as we ourselves are. Children are inclined to compare everyone with us, and while they are small, it's difficult for them to separate earthly father from Heavenly.

If a child sincerely asks forgiveness, realizing their misdeeds, then it's worth postponing or reconsidering the passed sentence. Punishment is not a goal, but a means to bring the child's soul to the needed goal.

When husband is not home, and children behave disgracefully, then mother needs to act in time and not make father a gendarme who will come and punish violators. Father may evaluate the situation differently, and children should rejoice at his arrival, not shrink from horror of inevitable retribution for their mistakes.

Children are inclined to break and spoil good things. Their plans don't include desire to ruin their parents and put them on the street, so it's important to understand that greater damage will be caused by your spontaneous reaction that traumatizes psyche, not loss of property on acquiring which much time and effort was spent.

It's also good to foresee violations and determine punishment in advance, informing children about this. Then punishment will be deserved, and no one will dispute it.

Explanatory conversations are also an effective form of punishment. They may not carry physical impact, but convey important information to consciousness about existing order and sad consequences.

Praise can also be an effective method of stopping disobedience. For example: "Sashenka, you're a future professor. How can you allow yourself to scatter toys around the house? I know you as a neat boy!"

When I praise discipline and obedience in the presence of children, I thereby let them understand the importance and advantage of precisely this lifestyle, and then it will be easy for them to make a choice in favor of dad, to contribute their share to family happiness.

Also after applying punishment it's necessary to instill in the child's heart hope that this misdeed possibly won't be repeated, and that you believe that the child will definitely succeed.

Before children learn self-control, long years of struggle with their disobedience and your own lack of restraint will pass. But Eternal life is worth getting into and living in it together with your children, so one shouldn't give up and let everything go. We have invisible helpers who work together with us for salvation of our families and rejoice in all our victories and achievements in the struggle for obedience. Success always accompanies those who boldly go forward following Christ and seek wisdom for all their work. And the earlier training obedience begins, the more effectively it will be implemented in children's lives.

1. Please read Prov. 17:10; Gen. 3:16-24; Ex. 21:23-25; Deut. 5:8-11; 2 Sam. 24:12; Job 5:17; Ps. 39:11; 141:5; Prov. 13:24; Heb. 12:6-13 in light of this chapter.

2. What other verses from the Bible came to your mind?

3. What did you understand from this chapter?

4. Why is it undesirable to punish a child the same way for different violations?

5. Should severity of punishment correspond to severity of violation?

6. What types of punishment do you know as effective?

7. Do parents need wisdom from above for quick choice of correct punishment?

8. Why cannot children be punished with spiritual things? For example: forbidding them to pray or forbidding them to attend church meetings?

9. Should one practice the same punishment if it's not effective?

10. If children are taught obedience, is it necessary to create extreme conditions for them to test their obedience?

11. Why, when choosing punishment, is it necessary to consider age, severity of offense, child's receptivity, their awareness and understanding of what happened?

12. What to do if your things are spoiled, and the baby joyfully tells you how beautifully they fall and break?

13. Should rules and laws be established first, before punishments are imposed?

14. Should one consider the fact that the state doesn't punish children for their crimes until a certain age established by law? Why is this accepted and who is responsible for their violations?